The Mission Dialogues
Sometimes when I am walking home from the Mysterious Workplace or the climbing gym, I will cross paths with some friend or acquaintance who will try to get my attention by yelling something ridiculous or honking their car or touching my shoulder. Sometimes, if they don't know me well, they are surprised to find that my eyes do not immediately light up with the joy of recognition. My expression can usually by summed up with the phrase: who are these people and why are they intruding on my personal space? And then I keep walking.
On a typical walk home, I will be asked for my spare change, asked to sign petitions, and informed that I have nice hair/boots/eyes/dress. I will be told that the weather is either lovely or wretched, asked for my name and/or phone number, asked if I have a boyfriend, informed (as I walk away) that I probably have a girlfriend, and asked where I get my clothes. Men catcall and make inexplicable kissing noises. All this and more would be the relatively inoffensive price of living in a city if only men did not get bizarre offended when they try to talk to me on the street and I do not answer.
Exhibit A:
Lil' Miss Never is walking down the street on a Friday night.
Gentleman Sitting on His Truck with His Friend: Hey there, how you doin'.
Lil' Miss Never: *silence* *walking*
One step. Two steps. Three steps. Halfway down the block.
Gentleman Sitting on His Truck with His Friend: Fuck you.
Lil' Miss Never stops. She turns around to face GSHTHS.
Lil' Miss Never, channeling Columbo: I'm sorry. I didn't quite catch that. Sometimes my hearing isn't very good. What did you say?
GSHTHS: I said, hey there, how are you.
Lil' Miss Never: No no, after that.
GSHTHS: I said, hey there, how are you.
Lil' Miss Never: No, I'm fairly certain there was something after that. It started with an "f."
Friend Sitting on Truck: Shit man, she's serious.
Lil' Miss Never: Do you know why I don't stop and have a conversation with every would-be Lothario who tries to talk to me on the street? It's because I run into a lot of people like you. People who say rude things. This does not make me want to stop and get to know them better.
GSHTHS: I'm sorry, ma'am. I apologize.
Lil' Miss Never: No, no...don't apologize. Instead, the next time that you see a girl walking down the street, what are you going to say?
GSHTHS: Hello, how are you today?
Lil' Miss Never: And if she keeps walking?
GHSTHS: ...
Lil' Miss Never: Nothing. You are going to say nothing. You are going to be polite and understanding and let it slide. She's probably had a very long day and she's tired of dealing with jerks like you.
And then I walked away.
For a brief moment, the Gods of Hollywood movie scripts smiled down upon me and the scene faded out. No one yelled at me. No one called me a bitch (until I was securely out of earshot). No one tried to beat me up. This town is a wonder. And in my head, the next time GHSTHS felt snubbed by some passing girl, maybe he really did let it slide.
On a typical walk home, I will be asked for my spare change, asked to sign petitions, and informed that I have nice hair/boots/eyes/dress. I will be told that the weather is either lovely or wretched, asked for my name and/or phone number, asked if I have a boyfriend, informed (as I walk away) that I probably have a girlfriend, and asked where I get my clothes. Men catcall and make inexplicable kissing noises. All this and more would be the relatively inoffensive price of living in a city if only men did not get bizarre offended when they try to talk to me on the street and I do not answer.
Exhibit A:
Lil' Miss Never is walking down the street on a Friday night.
Gentleman Sitting on His Truck with His Friend: Hey there, how you doin'.
Lil' Miss Never: *silence* *walking*
One step. Two steps. Three steps. Halfway down the block.
Gentleman Sitting on His Truck with His Friend: Fuck you.
Lil' Miss Never stops. She turns around to face GSHTHS.
Lil' Miss Never, channeling Columbo: I'm sorry. I didn't quite catch that. Sometimes my hearing isn't very good. What did you say?
GSHTHS: I said, hey there, how are you.
Lil' Miss Never: No no, after that.
GSHTHS: I said, hey there, how are you.
Lil' Miss Never: No, I'm fairly certain there was something after that. It started with an "f."
Friend Sitting on Truck: Shit man, she's serious.
Lil' Miss Never: Do you know why I don't stop and have a conversation with every would-be Lothario who tries to talk to me on the street? It's because I run into a lot of people like you. People who say rude things. This does not make me want to stop and get to know them better.
GSHTHS: I'm sorry, ma'am. I apologize.
Lil' Miss Never: No, no...don't apologize. Instead, the next time that you see a girl walking down the street, what are you going to say?
GSHTHS: Hello, how are you today?
Lil' Miss Never: And if she keeps walking?
GHSTHS: ...
Lil' Miss Never: Nothing. You are going to say nothing. You are going to be polite and understanding and let it slide. She's probably had a very long day and she's tired of dealing with jerks like you.
And then I walked away.
For a brief moment, the Gods of Hollywood movie scripts smiled down upon me and the scene faded out. No one yelled at me. No one called me a bitch (until I was securely out of earshot). No one tried to beat me up. This town is a wonder. And in my head, the next time GHSTHS felt snubbed by some passing girl, maybe he really did let it slide.