(no subject)
As I was sitting here in my very boring human bio class while my right arm hurt from playing racquetball, a thought smacked me right in the head.
I'm going to die.
Yes, one day I , Sarah M. King, am going to die. Do I want to die? Yes and no. Yes because I want to go to heaven and talk to God and all that wonderful stuff, but no because I don't get to live anymore. I just don't want to die right now. I have a feeling that I am going to die young. Not like twenties or anything, but I think that I will die when I still have a family to raise.
I must be really messed up in the head to be thinking about stuff like this, but for some reason right now death is just weighing heavily on my mind. Maybe because of Amy's death or the declining health of my great grandmother. I have never really lost a close family member. True I lost my step uncle back in 2001, but we weren't extremely close, but I couldn't imagine if something happened to my Nanny or anyone like that. I would absolutely go insane. I would.
Maybe I have a fear of dying right now cause I think I am going to die before I get to do anything. All the things that I have done that some people haven't aren't the best of goals. I want to get married, have kids, and go to Disney World, but mostly the marriage cause sex goes hand in hand with marriage, and that is something I am really looking forward to.
There is still so much I have left to see. I have to see my sister get married and have babies. I have to watch my little brother play little league baseball and grow up. I have to see my little sister graduate high school. I have to see my mom retire. I have to see what happens to all of my friends. I have to see Kara become a mommy. I have to see if Ceci really does marry Chris Carrabba. I have to see my kids call Lace "Auntie Booboo". I have to see who I am in 20, 40, 60 years. I have to see myself grow up. I have to see myself get married, have babies, go on family vacations, go to stupid recitals my kids are in, watch my kids graduate, watch my kids get married, hold my grandbabies, and celebrate my 50th anniversary with my husband. I have to see a lot more, and nothing can stop me...but death.
However, if I do die in the near future, I want everyone to know that I am ok. True, I have done some bad and stupid stuff in my life, but that is what grace is for. Grace is what will save me.
I love y'all....