(no subject)
I can't deal with the fact that his priorities are different from mine. From the very first moment, i made a deal with myself. Don't expect too much, cuz then you won't get hurt. It sucks how the heart gets in the way of that. It sucks that we are not on the same level. It sucks that I think I'm putting way more work into it than he is. It sucks that i feel this way. and it's not fair to me.
50/50. that's what it should be. not 40/60, not 70/30....
but 50/50.... EQUAL....SAME....
i have a theory that a relationship won't work unless both people are on the same level. one shouldn't be more involved in it than the other. one shouldn't expect more out of it than the other. it should be the same. and i'm not saying, ours isn't. our priorities should match, right?
i don't want to be anybody's sloppy seconds. i deserve so much more than that.
it seems that lately all i put in here is depressing stuff.
so here's the happy stuff.... well the stuff that at this point in my life is keeping me sane.
it's amazing how i go to work to relax. it's greating seeing my people there....talking to them....relaxing with them at lunch, at the gym, going on walks with them. when rebecca and i were told the news about Joyce (our boss that got fired), we felt sick. nauseous. it wasn't fair. we didn't feel it was right. so what did we do? we called up harry and sam....and went out with them after work. relaxed. had a nice, funny, amusing dinner....had some drinks....and forgot about everything. i love how i can do that with these guys. george and sam take everything so lightheartedly. when we need to have serious conversations, we do. that time is always reserved for us. but when we need to have fun....we do that. it's great. i never saw myself getting so close to a bunch of 29 year olds. its the college scene all over again for them. for me, its normal.
3 months have passed by so quickly. it's the longest REAL job i've ever been able to keep. i always need excitement, something to keep me going. or i get bored. i get tired of the same old routine and i quit. but its the people that i work with, and that i hang out with that keep me here. and im loving it. i've decided to stay until the end of july. we've got 2 big birthday's coming up....which means 2 big parties.... which means 2 more unforgettable nights. i'm looking forward to it. it's different from rpi. they remind me of my friends in high school. kind of like Justin and Stefano...those guys. i remember justin and i would just talk about the dirtiest things. i had the dirtiest mind in high school. it was fun. haha. and that's all we do now. everything has a sexual connotation. and we laugh long and hard about it. during work, after work. my boss gives us the weirdest looks....then he joins in and starts laughin at our jokes too. like today, rebecca and i got to work at 8:30, and put a mr.dickhead toy in george's desk (like a mr. potatohead...but its large penis that you can dress up hahaha). seeing him open that drawer and see that there was the funniest sight ever. so now he has that on his desk for show and is going around telling everybody it's mine lol
and the other day, sam asked us to get him something from a mall, anything, a random gift. so we went to this store and bought him fishnet gloves and told everybody about them, so they'd make him wear it around work all day.
we're stupid and immature. but it's fun. it's relaxing. it takes the stress away. it's been a while since i've had a really close GROUP of friends.
if i dont get to act stupid now, when can i?
Troy taught me life is short. live it up while you can. so i'm not going to dwell on the sad stuff. i'm planning to have as much fun as i can while i'm still young. let's see if i can live up to my own words.
50/50. that's what it should be. not 40/60, not 70/30....
but 50/50.... EQUAL....SAME....
i have a theory that a relationship won't work unless both people are on the same level. one shouldn't be more involved in it than the other. one shouldn't expect more out of it than the other. it should be the same. and i'm not saying, ours isn't. our priorities should match, right?
i don't want to be anybody's sloppy seconds. i deserve so much more than that.
it seems that lately all i put in here is depressing stuff.
so here's the happy stuff.... well the stuff that at this point in my life is keeping me sane.
it's amazing how i go to work to relax. it's greating seeing my people there....talking to them....relaxing with them at lunch, at the gym, going on walks with them. when rebecca and i were told the news about Joyce (our boss that got fired), we felt sick. nauseous. it wasn't fair. we didn't feel it was right. so what did we do? we called up harry and sam....and went out with them after work. relaxed. had a nice, funny, amusing dinner....had some drinks....and forgot about everything. i love how i can do that with these guys. george and sam take everything so lightheartedly. when we need to have serious conversations, we do. that time is always reserved for us. but when we need to have fun....we do that. it's great. i never saw myself getting so close to a bunch of 29 year olds. its the college scene all over again for them. for me, its normal.
3 months have passed by so quickly. it's the longest REAL job i've ever been able to keep. i always need excitement, something to keep me going. or i get bored. i get tired of the same old routine and i quit. but its the people that i work with, and that i hang out with that keep me here. and im loving it. i've decided to stay until the end of july. we've got 2 big birthday's coming up....which means 2 big parties.... which means 2 more unforgettable nights. i'm looking forward to it. it's different from rpi. they remind me of my friends in high school. kind of like Justin and Stefano...those guys. i remember justin and i would just talk about the dirtiest things. i had the dirtiest mind in high school. it was fun. haha. and that's all we do now. everything has a sexual connotation. and we laugh long and hard about it. during work, after work. my boss gives us the weirdest looks....then he joins in and starts laughin at our jokes too. like today, rebecca and i got to work at 8:30, and put a mr.dickhead toy in george's desk (like a mr. potatohead...but its large penis that you can dress up hahaha). seeing him open that drawer and see that there was the funniest sight ever. so now he has that on his desk for show and is going around telling everybody it's mine lol
and the other day, sam asked us to get him something from a mall, anything, a random gift. so we went to this store and bought him fishnet gloves and told everybody about them, so they'd make him wear it around work all day.
we're stupid and immature. but it's fun. it's relaxing. it takes the stress away. it's been a while since i've had a really close GROUP of friends.
if i dont get to act stupid now, when can i?
Troy taught me life is short. live it up while you can. so i'm not going to dwell on the sad stuff. i'm planning to have as much fun as i can while i'm still young. let's see if i can live up to my own words.