doctors orders
allen said i'm supposed to write out my dreams, so they won't be stuck inside, and i won't think about them all day, so here it goes.
i was sure i was awake, i thought i was asleep but then in my dream i woke up, so i knew it was real. i was at prom, it was outside, and i saw an SUV pull up. Josh and Anna, and a few others came out. I sat on the ground and let everyone huddle around me. They were all laughing and it was really hilarious. Eventually I got up. My dress was white and a bit fairy tale-ish. with an empire waist and very flowy skirt.I can't remember the series of events, which happened first but I know Anna came at me with a knife, I fell to the ground trying to fend her off, josh grabbed it from her, and ended up stabbing her to protect me. he started telling me how he broke up with her, and she went crazy. later she came back, all healed, as i was getting into josh's car, she said it was their car, and they had their own house, and how they were going to be together forever and now it was over. i just looked at her, and sincerly told her i was sorry. josh then drove me somewhere. we had a cellphone, but didn't give me the number. he held me and showed me his tattoos, one wasn't finished and he said he was gonna have anna's face put on the angel's body. i said that he must have really thought they'd be together for ever. he said no, very honestly almost surprised, and said he always wanted to be with me. but i wasn't totally happy, i was jealous of the life they had. later we got seperated and i couldn't find him and didn't have his number. i spent the rest of the dream looking for him.
now, i wrote it out. i really don't feel any better. i wish i was happy, i wish i was excited and ready. i wish i wasn't stuck back six months ago. i wish that writing all of this could change something. but it can't, they are just words, and no matter how much people like them, and the awards i get for them, it doesn't make any of them true. it doesn't make anything better...