Here we go again.
Something brought on the love tonight.
Strong enough to feel it deeply in my chest. Strong enough to bring me to my jewelry box, strong enough for me to spend a half hour putting a puzzle together. I feel it's warmth. I feel it's beauty.
It isn't fair you know. Yes, I'm still on this closure thing, I haven't moved on to self forgiveness. I'll get there one day, but for now...
I love you.
You see, there is this problem I have. I love... a lot. And I love forever. I wish I came with a disclaimer: Beware. I, more likely then not, will break your heart when you least expect it, yet love you more then the day we met, and shall continue to love you long past the time allotted, and long past when you've healed... because I still haven't. And I won't, I don't think, until I get my closure.
How do I drop these feelings? How can I let go? How do I let myself let go? How do I forgive myself for that time I let you go?
For that day I should have kissed you, snuggled in your warmth, held your hand... maybe even given a proper welcome home.
Why do I feel guilty, when I was the one feeling less loved?
Ugh... that day I should have kissed you. That's what I'm feeling right now. That's the feeling I wish I was snuggling up in.
...make it go away.
Ha... but here I am, clinging to a puzzle like it actually means something thses days. It has no more mreaning, but I hold it like I wish it did.
Go me. I love you still.
Strong enough to feel it deeply in my chest. Strong enough to bring me to my jewelry box, strong enough for me to spend a half hour putting a puzzle together. I feel it's warmth. I feel it's beauty.
It isn't fair you know. Yes, I'm still on this closure thing, I haven't moved on to self forgiveness. I'll get there one day, but for now...
I love you.
You see, there is this problem I have. I love... a lot. And I love forever. I wish I came with a disclaimer: Beware. I, more likely then not, will break your heart when you least expect it, yet love you more then the day we met, and shall continue to love you long past the time allotted, and long past when you've healed... because I still haven't. And I won't, I don't think, until I get my closure.
How do I drop these feelings? How can I let go? How do I let myself let go? How do I forgive myself for that time I let you go?
For that day I should have kissed you, snuggled in your warmth, held your hand... maybe even given a proper welcome home.
Why do I feel guilty, when I was the one feeling less loved?
Ugh... that day I should have kissed you. That's what I'm feeling right now. That's the feeling I wish I was snuggling up in.
...make it go away.
Ha... but here I am, clinging to a puzzle like it actually means something thses days. It has no more mreaning, but I hold it like I wish it did.
Go me. I love you still.