And I love you, I'll always love you
So it's been a looong time since i have updated in here. My life, is crazy. Things are undescribable, I don't know whats going on with anything anymore. Billy and me are up and down anymore. Things are amazing when we are together, but when were not, everything just, I don't know how to describe it. I cry alot these days, at least once a day. I have gotten used to it though, I hope the day soon comes when I don't cry like that anymore. School is shitty. Life is shitty. Everything is fucked, and i honestly don't care anymore. I don't know how to fix it or change things, and even if I did it seems no matter what I do everything is still fucked up. I was looking over old journal entries and stuff, not from this journal but others. And it's like, everything comes rushing back, all the memories I try to surpress, they come creeping back into my head. Nobody seems to understand, the only one who does, is Billy, and thats only because he goes through exactly what I go through. He has been in my position, he knows my feelings. I try and explain it to other people, but they don't get it, the never will be able to unless they experience it. I guess that's how it always is though isnt it? Right now all I want is for things in my relationship to work out. Billy is my whole fucking world, I try to tell him, try to let him know, but sometimes I wonder if he really does know. I would do anything for this boy, and obviously I have shown that. I give him my heart, my everything. I wont ever give up on him, I wont ever let myself lose what we have. It's special, it really is. I'm afraid a day is going to come when he doesn't want me anymore, if that happens I wont know what to do with myself. I will be so lost, empty, shattered inside. I want to dedicate the rest of my life to him. Blah. All of this is just depressing me, so I think I'm gonna go, me updating doesn't really matter anyway, who honestly cares?