Baby Shower
Brooke had her baby shower today. i wanted to be there so bad. its so weird that shes haveing a baby. we're the same age and i cant even begin to picture myself with a baby. She really fuct up. It kinda hurts. I remember us in the 4th grade taking cigarettes from her mom, playing uno with her sister. locking little tony in the closet. remember rudy?? i do.. he was funny to watch. well, at least it WAS funny to watch.. now it seems sad. were those days really that long ago?? how did she grow up so much faster then me? why did she? she never played with barbies. i remember this. i gave her my favorite one for chirstmas one year. i can still see it in that ugly green dress, inside the shoe box. she never played with it. she never wanted to.. she wanted to go down the street and tease the boys instead. and id follow. wanting to be like her. maybe im the one that grew up faster. maybe thats why im here in this life, and shes there in that one. maybe thats why i stayed in school, and she can hardly spell her name. Maybe... but i still miss her. she filled my head with lies and i miss her. odd huh... i convinsed myself for a while that i could change her. if only she'd come back here, i could change her. she would change for me. but i knew she wouldnt. she never will.