(no subject)

[lilmieri333]

wow i haven't written in an online journal in soo long. this is crazy. but it feels really good even though i havent said anything. hmm well ill start off with the last time i posted. i went on the ACTS retreat in October. it was fun I met a lot of cool people but my faith was and still is the same. almost non existant. well kinda. i go to church almost every Sunday and Thursdays ..I go to ATCS meetings every Tuesday. But I just feel like I shouldnt be a Catholic. Like it dosen't feel right. I remember it used to. I remember praying every night when I was little with my mom. I really like praying too and I would even add in my own little prayers and intentions. I kinda wish we still did that. I rarely ever pray anymore. I just don't feel like it and when I try to I don't feel focused. I can never just focus and start talking. I always just say "Dear God...I'm going through a lot right now and please help blah blah" and don't really sincerely mean it. I don't know what to do. I know the upcoming ACTS retreat won't do much for me either. I don't know what will. I just don't know about this at all. Church dosen't feel right. I hate it. On top of that my friends are dwindling. Pretty soon I won't have any. I can't wait. ugh. Bridget hangs out with popular people that have normal high schools lives. so does everyone else. I hang out with Ana like all day. She's cool and we can talk and everything but I htink we're getting sick of eachother. Shes always like putting me down. The other day i had ot take a religion test and i was liek ok im gonna take it in a mod im gonna study some more and she wasl ike "um youve been studying" everything i say she has to say a comment like that like "umm you just said the oppostie of that" i just cant say anything right without her having some commcent about me. and shes the only person i hang out with at school. i cant cant cant wait to go to college. the only problem is im not motivated. i have so much school shit work to do i havent done. ill make a list just to amke myself feel better
work i havent done

-spanish 2 assignments and workbook (last friday and this monday)
-algebra assignment or quiz corrections (last wednesday)
-chemistry assignment and lab (last week)
-history rough draft paper (tuesday)
-religion lap (tomorrow)
-english paper and vocab test (last thursday/friday)

not to mention other assignments that arent due yet that i havent started. what the fuck. imnot gonna get into college and work is just piling up and theres no way im ever going to finish it and ahhhh. im sreiosuly going crazy and want to cry. GODGODDDDDDDD oh my fucking goddd. i suddenly hate everyone and everything and thers no way im getting anything done. FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKk
the end