Friends
Well, I just spent all this time writing an entry just to have it not post. So now I have to do it all over again.......
Have you ever heard something that made you think, "Holy shit, that is it! I get it!" Some call it an epiphany. I had one of those the other day.
What about hearing something and thinking, "I knew it!"? Had one of those too. I believe it is called an I-told-you-so moment.
In the post that did not post I had a long part about friends. To summarize, friends suck. Maybe it is my choice in people that sucks. Normal people have friends and through my first year in college all my mom could say was, "Made any friends in any of your classes Blaise?" No mother. I pay UTPB to educate me, not to incorporate me. I do not go out of my way to make friends, never have, never will. Friends have been pretty shitty to me in the past. Like the ones I had in high school. I broke up with my boyfriend for cheating on me. Did my good friends stick beside me? Absolutely not. In fact, they became HIS good friends. My mom picked me up for lunch everyday because I had no car and no friends to ride with. It may seem stupid now but in high school, that was devastating. And that pretty much sealed the deal on how I would feel about friends the rest of my life. I had known some of those friends since elementary school. Then there was the girl I hung out with for like 3 months, everyday. Later I find out that she was telling everyone I was her "girlfriend" and not in the plutonic sense. Then there was Natalee who I shared an apartment with. She basically set Charles and I up so she could get with Charles' friend. When the friend wanted nothing to do with her, she turned on Charles and I. She was pissed because he was taking up all of her time with me. She moved out one night while I was gone and left me with all the bills.
These are the people I have been friends with. And to be honest, I have no reason to think things are gonna change now. This is why I am just going to lie back and make no efforts. I am tired of being angry, tired of trying and getting nothing back in return. I am going to follow Charles' philosophy, "Fuck it". His friends are the biggest pains in the ass I have ever met. But they never get to him. They never bother him. Because he doesn't care. If they don't call, so what? If they don't come by, who cares? I am having a really hard tme learning but I think I can get it down. It is steadily becoming easier.
I don't want anyone to think I am writing this about them. Dear God, all I need is a phone call saying, "If you have a problem we need to talk about it....blah, blah, blah" Oh yeah, and while on the subject, I'm not doing the whole talking through problems either unless it is with Charles, who doesn't do that anyway. It never solves the problem, it just sugarcoats it. Problems are best solved with time.
I am having one of those days where everything becomes clear and easy. I love my family because I have to, my future husband because I want to and friends because I can. Not because it is inherent. Friends take help from both sides and if I don't get it it, I damn sure ain't giving it. I am happy and stable as long as I am with Charles, looking for a job (fingers crossed), thinking about a house and family. These are the stable things in my life, the dependable ones. Being undependable is just something I don't have any need for. I am not 16 and it just isn't fun anymore.
Having a shitty day thus far......
Have you ever heard something that made you think, "Holy shit, that is it! I get it!" Some call it an epiphany. I had one of those the other day.
What about hearing something and thinking, "I knew it!"? Had one of those too. I believe it is called an I-told-you-so moment.
In the post that did not post I had a long part about friends. To summarize, friends suck. Maybe it is my choice in people that sucks. Normal people have friends and through my first year in college all my mom could say was, "Made any friends in any of your classes Blaise?" No mother. I pay UTPB to educate me, not to incorporate me. I do not go out of my way to make friends, never have, never will. Friends have been pretty shitty to me in the past. Like the ones I had in high school. I broke up with my boyfriend for cheating on me. Did my good friends stick beside me? Absolutely not. In fact, they became HIS good friends. My mom picked me up for lunch everyday because I had no car and no friends to ride with. It may seem stupid now but in high school, that was devastating. And that pretty much sealed the deal on how I would feel about friends the rest of my life. I had known some of those friends since elementary school. Then there was the girl I hung out with for like 3 months, everyday. Later I find out that she was telling everyone I was her "girlfriend" and not in the plutonic sense. Then there was Natalee who I shared an apartment with. She basically set Charles and I up so she could get with Charles' friend. When the friend wanted nothing to do with her, she turned on Charles and I. She was pissed because he was taking up all of her time with me. She moved out one night while I was gone and left me with all the bills.
These are the people I have been friends with. And to be honest, I have no reason to think things are gonna change now. This is why I am just going to lie back and make no efforts. I am tired of being angry, tired of trying and getting nothing back in return. I am going to follow Charles' philosophy, "Fuck it". His friends are the biggest pains in the ass I have ever met. But they never get to him. They never bother him. Because he doesn't care. If they don't call, so what? If they don't come by, who cares? I am having a really hard tme learning but I think I can get it down. It is steadily becoming easier.
I don't want anyone to think I am writing this about them. Dear God, all I need is a phone call saying, "If you have a problem we need to talk about it....blah, blah, blah" Oh yeah, and while on the subject, I'm not doing the whole talking through problems either unless it is with Charles, who doesn't do that anyway. It never solves the problem, it just sugarcoats it. Problems are best solved with time.
I am having one of those days where everything becomes clear and easy. I love my family because I have to, my future husband because I want to and friends because I can. Not because it is inherent. Friends take help from both sides and if I don't get it it, I damn sure ain't giving it. I am happy and stable as long as I am with Charles, looking for a job (fingers crossed), thinking about a house and family. These are the stable things in my life, the dependable ones. Being undependable is just something I don't have any need for. I am not 16 and it just isn't fun anymore.
Having a shitty day thus far......