Changing
Phew, I apologize for not keep up in the online forums. I have been going through so many big events my head feels like it won't stop spinning. So, after the quake a month of uncertainty went by before everyone decided to try to return to normal. We had only just finished mid-terms, but upon returning, we had less than a month to finish the semester. Naturally, the teachers all cut down their work loads so it was actually one of the least stressful end of semester times I've ever had. The end of my final undergraduate semester was kind of... anti-climactic...
Not that I'm complaining about a lack of stress! Anyway, so then I was just drifting through space for a little. In late March I had applied to Interac and gone through a phone interview. The public schools started on time and since I hadn't heard back from Interac I thought they surely didn't want me by that point. After a few weeks I suddenly got a call out of the blue saying they wanted a physical interview. You guys probably remember me freaking out about that a little. I was so nervous! I practiced a lot and I felt like it went well. About two more weeks passed and again I totally gave up hope. Then they randomly called me and asked why I hadn't been in touch. Um, because I'm a moron??
They said that they wanted to formally offer me employment, conditional on my graduation. I ran around school trying to get ANY official letter or diploma or anything I could, but my graduation hadn't been officiated at all yet, so they totally blew me off. Those bitchy women wouldn't even give me a rough time frame. It was the most ridiculous thing ever. I finally got a date for a confirmation letter from the bursar and she said she would also try to rush for me. She is a sweet woman^^.
In the meantime, the company decided to bring me in for training and contract signing and a medical check so that as soon as I handed them the official school crap I would be able to start working. Apparently your visa just needs to be processing while you work. I just finished the training course Friday and I can't even describe how crazy it was. Basically, you as an ALT are a clown and an entertainer. No matter what grade you teach. Seriously. Goofy. Well, even though it's embarrassing, I think I can do it. It's playing with kids, and I really love kids. It was from 9:30 to 5 every day for a week and it was seriously intense. I was so stressed out.
Adding to my stress, during Golden Week I had a cold from HELL. I went the first day and got medication, but after that ran out it was still the holidays and the clinic was closed. I went the day before training started to get something for this lame left-over cough. The antibiotics he gave me made me feel SOOOO sick I was constantly crouching in the bathroom sure that I was going to puke. I went back for more meds, and ended up taking FOUR total stomach pills for ONE anti-biotic. It still made me feel incredibly sick. I skipped my last day.
The whole time during my training I was also still working my part-time job and I was just SOOO exhausted. Plus I had to do HW for the training. Lame. I would get home at 10pm, do the HW and fall asleep to wake up at 9:30 again.
Friday afternoon I had to go to the health check my company had set-up. It was AWFUL. They assembly lined about a dozen of us through every test they could come up with. I... have never felt less like a human. I think I would feel better at the vet. Anyway, I stumbled away from the training feeling more like a robot or slave or something than ever. At least it wasn't as bad as Rachel's health check with the blood-drawing nurse from hell.
On top of all that, I had my birthday coming up. I'm terrible at planning and parties, so I just waffled around and no one wanted to come without something concrete. I ended up just picking some place, but then everyone bitched about doing the set. I didn't want to have some big deal at the end with trying to figure out the bill for an hour while I sat there awkwardly. In the end, only three ppl said they would come and we had two maybes. I dropped the attachment to the set bc that's a pretty small group. We got there and it was too dark to read the menu at all. We decided to get a cheaper set that hadn't been on the website. About an hour later, the stragglers showed up. One person and his girlfriend couldn't afford the set so they ended up leaving. I felt bad. The other person stayed. It ended up being a good group and we had a lot of fun. The next day was quiet and romantic with Harry. He bought me a new dress and some fancy new shoes XD.
So! Anyway, I have basically felt like I have really been changing through all of this. I think I felt myself changing right after the quake. I think this experience with the job is changing me. I also feel different because I'm getting older. I no longer know everything about myself. It's difficult to describe... I feel more like I'm becoming my full adult self. Before I was a little childish and selfish about things. I don't think I stopped being selfish about everything, but my perspective seems to have changed. When I think about the person I was when I first arrived in Japan... I really think I've matured from there. Maybe it's good, maybe it's bad.... I'm just different. I think I'm drifting closer to being a worker and mother (not that I have plans in the near future). Before I wanted to be one, but I wasn't sure I was ready. Now I feel kind of pushed and shoved that way, but I think I can do it. I feel like I'm at the edge of a great gap and I'm trying to work up the courage to jump in. I think I'm almost ready to jump.
Not that I'm complaining about a lack of stress! Anyway, so then I was just drifting through space for a little. In late March I had applied to Interac and gone through a phone interview. The public schools started on time and since I hadn't heard back from Interac I thought they surely didn't want me by that point. After a few weeks I suddenly got a call out of the blue saying they wanted a physical interview. You guys probably remember me freaking out about that a little. I was so nervous! I practiced a lot and I felt like it went well. About two more weeks passed and again I totally gave up hope. Then they randomly called me and asked why I hadn't been in touch. Um, because I'm a moron??
They said that they wanted to formally offer me employment, conditional on my graduation. I ran around school trying to get ANY official letter or diploma or anything I could, but my graduation hadn't been officiated at all yet, so they totally blew me off. Those bitchy women wouldn't even give me a rough time frame. It was the most ridiculous thing ever. I finally got a date for a confirmation letter from the bursar and she said she would also try to rush for me. She is a sweet woman^^.
In the meantime, the company decided to bring me in for training and contract signing and a medical check so that as soon as I handed them the official school crap I would be able to start working. Apparently your visa just needs to be processing while you work. I just finished the training course Friday and I can't even describe how crazy it was. Basically, you as an ALT are a clown and an entertainer. No matter what grade you teach. Seriously. Goofy. Well, even though it's embarrassing, I think I can do it. It's playing with kids, and I really love kids. It was from 9:30 to 5 every day for a week and it was seriously intense. I was so stressed out.
Adding to my stress, during Golden Week I had a cold from HELL. I went the first day and got medication, but after that ran out it was still the holidays and the clinic was closed. I went the day before training started to get something for this lame left-over cough. The antibiotics he gave me made me feel SOOOO sick I was constantly crouching in the bathroom sure that I was going to puke. I went back for more meds, and ended up taking FOUR total stomach pills for ONE anti-biotic. It still made me feel incredibly sick. I skipped my last day.
The whole time during my training I was also still working my part-time job and I was just SOOO exhausted. Plus I had to do HW for the training. Lame. I would get home at 10pm, do the HW and fall asleep to wake up at 9:30 again.
Friday afternoon I had to go to the health check my company had set-up. It was AWFUL. They assembly lined about a dozen of us through every test they could come up with. I... have never felt less like a human. I think I would feel better at the vet. Anyway, I stumbled away from the training feeling more like a robot or slave or something than ever. At least it wasn't as bad as Rachel's health check with the blood-drawing nurse from hell.
On top of all that, I had my birthday coming up. I'm terrible at planning and parties, so I just waffled around and no one wanted to come without something concrete. I ended up just picking some place, but then everyone bitched about doing the set. I didn't want to have some big deal at the end with trying to figure out the bill for an hour while I sat there awkwardly. In the end, only three ppl said they would come and we had two maybes. I dropped the attachment to the set bc that's a pretty small group. We got there and it was too dark to read the menu at all. We decided to get a cheaper set that hadn't been on the website. About an hour later, the stragglers showed up. One person and his girlfriend couldn't afford the set so they ended up leaving. I felt bad. The other person stayed. It ended up being a good group and we had a lot of fun. The next day was quiet and romantic with Harry. He bought me a new dress and some fancy new shoes XD.
So! Anyway, I have basically felt like I have really been changing through all of this. I think I felt myself changing right after the quake. I think this experience with the job is changing me. I also feel different because I'm getting older. I no longer know everything about myself. It's difficult to describe... I feel more like I'm becoming my full adult self. Before I was a little childish and selfish about things. I don't think I stopped being selfish about everything, but my perspective seems to have changed. When I think about the person I was when I first arrived in Japan... I really think I've matured from there. Maybe it's good, maybe it's bad.... I'm just different. I think I'm drifting closer to being a worker and mother (not that I have plans in the near future). Before I wanted to be one, but I wasn't sure I was ready. Now I feel kind of pushed and shoved that way, but I think I can do it. I feel like I'm at the edge of a great gap and I'm trying to work up the courage to jump in. I think I'm almost ready to jump.