Great....Blaise is ranting....again

[lillychamille]

I am getting to the point in my job that is equal to where I was before 'the incident' at the OA. Thats right, about the point I got 'asked to resign'. I feel the same way at my job now as I did in the months before the OA kicked me out. I roll my eyes when my boss talks, I object outright to his bullshit and question everything he does instead of accepting it simply because he is my boss. I catch every red light on my way, I show up 5 minutes late everyday and simply don't care anymore. It is like I sabotage myself into getting fired. It is subconcious but not totally because I know and I don't care. I don't purposely show up late or question the boss, it just happens. I take my time showering in the morning and slip out phrases like "Yeah fucking right Justin, I'm sure you will get that paperwork done today without my help" I am honestly trying to get a new job (I sabotage that too sometimes) but I don;t want just any job. I am about to graduate and I want a job in Biology. I noticed that they are hiring for a student to work in the Biology stockroom which would be intersting but the lady that runs the place is a biatch. And it is only part-time. And Jennifer is going to put in a good word for me at the City of Odessa for a job testing wastewater for bacterial and chemical amounts. I just don't know if I want to wait to hear about that or just quit and jump into the part-time job. I hate in-between times like this. I always make the wrong decision. Maybe I should just work part-time this semester and worry about a full-time position after graduating. But what is I take the stockroom job and then get offered the full-time job? I feel bad ditching people unless I really hate the job. But Justin is just stringing me along at Longhorn and I know it. Since high school has started back up I haven't worked in the office unless Kelly went to apply for school or something. I would really just like to ditch them and see if she can handle shit by herself. I know she can't but I want Justin to see that even though she is cute and has big boobs she is incompetant. And he cannot handle my personality. He wants someone that falls for his bullshit and accepts everything he says at face value. I'm a questioner, a doer, a thinker. Sure I may be different but that is waht I love about me. I get shit done. When it comes to work, I want to work and not play strip poker or truth or dare. It is called work for a reason. I may not have huge breasts, or perfect hair or skin, and yeah, I have dark circles under my eyes and I have a pudge and dress alittle differently. But I have awesome friends and a fiancee that thinks I am gorgeous and loves my sarcasm. So why do I care what Justin thinks? He is a fat man who cheats on his wife, has 3 little girls that he is going to fuck up, and strangly enough has no self-esteem but is insanely smug. He needs constant ego massages and feels the need to tell eveyone that he only buys clothes at Dilliard's because cheap clothes don't feel as good and he got approved for a $150,000 loan when Charles and I only got $40,000. What a loser. At least I am happy with clothes from Ross and $40,000 for a home with the person I love. And I ACTUALLY love Charles, unlike Justin who treats his wife like a maid. He called her insane for sending him an email saying that she loved him. He said she was psycho and stalked him. SHE IS YOUR WIFE JACKASS!

Dear Lord that felt good. But it still didn't help me decide on a job. I start school Monday though and get to start dissecting horny toads for research. I CAN"T WAIT!!!!