StoryWorth: Winning
Have you ever won anything?
I've won games from time to time, a couple of raffle prizes at benefit events, and I actually won a trivia game at Theatre@First’s recent Shakespeare Slam, so it is not true that I never win anything. But I don’t get picked out of the audience to participate, I don’t win at sweepstakes, or slot machines. If there’s skill involved I do a little better-like the trivia game, or card games, and I do pretty well at board games that don’t require a great deal of strategy. But in general, I don’t think of myself as a winner in those contexts.
I used to resent that. There was the feeling of futility raising my hand, filling out the ticket, sharing to win. The sadness of hopes dashed and dreams unrealized. The suspicion that the universe is chuckling at my expense. It wasn’t something I spent much time on, just a little zing at every loss.
Then I realized that I am a huge winner on so many more important fronts. I was incredibly lucky in my birth family, who bestowed on me some extraordinary privileges, while instilling in me a sense of love and confidence in myself that astonishes my therapists. I was lucky enough to find my people relatively early and to have an amazing community. Despite some pretty risky choices along the way, I’ve been very lucky not to have suffered many consequences of my stupidity. I won the grand prize with my husband and together we’ve been lucky in so many ways. Despite the bad hand I was dealt in fertility, I had the resources to have the child I had always wanted and then gotten lucky in her, as well. I won my dream house and my days are filled with meaningful work (albeit unpaid, but I’m lucky enough for that not to be a deal-breaker). I have won my dream vacation, many times over, without having to listen to timeshare spiels. I could go on and on about how lucky I have been, how much I have, and how grateful I am for it.
I definitely feel like a winner.
This entry was originally posted at https://lillibet.dreamwidth.org/1317016.html. You can comment either place! There are
comments over there now.
I've won games from time to time, a couple of raffle prizes at benefit events, and I actually won a trivia game at Theatre@First’s recent Shakespeare Slam, so it is not true that I never win anything. But I don’t get picked out of the audience to participate, I don’t win at sweepstakes, or slot machines. If there’s skill involved I do a little better-like the trivia game, or card games, and I do pretty well at board games that don’t require a great deal of strategy. But in general, I don’t think of myself as a winner in those contexts.
I used to resent that. There was the feeling of futility raising my hand, filling out the ticket, sharing to win. The sadness of hopes dashed and dreams unrealized. The suspicion that the universe is chuckling at my expense. It wasn’t something I spent much time on, just a little zing at every loss.
Then I realized that I am a huge winner on so many more important fronts. I was incredibly lucky in my birth family, who bestowed on me some extraordinary privileges, while instilling in me a sense of love and confidence in myself that astonishes my therapists. I was lucky enough to find my people relatively early and to have an amazing community. Despite some pretty risky choices along the way, I’ve been very lucky not to have suffered many consequences of my stupidity. I won the grand prize with my husband and together we’ve been lucky in so many ways. Despite the bad hand I was dealt in fertility, I had the resources to have the child I had always wanted and then gotten lucky in her, as well. I won my dream house and my days are filled with meaningful work (albeit unpaid, but I’m lucky enough for that not to be a deal-breaker). I have won my dream vacation, many times over, without having to listen to timeshare spiels. I could go on and on about how lucky I have been, how much I have, and how grateful I am for it.
I definitely feel like a winner.
This entry was originally posted at https://lillibet.dreamwidth.org/1317016.html. You can comment either place! There are
comments over there now.