You gave me something that I didn't have....

[lilmztinkerbell]

I hate getting sick. All weekend long I had a really horrible sore throat. I didn't have a cold, it was just an infection, which is a plus I guess cuz that means no fever or runny nose, or whatnot. But it still sucked cuz I couldn't tast anything, and my tonsils got to be the size of freakin golf balls. I'm seriously considering having them out before I go back to school. Because I can't handle getting sick like this anymore. Oh well, anyway. School's out, which means I'm a senior now. Bah, I should be happy but I'm not. About a year till I graduate, and less then that until I'm 18, I'm scared, I feel like a lost little kid, and I just wanna go back in time and not have to grow up. I have fucked up so bad, I feel like I'm not going to have any future at all. My grades are shit, and definitley wont get me into any colleges. Maybe it's just my negative attitude speaking, but I seriously don't think I will succeed at anything. ::sigh:: I wish somebod would come along and make all this bullshit go away. I need a shoulder to cry on, and someone to hold my hand, hold me, and just tell me that everything will be okay, and that I can do it. I worry about so many things, so many different people, and never myself, that's how I have always been, and thats whats fucking me over. If I worry about eveyrything else all the time, I don't ever get around to worrying about myself and what's good for me, and I feel like I don't have anybody who can worry about me like that, because alot of people are selfish and think only of themselves, even after I put forth so much effort for them. This is why i keep my friends down to a select few, and only tell certain people things, and even those people I don't tell everything to. There are probably 3 people in my life that I tell everything to, billy, miranda, and my mom. I don't know,i feel so negative right now, i'm just gonna stop writing. I'm going to Billy's in the morning, so maybe he can make me feel better...I hope. I love him so much..no matter what we go through. ::sigh:: nightie night lovers.

<33
Kellie