Self-Esteem in High Places

[lillibet]

Here's the LA Times article that caught my eye this morning that suggests we may have done too good a job encouraging self-esteem in our children, to the point that narcissism is possibly a problem among college-aged youth.

Thoughts?

Comments

[jelazakazone]

This makes me feel very good about the parenting/lifestyle choices we have made (no tv, limited toys (in fact, every day I feel my kids need fewer toys), limited number of activities, limited computer time, but lots of time to play, read, notice what is going on in the world, interact with family and friends, create things).

I don't know what the deal with "permissive parenting" is. Personally, I have limits. I think we all do. I see kids doing things that I would not allow my kids to do to me because it is just downright disrespectful of another human being and it makes my skin crawl. I don't know how people can let their own kids treat them that way (they allow hitting, scratching, being climbed all over, etc). I'm not a total dictator, but our kids know there are limits and they know which ones are worth testing and which ones aren't:)

I also think that everyone having an Ipod and a cell-phone puts people in these incredible little bubbles. One day I saw a teenager walking down the street with his Ipod in one ear and his cell phone up to his other ear. It just struck me that he was probably oblivious to his surroundings (not that they were great surroundings to take in, but still...). I was just recently remarking to someone that I don't like to watch tv because I prefer to have natural experiences.

Anyhow, sorry. Didn't mean to veer completely off the subject:P It's a subject that dh and I talk about from time to time and I think it's so interesting because dh had a computer when he was like 12 (which would have been 1983) and has used computers and been "online" since 1985 and yet he prefers to read on his commute to work and we have very little in the way of popular technology, if you will. We don't even have a portable cd player:)

tangential ramble (a little off topic)

[ayelle]

> One day I saw a teenager walking down the street with his Ipod in one ear and his cell phone up to his other ear.

To be fair, when my phone rings while I'm listening to my iPod, I take the earbud out of one ear but leave it in the other with the sound paused. Could he have been doing that, or did you actually hear the pod playing music? (If so, that is so weird! I don't know how people can multitask auditory information that way. I can listen and drive, or listen and walk and explore, but I can't listen to more than one thing at once.)

I've been thinking about this lately, and theorizing that the iPod may be as much a symptom of the bubble-culture as a cause. I listen to audiobooks on my iPod wherever I go now -- and it means I don't feel as lonely and bored as I used to when I'm out and about, because it's not like anybody was talking to me before. It feels a lot like the way when I was a shy little kid I used to carry a book everywhere and read it in snatches before class, during lunch, during recess... but even though I suspect the books require even more concentration that music would, I still smile at people as I walk by, and pay attention to what's going on; and of course I always pause it whenever I'm interacting with someone, or might interact with someone.

Recently, I was zoning out on the T listening to an audiobook as usual, when a woman ran on and then sat down wheezing and gasping and fishing in her purse for an inhaler. I paused my book and asked her if she was okay, if she needed any help. She said she was fine, but she thanked me several times, and then thanked me again before she got off -- it was the first time, she said, that anybody had ever asked her if she was all right when she had an athsma attack in public. But I'm not trying to pass this off as a virtuous story by any means -- all I did was be polite!

iPods may be a symbol of the bubble-mentality, and reinforce it, but they're not the cause of it and they don't have to prevent interactions between strangers or paying attention to your surroundings. Like cell phones, they just make it easier to be oblivious if that's what you want to do. But mostly I think our problem is this mind-your-own-business culture -- I was once sick as a dog on the T, green, sweating, holding a bag in front of me, hunched over, obviously in trouble; and nobody said a thing, nobody asked if I was okay -- even though, like the athsmatic woman, I'm small and female and professional-looking and obviously not a threat to anyone. I can't explain it.

Once when I was on an elevator, as I was putting away my iPod, I got a distinct cold vibe of disapproval from the woman next to me -- I forget her exact words, but they were something along the lines of "you young people all have those things now, I see everyone walking around them them..." I ignored the vibe and said cheerfully that yeah, it was a really good book I was listening to and I was looking forward to hearing the rest of it. Her demeanor changed instantly into one of approval -- oh, I wasn't listening to that terrible music the kidz all rave about today, I was a sophisticated adult listening to books, which she thought was just great. I wonder what she would have thought if I'd said I was in a really good part of Beethoven's Ninth and looked forward to hearing the rest of it? Would that have been okay, too? /muse