what am i to you
you could say, i am sick of being happy for everybody else. everyone else in love. it's ridiculous i know, but how can i not be. i push everyone away, i deserve lonliness on about 14 thousand levels. but i can't say i will be able to deal with it for much longer. but i can't put myself out there. why would i? after everything. after all people have done to me. they wore out my security, my forgivness and my strength. i have nothing left to give to anyone, and some how that is going to have to keep me going.
i'm going to have to deal with being scared. and i will have to end up alone. but i don't want to. i wish for once i could be happy. but the rejection of 80% of guys makes me shudder at the thought of that happening again.
i know i am going to end up by myself, with cats. if this doesn't change.
i mean i could see myself being with him, falling for him like crazy. if i can see it, and other people can. why is he so blind to it?