talk about depression.....
Why is it every time I type on this damn thing... something happens and the whole damn thing fucking erases????????
Anywayz, why is it when I try and explain something to someone... they treat me like I don't know what the hell I'm talking about... especially when it comes to my own feelings. I'd think I know my feelings better then anyone and know how Ifeel. When I try and explain my theory of relationships to someone... they act like I'm a fucking idiot that's running her mouth. I was talking to this guy today and he asked me why I don't dress sexy. I tried explaining to him my views on how I shouldn't have to dress sexy to impress someone. I mean I'll dress good for a guy I'm dating or whatever... but other then that I don't care how I look. I'm not like Lisa... I can't show off myself and think... hell yeah I look good and the guys will think so too. That's just not me. I just want a life worth having... but I guess that's too much to ask for these days... a lot of things r to much to ask for these days... things that would have been common to have back in the old days. Sometimes I think of what my life was like before I got to this one.. were things the same as they are now? If not... how are they different? In another life was I the life of the show? Did I live a grand life with love, happiness, and adventure? Or was I boring, unloved, and alone like I am now? I feel so empty these days. Like I have nothing to live for... why is that? Maybe I don't have anything to live for... I mean.... damn I get so many compliments these days.... even tho I think the people r fulla shit and need to find some other helpless soul to lie to. I'm really not as beautiful, great, and nice as people seem to think. I'm ugly, worthless, and not with a damn. Why do people even bother sometimes? When I was younger someone told me my time line wouldn't go past 25... maybe they're right. why couldn't it go sooner then that? Some friends and I were talking ... with the way my menstral cycles r going... compared to some things .... we're thinking I have cysts on my ovaries... If I do I do.. if I don't I don't.... I'm not worried about it. They want me to get tested to see if I do... I just might... if I do... I'm just gonna let it take its course... I'm not gonna get an operation. I don't really care about it anymore. Same with my liver. If I die I die... if I don't.. I don't... I don't care anymore.
Oh, and if you haven't guessed... Shaun and I aren't together anymore... go fig... he lost interest.
Anywayz, why is it when I try and explain something to someone... they treat me like I don't know what the hell I'm talking about... especially when it comes to my own feelings. I'd think I know my feelings better then anyone and know how Ifeel. When I try and explain my theory of relationships to someone... they act like I'm a fucking idiot that's running her mouth. I was talking to this guy today and he asked me why I don't dress sexy. I tried explaining to him my views on how I shouldn't have to dress sexy to impress someone. I mean I'll dress good for a guy I'm dating or whatever... but other then that I don't care how I look. I'm not like Lisa... I can't show off myself and think... hell yeah I look good and the guys will think so too. That's just not me. I just want a life worth having... but I guess that's too much to ask for these days... a lot of things r to much to ask for these days... things that would have been common to have back in the old days. Sometimes I think of what my life was like before I got to this one.. were things the same as they are now? If not... how are they different? In another life was I the life of the show? Did I live a grand life with love, happiness, and adventure? Or was I boring, unloved, and alone like I am now? I feel so empty these days. Like I have nothing to live for... why is that? Maybe I don't have anything to live for... I mean.... damn I get so many compliments these days.... even tho I think the people r fulla shit and need to find some other helpless soul to lie to. I'm really not as beautiful, great, and nice as people seem to think. I'm ugly, worthless, and not with a damn. Why do people even bother sometimes? When I was younger someone told me my time line wouldn't go past 25... maybe they're right. why couldn't it go sooner then that? Some friends and I were talking ... with the way my menstral cycles r going... compared to some things .... we're thinking I have cysts on my ovaries... If I do I do.. if I don't I don't.... I'm not worried about it. They want me to get tested to see if I do... I just might... if I do... I'm just gonna let it take its course... I'm not gonna get an operation. I don't really care about it anymore. Same with my liver. If I die I die... if I don't.. I don't... I don't care anymore.
Oh, and if you haven't guessed... Shaun and I aren't together anymore... go fig... he lost interest.