Boldness of maturity.
I grew up with a small group of girls who were somewhat moral- whatever that means- that used to talk about how they were good Christians no matter what they did. They also thought that clothing was no one's business, and that no one cared what they wore. So they wore provocative clothes and stuff, and said there was nothing wrong with behaving inappropriately with a guy (meaning, beyond kisses, since all of us grew up with different "appropriate" standards, and kisses are kind of a part of nonmarital relationships all over the place. Depends on the kiss, I guess. ahem.) So, one of them got married, and the rest tried to get me to wear their kind of clothes to the reception of the wedding. I showed them what I looked like in their clothes, but I stuck with a good old dress. (and went to a reception, surrounded by drunk people dancing poorly in a smokey bar. The only fun part was that I got to talk to old friends). They tried to make me feel bad, but last week was validating for me. One of them was just leaving Wal-Mart after seven years, and decided to wear a near-miniskirt to work. The next day, someone commented on how I was dressed appropriately.
I was proud, but it made me rethink how often I gave in to those girls because they thought they knew better than me. As a matter of consistency, my life is not patterned like theirs, but I have chosen some actions that were quite against God's will for me. Sometimes, it is hard to believe that God is going to build a strong witness with my life out of that past. And of course, I'm always catching my conscience telling me, "watch out, because even though this isn't on your big list of sins, it's not righteous and honorable!" (say, gossip or something-- how do you know when you go from explaining your life, to discrediting your witness or badmouthing those around you?)
As I grow older, I choose more behaviors based on experience, more than knowledge. That is, I knew sin wass bad, but it was worse to live it!!! The things I tried doing even when I knew better are no longer as attractive because I have seen the bad consequences, and because I'm bad at forgiving myself for them. I know in my head that they're no longer a part of my identity in Christ, because Christ has dealt with them. But you take for granted that you are what you have lived.
When I was out walking today, I stopped and talked to my neighbor, who had a hard, tough kid past when she was my age, but sobered up and got married a couple of years later. Hearing her wisdom and knowing her standing in Christ gives me hope for me. I hope that I will get to be more frank with her now that I'm an adult-- I've always enjoyed her, but only as a child. Now I will have an opportunity to be on an equal level with her, and see how she turned her disobedient past in to an obedient, servant's life in Christ.
Yawn, yawn, it is time for me to be in bed! :)
I was proud, but it made me rethink how often I gave in to those girls because they thought they knew better than me. As a matter of consistency, my life is not patterned like theirs, but I have chosen some actions that were quite against God's will for me. Sometimes, it is hard to believe that God is going to build a strong witness with my life out of that past. And of course, I'm always catching my conscience telling me, "watch out, because even though this isn't on your big list of sins, it's not righteous and honorable!" (say, gossip or something-- how do you know when you go from explaining your life, to discrediting your witness or badmouthing those around you?)
As I grow older, I choose more behaviors based on experience, more than knowledge. That is, I knew sin wass bad, but it was worse to live it!!! The things I tried doing even when I knew better are no longer as attractive because I have seen the bad consequences, and because I'm bad at forgiving myself for them. I know in my head that they're no longer a part of my identity in Christ, because Christ has dealt with them. But you take for granted that you are what you have lived.
When I was out walking today, I stopped and talked to my neighbor, who had a hard, tough kid past when she was my age, but sobered up and got married a couple of years later. Hearing her wisdom and knowing her standing in Christ gives me hope for me. I hope that I will get to be more frank with her now that I'm an adult-- I've always enjoyed her, but only as a child. Now I will have an opportunity to be on an equal level with her, and see how she turned her disobedient past in to an obedient, servant's life in Christ.
Yawn, yawn, it is time for me to be in bed! :)