what's next?
ok, i think i figured out what i need to do. im not gonna make you 2 pick, im going to make things easier on u guys and i'll decide myself. you guys can be together if thats what u want that bad, but dont expect me to be around if u are. i can hang out with each of u at different times or whatever, but u cant expect me to see that. julian, u know that i have given u many chances to come out and hang out with us but u decided what u wanted to do. ya know, i figure, give it another 2, 3, 5 months and me and julian will make contact again and maybe it will be like its ALWAYS has been. maybe not, who knows. not me. and katie, i really considered you my best friend too, but that made me lose respect for you cuz i told u everything that i felt for him. EVERYTHING. but that didnt matter. if i was really ur best friend, u wouldnt have had to think twice about what to do. i dunno... im just convinced that things will be ok for me. i always make it. ive been threw shitty-er. and i know that i always have mary, chad and jeff to be there for me.. even if jeff sometimes wont addmitt it... and i have always had julian there for me, for as long as i can remember (my memory is shitty though) and im hopeing it will stay that way. and last night, julian, when u told me that i was a pathetic hypocrite, i didnt know what to think. u have NEVER talked to me like that before. and i never thought u would. u were never like that. not with me at least, but i guess things change. if i have learned anything in my life, it would have to be that things do change. after i left katies today, being with just jeff, chad and mary, it was something really cool. we can all be honest with eachother and say ANYTHING. and thats how it should be. it was fun. and i didnt really feel bad about it cuz i kinda felt like it needed to happen. being around what was going on at katies did nothing for me and i felt it was needed for u two to be there. i dunno what u did, but im hopeing u talked about whats going on and u guys figured out what u want too, cuz i know thats what i did.