Climbing out of the rut...
Well it's been a little minute since I updated. Daddy and I went to Bristol. That might be the last thing me and him do together just me and him. Aaron met up with me there, and I can't help but fall for him everytime I look into his eyes. Daddy and I didn't get drunk at all which was not like us for bristol. He's worrying to death over our trouble. Can't blame the poor man. He's sooooo good, I just will die if he has to go for a long time. I'd rather take it for him. He'd never let me, but I swear I want to do it. I'm going to ask the lawyer if it's possible if I ever talk to the fucker. I liked him a lot to begin with. I guess he's busy and all but he's forgotten about us and he knows how worried we must be. He said to go on with our normal lives, what the hell does that mean? Buy another pound or 80? Craziness.
Not as crazy as Rob calling me from jail. Twice. He's got 2 phone calls up on Mikey. I resent that mother fucker. He's so strong and so hard, but sings like a bird to keep his sweet ass out of jail for a long time. He'd rather be out and marry Anna's stupid ass. Sell a bunch of drugs because "hustlin's in our blood". Fuck our blood and our crazy ass family. Mikey says my daddy's his role model, well I have news for him. Stephen Earl Mayes is not a fucking snitch. "M.A.C." will be testifying against Rob on June 16 in G'ville. I hope to be there, unless I'm incarcerated myself. Yea Rob did bring the R's to Morristown, but Mikey shouldn't be tellin on people. You didn't see me signin papers and testifyin. I don't give a damn if they let me walk free. I may tell on some niggers to get my dad out, but that wasn't a possibility so my lips are sealed. Speaking of niggers...
Me Tiff & Ang saw the white chocolate liar and kristi at a redneck party. Out of all the fuckers in the world to run into. I could of burnt a cross right there in front of him. I seriously have a newfound hate for black people. I stepped out of my comfort zone, and it bit me in the ass. Hard. If asked to I'd join the KKK w/o a doubt. Daddy would too. LOL. Needless to say I didnt have very much fun that night. I'm glad I've been haning with Tiff and Ang though. Some non pregos. :)
Kendra grows all the time. Everytime I see her the bump's bigger. Can't wait to see the lil booger. I almost wish I was having a baby. It started with Stephanie.. > Shandee > Kendra > Whitney > Emily. > Cori > Tiffany! It'd have so many friends. Now all my friend's kids are going to be old before I ever have one. I know it isn't the right tme, but hell it wasn't for them either. It's something I'd love to experience with all my besties. Preferably with an awesome dude, but there aren't any.
I keep holding on to Aaron, and I don't know why. I've let Michael go and I just cant do it with Delbert. I know I've always been his second best, and that he doesn't treat me the way I'm supposed to be treated.... but I love the asshole. He loves me too, I know he does. Maybe it just isn't the right time. God only knows. He spent the night with me last night. We were completely sober (even him) (no pills!) and we wound up having sex. Usually that's all it is. Sex. But it was different... honestly it was the most intimate experience that I've had since me and Michael broke up. I was trying not to look at him, but everytime I snuck a peek he was just staring at me so........ weird. So deep. I feel like he was looking right into my soul or something. I liked it . Alot. After we got finished we ate popcorn and just chilled out and watched a movie. It was so normal, but yet such a random Monday night. I wish every night could go that way, but I'm not that lucky. Hopefully in a year when I read this I'll be completley over him, or his significant other. I want much more than to be his # 1, favorite one.. I want to be the ONLY one. I'll keep dreamin. Blah.
School sucks. I wont be through until August because this stupid bitch teacher failed me. Summer school will be crazy because I've NEVER taken a summer class. I'd like to wind up at ETSU, but I think I want/need a break from academics. I'd love to have a pimp real job with benefits. Especially insurance, and paid vacation would be a plus. Success only comes before work in the dictionary, so I better do it to it. I wish I could be an over achiever like Kelsey. She's going to make something of her self. I'm proud.
Lydia and Chris won a free honey moon to any 4 star resort of their choice. Their crazy asses want to go to Vegas, Mexico, or Myrtle Beach. Come on now... go on African safari or see some kangaroos in Australia. Go somewhere else. Damn. Lame.
Well I've rambled enough for the evening. Love you journal.