There's no conspiracy, there's only you and me
Dear Tin Foil Hat Lady,
You are not a "computer expert." You have not uncovered a vast conspiratorial botnet run by the Department of Justice through the mighty powers of "WHOIS." You do not have special knowledge about the internet because your ex-husband was a "super user," and you remember using DOS 1.1. The DOJ does not "own" the IP 127.0.0.1, thus secretly logging all of your internal network traffic. That guy in the Adult Friend Finder "Over 50" chat room (which you have certainly never visited! It is filled with the worst kinds of filth!) is not the secret botnet mastermind just because he can discern your geographical location based on your IP address. Adult Friend Finder is not ignoring you because they are in on the conspiracy. Neither is the FBI. Neither is the technology reporter for the Washington Post.
I do not know why it should take nearly thirty minutes for you to tell me all of this. I took great care not to encourage you. I showed little interest in the many reports that you have written, which you cannot send to me because the Department of Justice has hacked into all of your email accounts and is actively intercepting all of your physical mail as well. I explained that we are a small organization with limited funds and resources and we could not possibly take on a case of this magnitude. Oh, but the New York Times surely would be interested in hearing about this bombshell. I do hope that they will give this important story the exposure that it so rightly deserves.
Unless, of course, they're in on the conspiracy as well.
You are not a "computer expert." You have not uncovered a vast conspiratorial botnet run by the Department of Justice through the mighty powers of "WHOIS." You do not have special knowledge about the internet because your ex-husband was a "super user," and you remember using DOS 1.1. The DOJ does not "own" the IP 127.0.0.1, thus secretly logging all of your internal network traffic. That guy in the Adult Friend Finder "Over 50" chat room (which you have certainly never visited! It is filled with the worst kinds of filth!) is not the secret botnet mastermind just because he can discern your geographical location based on your IP address. Adult Friend Finder is not ignoring you because they are in on the conspiracy. Neither is the FBI. Neither is the technology reporter for the Washington Post.
I do not know why it should take nearly thirty minutes for you to tell me all of this. I took great care not to encourage you. I showed little interest in the many reports that you have written, which you cannot send to me because the Department of Justice has hacked into all of your email accounts and is actively intercepting all of your physical mail as well. I explained that we are a small organization with limited funds and resources and we could not possibly take on a case of this magnitude. Oh, but the New York Times surely would be interested in hearing about this bombshell. I do hope that they will give this important story the exposure that it so rightly deserves.
Unless, of course, they're in on the conspiracy as well.