decisions suck!
Tonight wasnt as good of a night as i had hoped. i went 2 work then came home and the subject of my mom never getting the car came up and how she is forcing me 2 learn 2 drive a stick stift. then i was informed that i cant drive my dads car because the company is taking his pickup back after hes done chopping. which means im S.O.L. on a car to drive to school. and which means i may not be able 2 do bowling. then the june situation came up. originally it was just supposed 2 me going 2 maine in june but then my parents decided they wanted 2 go too so we would just drive down there. but because of financial circumstances they cant go now. so they kinda expected me 2 drop all of my plans that i made almost a year ago.
i then proceeded to tell my parents what i have been thinking about alot lately: me moving back to maine after my visit in june. i explained why i wanted to do this: all of my family is there, there are more jobs that pay a hell of a lot more than here. and i also explained that i knew the negative things about moving back to: closer 2 dick head, a higher cost of living and having to wait a year 2 go 2 college so i wouldnt have 2 pay out of state tuition. my mom flipped. i got told that i would never make it on my own and how i cant drive in bad weather and all that. and that i was just supposedly was doing it to get away from her and everyone else in my house. and i also got told that i wouldnt be helping the girls any. and i got bitched at cuz then i wouldnt get child support ne more if i didnt go straight into college. she made me feel like shit. and right there she wanted an answer on what i was going to do.
Did i answer her? no. all i said was that i wasnt sure yet. because truthfully im not. i have already started looking at colleges in maine and ive already applied here so which ever place i choose i will have some sort of knowledge on where i want 2 go 2 school. college may be out of the picture because 1: my parents can't afford it, they cant even afford my senior year 2: i have 2 bust my ass 2 try 2 get scholarships so i may have a shot at going to college and 3: i will have to be the one paying for all the expenses, which is impossible right now because i cant find a job. so i am left with nothing. thats why i wanted 2 try living in maine where i know i will be able 2 find a job. im gonna talk 2 my relatives in maine 2 see if they can help me pay for my plane ticket out there and if i can stay with em while i try 2 find a job and apartment. then i will save up for college and then go the next year after i have established residency there. that is if i decide 2 move there.
but where mom is sick im kinda scared 2 go. i dont want to hurt my parents but i will be 18 by june and i think that is when i should be allowed to make my own decisions. my mom needs to realize she cant always keep me on her leash. and how does she know whether or not i can handle things on my own? she doesnt.
i am just really fabobled about how i feel right now. its like i am the rope in tug a war, being pulled back and forth. does ne one have ne suggestions on what i should do? cuz right now i need all of the help i can get.
*Lilly*
i then proceeded to tell my parents what i have been thinking about alot lately: me moving back to maine after my visit in june. i explained why i wanted to do this: all of my family is there, there are more jobs that pay a hell of a lot more than here. and i also explained that i knew the negative things about moving back to: closer 2 dick head, a higher cost of living and having to wait a year 2 go 2 college so i wouldnt have 2 pay out of state tuition. my mom flipped. i got told that i would never make it on my own and how i cant drive in bad weather and all that. and that i was just supposedly was doing it to get away from her and everyone else in my house. and i also got told that i wouldnt be helping the girls any. and i got bitched at cuz then i wouldnt get child support ne more if i didnt go straight into college. she made me feel like shit. and right there she wanted an answer on what i was going to do.
Did i answer her? no. all i said was that i wasnt sure yet. because truthfully im not. i have already started looking at colleges in maine and ive already applied here so which ever place i choose i will have some sort of knowledge on where i want 2 go 2 school. college may be out of the picture because 1: my parents can't afford it, they cant even afford my senior year 2: i have 2 bust my ass 2 try 2 get scholarships so i may have a shot at going to college and 3: i will have to be the one paying for all the expenses, which is impossible right now because i cant find a job. so i am left with nothing. thats why i wanted 2 try living in maine where i know i will be able 2 find a job. im gonna talk 2 my relatives in maine 2 see if they can help me pay for my plane ticket out there and if i can stay with em while i try 2 find a job and apartment. then i will save up for college and then go the next year after i have established residency there. that is if i decide 2 move there.
but where mom is sick im kinda scared 2 go. i dont want to hurt my parents but i will be 18 by june and i think that is when i should be allowed to make my own decisions. my mom needs to realize she cant always keep me on her leash. and how does she know whether or not i can handle things on my own? she doesnt.
i am just really fabobled about how i feel right now. its like i am the rope in tug a war, being pulled back and forth. does ne one have ne suggestions on what i should do? cuz right now i need all of the help i can get.
*Lilly*