(no subject)
so I'm going to write in here, after a lengthy hiatus, because i feel a total mix of emotions tonight and i can't sleep and no one is awake. i'm just going to say exactly what's bothering me because i can't get any sleep these days and i think it's because i have yet to take Dan's advice and write this shit down...insomnia blows.
i leave for italy in one week. i'm very excited, don't get me wrong, but I'm also very scared. and please don't say "but you're going to have an amazing time!" yes. i know that. if i hear that one more time, i'm going to take a fork to someone's eye. even though it's going to be fantastic, that doesn't change the fact that it's pretty terrifying to think that i'll be living in a foreign country where i don't speak a single word of the language for a month with my family and my boyfriend on the other side of the atlantic. i am fully aware of all the wonderful parts of this experience, but that doesn't make the apprehension just magically vanish alltogether.
i am worried about 2 situations. #1 being my family. my parents have been fighting a lot lately and there is stuff going on that has me paranoid about the stability of my family. i'm really worried that something bad could happen if i go away like this. i am also worried about how i'm going to address this problem in the next week, because i definitely have to, and i'm not looking forward to that.
#2 is Dan. our relationship has been better than ever recently, but I can't help but worry that things could change with me halfway around the globe. i'm worried about how he and i will fare this summer in general. when we're both so busy, we get tired and stressed and fight a lot more than usual. i just don't want that to be the case this summer, but Dan reminds me of my Dad in the sense that he's somewhat of a workaholic, and i have seen how that has negatively effected my parents' relationship. but at the same time i feel really guilty asking him to cut back on all the stuff he does for my sake, because i know how important everything is to him. it's just hard when he gets so tired because our visits end up being more about us sitting around until one of us starts to doze off than about doing actual fun stuff. and when we're tired, we're cranky. i foresee this becoming a problem if we can't find some sort of a balance. but part of me feels like it's mostly my fault for wanting to see him so much before i leave. i dunno....but we can both work our little hearts out once i'm gone and none of this will matter.
that said, i wrote something in a previous entry, and I ended up not posting it because i never finished writing it. i'm going to post it now because i still feel this way, even though some of my initial rage has subsided...which essentially means, i'm no longer homicidal. i'm still pretty bent on revenge. Dan has advised me that this is probably not the healthiest course of action, and he's exactly right. so i'm going to handle this the healthy way. i'm going to be the bigger person and be totally calm and collected when i confront this head on in real life, but that doesn't mean i can't write about how pissed off i am in live journal land...so brace yourself. if people involved read this. good. i hope they do. i hope they read it again and again and it gets burned into their memories forever. i hope it keeps them up at night. i hope they cry.
i want every girl on the planet that has ever even looked twice at a guy who is committed to someone else to feel exactly how i feel right now. i have NEVER gone after a guy who has a girlfriend, nor have i ever even given thought to such a thing. nothing hurts more than having your heart broken, and I would never want to be responsible for causing someone else that kind of pain. I think girls (and guys)who toy around with infidelity are absolutely disgusting. there are BILLIONS of people out there looking for love, so there is no reason anyone should be driven to pursue a person that is already taken except for their own selfish need for attention. i don't care how badly you think that person is your soulmate. if they're committed, they're not for you. deal with it and move on.
i really wish that people could practice more empathy. when making choices, we should all (myself included), try harder to genuinely reflect on how our actions will affect others. what goes around comes around. if you don't treat others with respect, they won't treat you with respect. if you don't take others' feelings into consideration, they won't acknowledge yours. if you don't give a fuck who you're hurting when you screw with me and the people i love, expect the same courtesy from me when i bring judgment to your doorstep. so if you're reading this, and you think it applies to you, it probably does. i want you to run far away from me and my life and the people i love after this. trust that you'll never want to look back once i'm done with you. stop e-mailing, stop text messaging, stop leaving voicemails, stop waiting for him to come online. stop living in a fantasy world. stop trying to ruin people's relationships, their lives, and their families. you're only digging your grave deeper, and you're going to find nothing but hell at the bottom. fiery redheaded hell.
who can fault me for wanting revenge when this stuff happens? i work my ass off day and night trying to be a good daughter, a good girlfriend, a good student, a good friend, and to be honest and honorable first and foremost in all that i do. so you can imagine how fucking pissed off i get when some whore tries to wreck the happy life i've built. i've made my mistakes, and i've paid for them. i take full responsibility. and now it's your turn.
get ready, sweetheart, because karma is a bitch. and if you don't believe in karma, I'm a far bigger bitch.
so believe in that.
boy do I feel better....so yeah, Italy in a week!!! methinks i could use a vacation... nightnight.
i leave for italy in one week. i'm very excited, don't get me wrong, but I'm also very scared. and please don't say "but you're going to have an amazing time!" yes. i know that. if i hear that one more time, i'm going to take a fork to someone's eye. even though it's going to be fantastic, that doesn't change the fact that it's pretty terrifying to think that i'll be living in a foreign country where i don't speak a single word of the language for a month with my family and my boyfriend on the other side of the atlantic. i am fully aware of all the wonderful parts of this experience, but that doesn't make the apprehension just magically vanish alltogether.
i am worried about 2 situations. #1 being my family. my parents have been fighting a lot lately and there is stuff going on that has me paranoid about the stability of my family. i'm really worried that something bad could happen if i go away like this. i am also worried about how i'm going to address this problem in the next week, because i definitely have to, and i'm not looking forward to that.
#2 is Dan. our relationship has been better than ever recently, but I can't help but worry that things could change with me halfway around the globe. i'm worried about how he and i will fare this summer in general. when we're both so busy, we get tired and stressed and fight a lot more than usual. i just don't want that to be the case this summer, but Dan reminds me of my Dad in the sense that he's somewhat of a workaholic, and i have seen how that has negatively effected my parents' relationship. but at the same time i feel really guilty asking him to cut back on all the stuff he does for my sake, because i know how important everything is to him. it's just hard when he gets so tired because our visits end up being more about us sitting around until one of us starts to doze off than about doing actual fun stuff. and when we're tired, we're cranky. i foresee this becoming a problem if we can't find some sort of a balance. but part of me feels like it's mostly my fault for wanting to see him so much before i leave. i dunno....but we can both work our little hearts out once i'm gone and none of this will matter.
that said, i wrote something in a previous entry, and I ended up not posting it because i never finished writing it. i'm going to post it now because i still feel this way, even though some of my initial rage has subsided...which essentially means, i'm no longer homicidal. i'm still pretty bent on revenge. Dan has advised me that this is probably not the healthiest course of action, and he's exactly right. so i'm going to handle this the healthy way. i'm going to be the bigger person and be totally calm and collected when i confront this head on in real life, but that doesn't mean i can't write about how pissed off i am in live journal land...so brace yourself. if people involved read this. good. i hope they do. i hope they read it again and again and it gets burned into their memories forever. i hope it keeps them up at night. i hope they cry.
i want every girl on the planet that has ever even looked twice at a guy who is committed to someone else to feel exactly how i feel right now. i have NEVER gone after a guy who has a girlfriend, nor have i ever even given thought to such a thing. nothing hurts more than having your heart broken, and I would never want to be responsible for causing someone else that kind of pain. I think girls (and guys)who toy around with infidelity are absolutely disgusting. there are BILLIONS of people out there looking for love, so there is no reason anyone should be driven to pursue a person that is already taken except for their own selfish need for attention. i don't care how badly you think that person is your soulmate. if they're committed, they're not for you. deal with it and move on.
i really wish that people could practice more empathy. when making choices, we should all (myself included), try harder to genuinely reflect on how our actions will affect others. what goes around comes around. if you don't treat others with respect, they won't treat you with respect. if you don't take others' feelings into consideration, they won't acknowledge yours. if you don't give a fuck who you're hurting when you screw with me and the people i love, expect the same courtesy from me when i bring judgment to your doorstep. so if you're reading this, and you think it applies to you, it probably does. i want you to run far away from me and my life and the people i love after this. trust that you'll never want to look back once i'm done with you. stop e-mailing, stop text messaging, stop leaving voicemails, stop waiting for him to come online. stop living in a fantasy world. stop trying to ruin people's relationships, their lives, and their families. you're only digging your grave deeper, and you're going to find nothing but hell at the bottom. fiery redheaded hell.
who can fault me for wanting revenge when this stuff happens? i work my ass off day and night trying to be a good daughter, a good girlfriend, a good student, a good friend, and to be honest and honorable first and foremost in all that i do. so you can imagine how fucking pissed off i get when some whore tries to wreck the happy life i've built. i've made my mistakes, and i've paid for them. i take full responsibility. and now it's your turn.
get ready, sweetheart, because karma is a bitch. and if you don't believe in karma, I'm a far bigger bitch.
so believe in that.
boy do I feel better....so yeah, Italy in a week!!! methinks i could use a vacation... nightnight.