Feb 13, 2005 11:02
So its the 5 year anniversary of when I loss my first child (well, its the week, the day was actually a few days ago). So i've been thinking about it a lot and believe it or not, I'm not too depressed. Its a good sign because it proves i'm moving past it. I've always been a bit sensitive to such things. Until recently when i've even thought of it I would get tears in my eyes, I don't know why the change now. Maybe its a sign that i'm just starting to get past everything.
Last night my ex's ex-roommate messaged me telling me that he is getting certified mail from the storage building... so much for him taking care of that, i wonder how much money i'm going to have to give them to get my stuff out of it... I don't have much in there, but I do believe I have some baby pictures and some of my rarer CDs in there. Not that they are out of print or anything, its just really hard to find them in this area. The stores don't carry them, and no one in this area listens to good enough music for me to find it at the one used CD store in the area... at least hot topic brings some hope.
Why can't I have just one person at a time interested in me? At least one person that I actually like at a time? I'm good at stalling long enough that I can get people to lose interest, but it seems as soon as one person does, another person gains interest. I really do need to go see Jeff though, I've been talking to him online for 6-7 years, so its about time I go to meet him... I still drag my feet though. Probably cause I still am very afraid of getting hurt, and what if we don't get along when we meet face to face, It'll be a wasted trip in my opinion then.
I'm fairly certain that I really do need to get out of this area. I am what a lot of people would call somewhat odd, there doesn't seem to be much left here for me, and I'm tired of seeing the reminders of things gone wrong. I know a lot of my situation is my own doing for making some bad choices, a fresh start somewhere may be just what I need to get out of the rut that my life has been stuck in for the past 4 years. Life isn't really that bad, i'm just not happy, and I don't see that changing anytime soon.