Hidden Beauty/ Same Theme, Different Day/ Perfect Fantasy
Now, a break from the Jennah Disappearance saga for some more ranting on everyday things.
I thought for once tonight that I may just be able to be pretty.
I was analyzing myself.
Sitting on the floor
Listening to 93.3 (Audioslave)
Painting my finger and toenails metalic blue...
then adding pink dots (the 12 yr old in me)
Baby blue sweater that hugs my torso but is too long in the arms (covers my hands)
"Mother and child" watch - left wrist
Beautiful diamond gold ring - left hand
White and rose gold flower bracelet - right wrist
Old promise ring - right hand
Bebe brand tiny soft white shorts with rhinestone "Bebe" on a sewn heart on the left leg
Waist-length golden brown hair in a messy ponytail...
loose strands framing my face
Blue eyeliner
Shimmering white eyeshadow
Subtle orange sparkle lip gloss over Mary Kay gloss base
Foundation liquid and powder topped off with some mild blush I've had since I was a preteen
Waterproof mascara (can't find my other kind)
Then I gave myself the once over and set my glasses on my nose.
And I realized how gorgeous my face would be if it were thinner.
But what am I without my chipmunk cheeks I inherited from my dad?
Or my now slightly tanned-over marks that tell everyone I'm a mommy.
Jessica is right.
I can cook, clean, run a household, take care of a family...
Hell, all that AND I'll have a professional life.
So why should I feel bad for not starving myself to look like a skeleton?
Or obsess over every little scar or mark?
If a 12 is average these days, then I'm practically half that anyway.
I'm soft - not toned...but I'm not exactly "big".
So maybe, just maybe, I can keep telling myself these things and someday stop comparing.
Stop feeling insecure.
Stop putting myself down inside my head.
If only we could look at everyone else as we look at ourselves in our very best moments.
<3
I thought for once tonight that I may just be able to be pretty.
I was analyzing myself.
Sitting on the floor
Listening to 93.3 (Audioslave)
Painting my finger and toenails metalic blue...
then adding pink dots (the 12 yr old in me)
Baby blue sweater that hugs my torso but is too long in the arms (covers my hands)
"Mother and child" watch - left wrist
Beautiful diamond gold ring - left hand
White and rose gold flower bracelet - right wrist
Old promise ring - right hand
Bebe brand tiny soft white shorts with rhinestone "Bebe" on a sewn heart on the left leg
Waist-length golden brown hair in a messy ponytail...
loose strands framing my face
Blue eyeliner
Shimmering white eyeshadow
Subtle orange sparkle lip gloss over Mary Kay gloss base
Foundation liquid and powder topped off with some mild blush I've had since I was a preteen
Waterproof mascara (can't find my other kind)
Then I gave myself the once over and set my glasses on my nose.
And I realized how gorgeous my face would be if it were thinner.
But what am I without my chipmunk cheeks I inherited from my dad?
Or my now slightly tanned-over marks that tell everyone I'm a mommy.
Jessica is right.
I can cook, clean, run a household, take care of a family...
Hell, all that AND I'll have a professional life.
So why should I feel bad for not starving myself to look like a skeleton?
Or obsess over every little scar or mark?
If a 12 is average these days, then I'm practically half that anyway.
I'm soft - not toned...but I'm not exactly "big".
So maybe, just maybe, I can keep telling myself these things and someday stop comparing.
Stop feeling insecure.
Stop putting myself down inside my head.
If only we could look at everyone else as we look at ourselves in our very best moments.
<3