Can't Sleep
I cannot sleep. I watched The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien. Or is it O'Brian? Oh hell, I can't remember. I missed Neil Young though. Damn.
The SO and I talk less and less these days. Tonight he came home after 2000 and didn't even bother calling me to tell me he would be late. He said it slipped his mind. Sure. Work is so demanding I know, because that's all I hear when we DO talk and it's how much you hate it so. I didn't even bother to make dinner. Why the hell should I go through the process of it when I don't even know when he's gonna come home? He usually eats a couple of bowls of cereal at night anyway, and he did tonight. So I guess that was his supper.
Fuck.
I really need to get the hell out of here. I wish something positive would come in about work. I already received two messages about two positions that I applied for, but they were telling me that they're received my outreach forms and they won't be screening them for another week or so. I am climbing the walls here. I need to hear something soon, damnit!
I feel like Persephone, in the sense that she has to divide the time she spends with her husband, Hades in the Underworld, and with her mother, Demeter, on Earth. When spring comes around I get excited, because I know I will be getting to work again (Demeter). When Fall shows up, that's when I have to pack my things and go back to the SO (Hades), and wait. And as much as I love fall and winter, and that I get to see all of my babies, I still get that longing to be back on the Forest again. Sigh.
I know what I've said about the SO. He's been so supportive of me all these years, but lately I'm feeling a bit of disconnect. There's no passion, no excitement, just blah. The well-worn shoe is in need of new soles.