(no subject)
This is going to be a long one. I'm forewarning everyone. I'm sad to say that today 5yrs. ago was the first time I tried to kill myself. I'm ashamed, disappointed, embarrassed etc. about it. I never want to go back to being that depressed ever again. A few weeks ago at 20 Somethin' there was a lesson about anger (there are a lot of them.) Sometimes, (Tara doesn't help the fact to remind me) I feel they are directed towards me. But anyhow, since this lesson & it was at the campgrounds (when my leader Roxanne) asked me about my anger issue. I really thought about it. I've come to the conclusion:
I started to use my punching bag more & more for the past 2yrs or so because I thought "well, I'm not killing myself this way...so it's better than cutting yourself." Wow, how far I was from the truth. The huge depression thing I was in 5yrs ago (that lasted for over 2.5yrs) has defintely changed my outlook on life....for the better. I used to have a saying "I cover up the wounds with scars that last forever." Meaning, my eternally bleeding heart was covered up by self inflicted cuts. I can honestly say I haven't cut myself since like Dec. I see (IF NO ONE ELSE DOES) my temper/anger issue getting better. I still have my moments believe me...but over all, it's slowly but surely getting better.
I don't have much to say about Clint anymore these days, especially not good things, but I thank him for saving my life.
Another thing, lately my Daddy has been really getting on my nerves. He doesn't freaking listen! That 20min a day talk BS haha funny! It's not happening. I try to tell him but he just sort of laughs it off. We haven't been getting a long that well lately. In random conversation, last week he bought up how he told one of his friends Ro how I have an eating problem. Or more so, how daddy will NOT let it become a problem. Then again, on Saturday at Kaleb's b-day party my Uncle Bob saw my Daddy give me a piggy back ride up the stairs. My Uncle Bob said something & Daddy again says something about my weight issues. THANK YOU VERY MUCH! I GET IT...YOU GET IT! Why does the whole freaking world need to my problems (eating & temper?) I know Daddy doesn't think when he's talking about my weight to other people. But certain things my family does (Daddy not listening to me like he said he would, & talking about my weight to other people) or Tara (telling me hey this lesson was for you, it was about anger blah blah blah) really bothers me!!! If I want to tell someone my problems/issues I will...my family shouldn't do it. *takes a deep breath*
Okay, I'll just make this one LONG post into two...but some time later today.
I started to use my punching bag more & more for the past 2yrs or so because I thought "well, I'm not killing myself this way...so it's better than cutting yourself." Wow, how far I was from the truth. The huge depression thing I was in 5yrs ago (that lasted for over 2.5yrs) has defintely changed my outlook on life....for the better. I used to have a saying "I cover up the wounds with scars that last forever." Meaning, my eternally bleeding heart was covered up by self inflicted cuts. I can honestly say I haven't cut myself since like Dec. I see (IF NO ONE ELSE DOES) my temper/anger issue getting better. I still have my moments believe me...but over all, it's slowly but surely getting better.
I don't have much to say about Clint anymore these days, especially not good things, but I thank him for saving my life.
Another thing, lately my Daddy has been really getting on my nerves. He doesn't freaking listen! That 20min a day talk BS haha funny! It's not happening. I try to tell him but he just sort of laughs it off. We haven't been getting a long that well lately. In random conversation, last week he bought up how he told one of his friends Ro how I have an eating problem. Or more so, how daddy will NOT let it become a problem. Then again, on Saturday at Kaleb's b-day party my Uncle Bob saw my Daddy give me a piggy back ride up the stairs. My Uncle Bob said something & Daddy again says something about my weight issues. THANK YOU VERY MUCH! I GET IT...YOU GET IT! Why does the whole freaking world need to my problems (eating & temper?) I know Daddy doesn't think when he's talking about my weight to other people. But certain things my family does (Daddy not listening to me like he said he would, & talking about my weight to other people) or Tara (telling me hey this lesson was for you, it was about anger blah blah blah) really bothers me!!! If I want to tell someone my problems/issues I will...my family shouldn't do it. *takes a deep breath*
Okay, I'll just make this one LONG post into two...but some time later today.