Life...
Things are really nuts right now. I don't even know where to begin... How about with the whole Cherry thing..
Onabear updated her journal saying she missed Charity and she wishes Charity and I could get our friendship back because she knows how much we meant to each other and all that jazz... yeah Charity meant the world to me.. but i'm not ready to get hurt.. It's always drama.. I want that friendship back.. there hasn't been a moment since it ended that I didn't wish we had it back.. but my heart gets broken each and every time she is in my life.. i don't want that.. i want the friendship Charity and I had before any of this.. Ona and I were talking and I do know that Charity was truer to me than most when it came to a friendship.. and that she really did care.. but i also know that other people couldn't leave things as just a friendship.. everyone and their brother got involved and messed things up.. another thing i don't want is to have to worry about telling Ona everytime I talk to her or I see her.. if i don't someone will stretch things.. even if i do they more than likely will.. but how am i supposed to remember every little time I talked to or saw someone.. I don't want the hassle of forgetting to mention it and Ona thinking i'm keeping things from her when someone goes to her and says "Ashley and Charity were doing this and this and this". People are just so fuckin' immature and they've got to mess my life up times a million.
Aaliyah stopped here to talk to Ona the other day. It didn't phase me at first, but honestly it hurts that she doesn't come to me anymore. The things that have become more important than me hurts. It hurts that she doesn' t agree with my relationship. Maybe I did change when I started dating Ona, but it can't be for the worst. I'm happier now than I was for years. I don't let people walk all over me anymore. I'm doing a lot better than I ever was. Yeah, there's almost no one in my life anymore and that hurts, but it hurts less than it did when I had people in my life. Maybe someday there is a chance of Aaliyah and I becoming friends again, but I won't deal with Niki. I don't like the ora around her. I won't deal with those things that have become more important to me. I don't want the new bad ass Aaliyah. I want the old Aaliyah I could count on to be there for me no matter what. The Aaliyah I could count on to do what was best for her and the people around her. I don't want to be around the new Aaliyah. I don't like that new Aaliyah. I still love her, i'll always love her. She was a best friend to me for 6 years. But, I can't handle who she's become. She's not Aaliyah. She's a teenager going through a stage where she things nothing can happen to her, but things can. I can't sit back and watch her get hurt, so i've got to sit back and not have Aaliyah in my life until she's the Aaliyah I grew to love and cherish.
My dad is supposed to be coming up next time he leaves KY. I don't want him here. I don't want him around. Everytime he's around its horrible. I love him because he is my father. But I want to love him from afar. Everytime I see him it's a mess. Everytime he's here its chaos. I dont' want him here. I don't want him in this house. I don't want him to fill this house with the memories he tainted the old house with. That's a lot of the reason I wanted out of the old house. The horrible memories. The lingering presence. The sense that it used to be his home too. I got away from all of that. I really don't want him here.
Cassie is not even close to being the person she used to be. Her attitude has completely changed. She's everything I ever spoke out against. She's going to be one of those stereotypical teenagers and I hate that. I don't want her to be, but there is nothing I can do. Even if there was something I could do I can't stand being around her long enough to do it. I am so disappointed in her. I can't handle the person she has become. I know everyone has their faults and everyone changes, but this is a little bit ridiculous.
Chelsie is being a little bad ass too. She's turned into a cleptomaniac. I hate it. She's taking from her own family. There are ALWAYS things missing. How can you steal from your own family for crying out loud. She needs a good beatin' is what she needs. There really isn't anything I can do about her either. I'm reaching the wits end with her though. I can't handle people going through my room and taking whatever strikes their fancy. The little fuckin' thief is gonna get knocked about ten feet. The saddest part is she's only 11 years old.
Well, i supposed thats all for now. I've said quite a bit.
-Ashley
Nicole-
I love you Onabear
Onabear updated her journal saying she missed Charity and she wishes Charity and I could get our friendship back because she knows how much we meant to each other and all that jazz... yeah Charity meant the world to me.. but i'm not ready to get hurt.. It's always drama.. I want that friendship back.. there hasn't been a moment since it ended that I didn't wish we had it back.. but my heart gets broken each and every time she is in my life.. i don't want that.. i want the friendship Charity and I had before any of this.. Ona and I were talking and I do know that Charity was truer to me than most when it came to a friendship.. and that she really did care.. but i also know that other people couldn't leave things as just a friendship.. everyone and their brother got involved and messed things up.. another thing i don't want is to have to worry about telling Ona everytime I talk to her or I see her.. if i don't someone will stretch things.. even if i do they more than likely will.. but how am i supposed to remember every little time I talked to or saw someone.. I don't want the hassle of forgetting to mention it and Ona thinking i'm keeping things from her when someone goes to her and says "Ashley and Charity were doing this and this and this". People are just so fuckin' immature and they've got to mess my life up times a million.
Aaliyah stopped here to talk to Ona the other day. It didn't phase me at first, but honestly it hurts that she doesn't come to me anymore. The things that have become more important than me hurts. It hurts that she doesn' t agree with my relationship. Maybe I did change when I started dating Ona, but it can't be for the worst. I'm happier now than I was for years. I don't let people walk all over me anymore. I'm doing a lot better than I ever was. Yeah, there's almost no one in my life anymore and that hurts, but it hurts less than it did when I had people in my life. Maybe someday there is a chance of Aaliyah and I becoming friends again, but I won't deal with Niki. I don't like the ora around her. I won't deal with those things that have become more important to me. I don't want the new bad ass Aaliyah. I want the old Aaliyah I could count on to be there for me no matter what. The Aaliyah I could count on to do what was best for her and the people around her. I don't want to be around the new Aaliyah. I don't like that new Aaliyah. I still love her, i'll always love her. She was a best friend to me for 6 years. But, I can't handle who she's become. She's not Aaliyah. She's a teenager going through a stage where she things nothing can happen to her, but things can. I can't sit back and watch her get hurt, so i've got to sit back and not have Aaliyah in my life until she's the Aaliyah I grew to love and cherish.
My dad is supposed to be coming up next time he leaves KY. I don't want him here. I don't want him around. Everytime he's around its horrible. I love him because he is my father. But I want to love him from afar. Everytime I see him it's a mess. Everytime he's here its chaos. I dont' want him here. I don't want him in this house. I don't want him to fill this house with the memories he tainted the old house with. That's a lot of the reason I wanted out of the old house. The horrible memories. The lingering presence. The sense that it used to be his home too. I got away from all of that. I really don't want him here.
Cassie is not even close to being the person she used to be. Her attitude has completely changed. She's everything I ever spoke out against. She's going to be one of those stereotypical teenagers and I hate that. I don't want her to be, but there is nothing I can do. Even if there was something I could do I can't stand being around her long enough to do it. I am so disappointed in her. I can't handle the person she has become. I know everyone has their faults and everyone changes, but this is a little bit ridiculous.
Chelsie is being a little bad ass too. She's turned into a cleptomaniac. I hate it. She's taking from her own family. There are ALWAYS things missing. How can you steal from your own family for crying out loud. She needs a good beatin' is what she needs. There really isn't anything I can do about her either. I'm reaching the wits end with her though. I can't handle people going through my room and taking whatever strikes their fancy. The little fuckin' thief is gonna get knocked about ten feet. The saddest part is she's only 11 years old.
Well, i supposed thats all for now. I've said quite a bit.
-Ashley
Nicole-
I love you Onabear