(no subject)
So I'm completely truly madly deeply in love with a *man* who is not talking to me because I'm sure I hurt him more than he'll ever tell me. I miss him so much, more everyday. I Wonder will we ever talk again? I wonder if by telling him he needed to grow up was the wrong thing to do? Will things ever be the same again? Will we ever recieve the blessing of a child? So many questions & no answers. Even, if I could ask him these questions he wouldn't give me answers. He isn't like that. Hmmm...
I talked to my girl Sondra tonight for like a half hour. She helped me out some. YAY I get to see my Sondra on the 13th & 16th! :-) But anyhow, why do I feel guilty for even remotely liking another guy? Yes, I like Nash, but he doesn't know it. I don't know what's going on with him nor do I want to find out any time soon. I'm scared that I'm gonna mess something up with Nash &/or Alex (but I don't know how things could get much worse between us right now.) I think I decided what I'm gonna do. Wait & see if anything happens between Nash & I....if we start to 'date.' Then naturally, I'll e-mail Alex & let him know...it's a respect thing. Of course, he'd be the first I'd tell. I can't put my life on hold for him even though I want to. Can't it be Jan. yet? so either A) I can find out what's going on between Alex & I. 2) I can drink away any pain caused legally. I really don't know what/how to feel. It's sorta feels like I'm in a catch 22. I'm damned if I do, I'm damned if I don't!
A little while ago I heard Boot Scoot Boogie on the radio...I cried! I can't believe it's been 1 MONTH today since my cuz, my confidant, my best friend, my ear to listen to, my shoulder to cry on, etc. has been by my side everyday. I miss her so much. The pain is almost unbareable. Somehow I'm surviving/managing life. Maybe I'll write her another letter soon. I will get through this on my own...because I have to.
Someone cheer me up please. Shower time then bed!
I talked to my girl Sondra tonight for like a half hour. She helped me out some. YAY I get to see my Sondra on the 13th & 16th! :-) But anyhow, why do I feel guilty for even remotely liking another guy? Yes, I like Nash, but he doesn't know it. I don't know what's going on with him nor do I want to find out any time soon. I'm scared that I'm gonna mess something up with Nash &/or Alex (but I don't know how things could get much worse between us right now.) I think I decided what I'm gonna do. Wait & see if anything happens between Nash & I....if we start to 'date.' Then naturally, I'll e-mail Alex & let him know...it's a respect thing. Of course, he'd be the first I'd tell. I can't put my life on hold for him even though I want to. Can't it be Jan. yet? so either A) I can find out what's going on between Alex & I. 2) I can drink away any pain caused legally. I really don't know what/how to feel. It's sorta feels like I'm in a catch 22. I'm damned if I do, I'm damned if I don't!
A little while ago I heard Boot Scoot Boogie on the radio...I cried! I can't believe it's been 1 MONTH today since my cuz, my confidant, my best friend, my ear to listen to, my shoulder to cry on, etc. has been by my side everyday. I miss her so much. The pain is almost unbareable. Somehow I'm surviving/managing life. Maybe I'll write her another letter soon. I will get through this on my own...because I have to.
Someone cheer me up please. Shower time then bed!