this will be full of complaints and saddness im sure

[lilnaughtyfreak]

im extremly sad because i cant live... i hate having to change and stop ppl from talking the way they want to me... i mean i love this guy who is so great but then again he always looks at everything i say on Y! messenger to make sure nothing bad is happening... like he doesnt trust me! i know he says he does but i dont think i can believe him... does anyone besides your gf or bf call you "babe", "sexy", or "sweety"? and if they do and your bf or gf sees it do they really mind? bc my bf does and it sucks so bad he doenst want me to talk to them because of it! i hate that so much! i want to just brush it off like iv been doing but im afraid it will just stay bottled up in me and then one day i will explode and we will no longer be together because of it, i hate that thought but im afraid im so afraid of this relationship! ive never cared or loved someone so much (besides Zoey) and have also been afraid of them because they could crush me in just three words, its so scary to think that... he went to the movies again, this time with his brother and his brothers son. i really wanted to go but had no one to watch Zoey, how shitty! his brother waved to me, i just looked at him while i was trying to consentrate on not crying, i wanted to smile and wave back but i didnt want to cry and have him see it. but then hey what should happen? i started crying any ways and Chris didnt even look at me but his brother i think saw me. now again im left here with nothing to do but stare at a screen and cry. i hate crying expecially when im sick, but it seems its all i can do, i hate feeling bad i hate crying but i dont see why he doesnt trust me or always has to look thru my stuff, i feel like i complain alot, maybe i should go swimming. ya that sounds nice, go relax and do a couple laps. but i cant. no one to watch Zoey... dammit sometimes i wish i could just go off for a weekend and have a break from her... i mean i fucking love that little girl so much and i never regret keeping her its jsut so damn stressful. woah i do babble alot and complain alot, my hair looks good but i like it better blonde. so i might get it profecionally done blonde later on sometime maybe. man oh man am i tired, i want to cry some more but i cant, maybe i am emo. damn that sux. i need to make some friends in naples or kidnap some of you and bring you to naples haha that would be awesome party all the time haha! ok well i think im done here for now... maybe.

much <333
Misty