Sigh
I am really depressed right now. I feel like everything is mounding up and I am stuck beneath it all. There seems to be no comfort in any of my thoughts which saddens me and scares me all the more. All I can think about is the amount of homework/make-up work I have to do and the thought of going back to school and facing it all terrifies me. I also have to go to court again next Monday, oh the joys in that. Then there is the thoughts of home. I wish there was something to look foward to. Like being able to move out in the fall, or go off to college, but no. I am stuck here until I can raise enough money to move out on my own. Get my own place like a small condo or something. Feel what it is like to be independent and away from the bullshit of my home.
I get this same feeling every once in awhile, and it will pass, but for the time being it truly sucks. Like the feeling of drowning, the feeling of constant fear, the feeling of not being able to take a breath. The scary thing is how long it has been since I have felt this way. Atleast depressed to this extent. Scarier then that is why I can't get happy if I do have all these great things going for me. For instance I only have like 5 weeks left of high school, the college aplication already in, a long time to make up all my work, and a boyfriend who loves me. Then why am I so unhappy you ask? I wish I knew the answer. I feel like the only solution though is to run away to a place far away and escape it all. Get in my car with my music playing as loud as possible and drive as far as I can go. No one to check in with, or worry about. No one to keep happy or satisfied. No one in the world to concern myself with but me.
If only that was a possibility . I am just sick of the here and the now. The people, the rules, the stress. I wish I could just say to hell with all of it...... to hell with me.
I get this same feeling every once in awhile, and it will pass, but for the time being it truly sucks. Like the feeling of drowning, the feeling of constant fear, the feeling of not being able to take a breath. The scary thing is how long it has been since I have felt this way. Atleast depressed to this extent. Scarier then that is why I can't get happy if I do have all these great things going for me. For instance I only have like 5 weeks left of high school, the college aplication already in, a long time to make up all my work, and a boyfriend who loves me. Then why am I so unhappy you ask? I wish I knew the answer. I feel like the only solution though is to run away to a place far away and escape it all. Get in my car with my music playing as loud as possible and drive as far as I can go. No one to check in with, or worry about. No one to keep happy or satisfied. No one in the world to concern myself with but me.
If only that was a possibility . I am just sick of the here and the now. The people, the rules, the stress. I wish I could just say to hell with all of it...... to hell with me.