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[lilnemo]

I am slowly realizing my mind is going insane... i think i am preparing to come to the realization I am doing it to myself again... do i just like the verbal abuse? do i just like hurting myself? I need to do something, but I am torn. I have never been in a place where it feels so right, but the other person is not sure. she was sick today and so was i, so we have not seen each other in over a week, and we wont see each other until thursday, for Vday... its a hockey game... and i have to work up until then, and the next say so yeah... i just wish i knew how she would react if i dared to say something... if i tired to kiss her would she hit me... i dont know... but i am going to be a wreck through the whole hockey game because I have a feeling in the put of my tummy that i need to say something after the game... if i do not, then i am just going to get worse and worse wiht all the questions in my head...

let me take this time to say a big fuck you to chrys for having once again made me realize how much u fucked my head up over these years and continue to do so! the timing of your last email to me out of freakin no where was just so perfect because it is the same day the good thing in my life begain to fall apart....