(no subject)
Dear Pinto,
If you need to poop, maybe you should consider pooping when I take you outside. Don't just sniff around and then give up when you can't find the perfect blade of grass to crap on. I know there's a good chance that the perfect spot is on the far side of the next building over, but honestly, I am fucking sick of walking you over there because then you shit right outside someone's window when he is inevitably looking out, and it's pretty awkward. I don't know why you aren't embarrassed to poop in front of a stranger like that, but you really should be.
Another matter that needs to be addressed is your inability to carry out excretory functions in damp conditions. I can understand not wanting to be pelted with hail while pissing. However, to whine and carry on because the ground is ever so slightly wet (be it from rain, sprinklers, or simply the morning dew) is unreasonable. Have you not noticed the distinct lack of logic? The longer you stand there, one paw lifted high above the offensive wetness, the longer you still have to pee and the wetter you get. Think about it, Pinto. It doesn't make a lot of sense, does it?
In conclusion, stop being so picky. You are a dog. Try to act like it. For fuck's sake.
If you need to poop, maybe you should consider pooping when I take you outside. Don't just sniff around and then give up when you can't find the perfect blade of grass to crap on. I know there's a good chance that the perfect spot is on the far side of the next building over, but honestly, I am fucking sick of walking you over there because then you shit right outside someone's window when he is inevitably looking out, and it's pretty awkward. I don't know why you aren't embarrassed to poop in front of a stranger like that, but you really should be.
Another matter that needs to be addressed is your inability to carry out excretory functions in damp conditions. I can understand not wanting to be pelted with hail while pissing. However, to whine and carry on because the ground is ever so slightly wet (be it from rain, sprinklers, or simply the morning dew) is unreasonable. Have you not noticed the distinct lack of logic? The longer you stand there, one paw lifted high above the offensive wetness, the longer you still have to pee and the wetter you get. Think about it, Pinto. It doesn't make a lot of sense, does it?
In conclusion, stop being so picky. You are a dog. Try to act like it. For fuck's sake.