Jun 03, 2005 13:36
ugh. so having just completed my second year of college, i've been thinking alot about things lately. well i always think alot, but since its a slow day at work today i'm actually going to make an entry about them. aren't you thrilled.
so like i said, i'm half-way done with my college career and i'm freaking out again, just like last year's mid-life crisis - i say mid-life because by the time i am 38 i plan on having a family with babies and therefore my life as an individual will cease to be and shift focus to be on my children. i don't plan on dying, but in this sense a part of me - the dependence-free part - will die when my children are born. its true. don't even try to argue with it. if you try i will surely conquer you.
what was i talking about?
oh yes, i'm freaking out. i've finished two years of college and what do i have to show for it? not a whole lot. a good, but not impressive gpa. i've worked every break for pretty much the past 4 years, and i have nothing to show for that in terms of money either. all of it has had to pay for some expense - senior class trip, laptop, tuition.
and this brings me to my main point of freak-out. the money. i am fortunate enough that scholarship reduced my debt from $160,000 like many of my classmates have to pay. but then again, many of my classmates have parents paying their entire tuition, and two of my classmates have their childhood hollywood careers to pay for them. currently i PERSONALLY am approximately $57,000 in debt. by graduation that number will more than double itself. $120,000 to pay off when i leave nyu. and all i can think is, is it worth it? i know its a great school and all, but when it comes right down to it i really don't know.
people ask me how it is, and i almost always tell them things are really good, super fun, lots to do, great classes... and its all true... to an extent. its fun, when i have time to do fun things and people to do them with. there's lots to do, but i don't have that much money to spend on them. the classes in my major are amazing, but i could definitely be getting better grades. i could elaborate on each of these points forever, but that would make this entry several years long.
but anyway, i think about nyu, and everything that goes with it and i cannot say with any great degree of certainty that i made the right choice in picking it. sometimes i wonder if i should transfer, but when it comes right down to it, the academics win. i love my program and what i'm learning, and that's the bottom line. but the rest of it, the social life, the money, the city, i can't say are all that i had wanted when i started.
the worst part is that i know that if i really wanted to, i could change the things that i don't like. i could get a better paying job if i looked, i can make more friends and have more to do if i got more involved at school. both things which i always resolve and tell myself to do, but never actually get around to. but this year, i NEED to, or else i'll never forgive myself.
thinking back, i should have looked at more colleges, but i didn't and there's no point in regrets, but i still wonder what life would be like if i went to a different school. one that has a campus and a "college experience". i'm almost sure i would have more friends, and undoubtedly more money. but i'll never really know.
don't get me wrong though, i am happy at nyu, and i am so grateful for the experiences and opportunities that it has and will continue to afford me. but just as i would wonder at any other college what my life could have been like at nyu, i wonder what my life would be if i had chosen differently.
how funny, my dad handed me an article about the sticker shock of colleges while i was typing this article and nyu is #5 on the 40k club with the average cost of $43,184. when i grow up, i will have to pay for my time at nyu in a literal way. and i question how this adds up. but i'm hoping that i'll be able to land a more than decent job via the opportunities in my school. or maybe even better - i'll find a boy in the stern business school to be my sugar daddy. maybe one with a double major in finance and management. HAHAHAHAHA JUST KIDDING. maybe.