Hit the road, Jill
My neighbor is a fucking idiot and I can't wait for her to leave/move. Thankfully, I only have 5 days to wait. She is a 42-year-old woman with an abrasive personality and a major drinking problem. I started accepting her offers to hang out while bored, and immediately regretted it. She can be fun, but for the most part is just looking to not be by herself. I go along with things to avoid conflict, and then wonder why the hell I bothered. She is one of those things.
After 8 months, she doesn't know anything about me except my name (she can't, she's never asked anything except totally impertinent questions), while I have heard the same shit about her over and over and over again. She is loud and dramatic and unfiltered, in all the wrong ways. She walked up to police officer, who happened to live in our building, and demanded to know why she was here. She screams at cars driving by to slow down so that they don't hit her dogs...that are almost never on a leash. She has flooded her apartment by ignorantly misusing her dishwasher, started a campfire in the parking lot, and sleeps on her couch in a massive 3-bedroom townhouse because she believes her unit to be haunted.
If you are her companion at any given time, she expects you to do shit for her and to babysit her stupidity. She would demand that I tell her how to use things that I myself would have to look up, over and over. The answer "I don't know" is apparently unacceptable, even when she doesn't know, either. She has a smartphone and a computer, but will instead bullishly try to do things she's too fucking clueless to do, usually drunk, and without attempts to educate herself, and while she expects to be stopped if she will cause problems, she's too arrogant to accept other people's opinions before her own without conflict. I'm guessing that's what happened with the dishwasher. If she successfully does totally accidental or stupid shit, people around her get blamed. "Kayla, why did you let me..."
I could be stoned beyond all recognition and still out-brain this woman by multiple factors, but she's the first to tell anyone that she's a credentialed (but currently unemployed) educator, and therefore automatically smarter than thou, and blah blah blah. Apparently not smart enough after 42 years to not show her hand like that, and also doesn't seem to allow her incredible ignorance of common everyday shit to enter that thought process. She has also said that her area of expertise is English, but my casual vocabulary blows her mind sometimes. I've also seen the fliers she's posted on the community boards for her tutoring services, and they are fucking riddled with grammar and usage errors.
The worst part is the filter and sense of humor. She gets the biggest kick out of pranks that involve scaring the living shit out of people, both in viewing YouTube videos, and in real life. I didn't want her to get comfortable enough with me that she would subject me to that shit. She liked to accuse her recent exes of being immature (but hey, go ahead and date people 10+ years your junior), but she seems to be a 12-year-old boy inside. She absolutely delights in grabbing inappropriate body parts, forcing you to touch hers, talking about sexual characteristics (but not sex itself, just boobies! and asses! and dicks! and pussies! insert lascivious giggle here!) and saying things for shock value. Point any of this out for its actual creep value, and you'll be derided for taking her seriously while drunk. The enormity of shit she chalks up to drunkenness, which I'd estimate at 75% of her waking time, is incredible. Must be nice to have a default excuse for everything you do that's seen in poor light.
Also, one of her favorite activities is "ding dong ditch" - ringing someone's doorbell or knocking on someone's door, and running away. She thinks that's the greatest thing ever. We live in a fucking high end professionals rental establishment. While I was walking with her back to our part of the building with her dogs, she snuck around me, knocked on someone's door (at 10PM on a Tuesday night) and ran the fuck away, leaving me to apologize and explain. I told her repeatedly that wasn't acceptable, and she grumbled a little bit about being reprimanded, ultimately responding with, "Oh well, I won't be here much longer!" But hey, fuck me because I will, right?
I have avoided her since that particular incident, and it's kind of hard to avoid someone who lives two doors down and doesn't work. She still attributes my unwillingness to hang out with her to shouting random shit about me in the dog run area just prior to the door knocking incident. No, asshole, you did something that, if the person living in the unit you disturbed had been so inclined to complain, might have jeopardized my living situation. Your shenanigans are only fun to you, and to frat boys.
Lastly, she is one of those smug assholes that thinks that just because she has friends of a certain label of people, she is entitled to use horrible slurs and generalizations in everyday otherwise totally irrelevant conversation, and not be judged a bigot. I really don't care if one of your tutored families told you 15 years ago that you are their n****r, that doesn't give your extremely privileged ass the right to use that term universally. And it's really nice that once you found out that I'm not okay with prejudicial slurs and ignorant myopic stereotypes, you then looked for any excuse to say them in front of me for a reaction. All of them. Yup, it's everyone else that's immature.
Interestingly, she accuses most of her exes of being narcissistic, but she's the hottest, smartest bitch around, and SUCH a huge catch. Sorry, no. Even objectively...no. Of course I'm turned off by conceit, but before I even heard a word out of her, I didn't look at her and go, "DAMN, SO HOT!" I wasn't into it from the first second I saw her, and I am hardly one to judge people's looks. Her vanity grates on my nerves, not least because I do not understand how she came to such a high opinion of herself. I don't disapprove of high self-esteem, but I do disapprove of the entitlement that seems to go along with hers ("I'm so hot, I mean of course they all wanted me immediately, who wouldn't?" < Actual quote regarding the local lesbian meetup group she joined.)
I don't confront her about this because of how volatile she is. I'm not going to jail because she doesn't have the dignity to stay out of a fight, and I'm not going to have screaming matches in the parking lot and possibly get kicked out of here. I'm sure that if she were to read this, she'd probably be thinking indignantly that she's above such things, but I have witnessed to the contrary. I've seen the way she treats people who don't want to be around her. That shit isn't worth the satisfaction of telling her off, even if these are things she really needs to know about herself.
I hope she loses my number when she moves away. Until then, I'm grateful for obscenely hot weather giving me a reason not to leave my apartment.
After 8 months, she doesn't know anything about me except my name (she can't, she's never asked anything except totally impertinent questions), while I have heard the same shit about her over and over and over again. She is loud and dramatic and unfiltered, in all the wrong ways. She walked up to police officer, who happened to live in our building, and demanded to know why she was here. She screams at cars driving by to slow down so that they don't hit her dogs...that are almost never on a leash. She has flooded her apartment by ignorantly misusing her dishwasher, started a campfire in the parking lot, and sleeps on her couch in a massive 3-bedroom townhouse because she believes her unit to be haunted.
If you are her companion at any given time, she expects you to do shit for her and to babysit her stupidity. She would demand that I tell her how to use things that I myself would have to look up, over and over. The answer "I don't know" is apparently unacceptable, even when she doesn't know, either. She has a smartphone and a computer, but will instead bullishly try to do things she's too fucking clueless to do, usually drunk, and without attempts to educate herself, and while she expects to be stopped if she will cause problems, she's too arrogant to accept other people's opinions before her own without conflict. I'm guessing that's what happened with the dishwasher. If she successfully does totally accidental or stupid shit, people around her get blamed. "Kayla, why did you let me..."
I could be stoned beyond all recognition and still out-brain this woman by multiple factors, but she's the first to tell anyone that she's a credentialed (but currently unemployed) educator, and therefore automatically smarter than thou, and blah blah blah. Apparently not smart enough after 42 years to not show her hand like that, and also doesn't seem to allow her incredible ignorance of common everyday shit to enter that thought process. She has also said that her area of expertise is English, but my casual vocabulary blows her mind sometimes. I've also seen the fliers she's posted on the community boards for her tutoring services, and they are fucking riddled with grammar and usage errors.
The worst part is the filter and sense of humor. She gets the biggest kick out of pranks that involve scaring the living shit out of people, both in viewing YouTube videos, and in real life. I didn't want her to get comfortable enough with me that she would subject me to that shit. She liked to accuse her recent exes of being immature (but hey, go ahead and date people 10+ years your junior), but she seems to be a 12-year-old boy inside. She absolutely delights in grabbing inappropriate body parts, forcing you to touch hers, talking about sexual characteristics (but not sex itself, just boobies! and asses! and dicks! and pussies! insert lascivious giggle here!) and saying things for shock value. Point any of this out for its actual creep value, and you'll be derided for taking her seriously while drunk. The enormity of shit she chalks up to drunkenness, which I'd estimate at 75% of her waking time, is incredible. Must be nice to have a default excuse for everything you do that's seen in poor light.
Also, one of her favorite activities is "ding dong ditch" - ringing someone's doorbell or knocking on someone's door, and running away. She thinks that's the greatest thing ever. We live in a fucking high end professionals rental establishment. While I was walking with her back to our part of the building with her dogs, she snuck around me, knocked on someone's door (at 10PM on a Tuesday night) and ran the fuck away, leaving me to apologize and explain. I told her repeatedly that wasn't acceptable, and she grumbled a little bit about being reprimanded, ultimately responding with, "Oh well, I won't be here much longer!" But hey, fuck me because I will, right?
I have avoided her since that particular incident, and it's kind of hard to avoid someone who lives two doors down and doesn't work. She still attributes my unwillingness to hang out with her to shouting random shit about me in the dog run area just prior to the door knocking incident. No, asshole, you did something that, if the person living in the unit you disturbed had been so inclined to complain, might have jeopardized my living situation. Your shenanigans are only fun to you, and to frat boys.
Lastly, she is one of those smug assholes that thinks that just because she has friends of a certain label of people, she is entitled to use horrible slurs and generalizations in everyday otherwise totally irrelevant conversation, and not be judged a bigot. I really don't care if one of your tutored families told you 15 years ago that you are their n****r, that doesn't give your extremely privileged ass the right to use that term universally. And it's really nice that once you found out that I'm not okay with prejudicial slurs and ignorant myopic stereotypes, you then looked for any excuse to say them in front of me for a reaction. All of them. Yup, it's everyone else that's immature.
Interestingly, she accuses most of her exes of being narcissistic, but she's the hottest, smartest bitch around, and SUCH a huge catch. Sorry, no. Even objectively...no. Of course I'm turned off by conceit, but before I even heard a word out of her, I didn't look at her and go, "DAMN, SO HOT!" I wasn't into it from the first second I saw her, and I am hardly one to judge people's looks. Her vanity grates on my nerves, not least because I do not understand how she came to such a high opinion of herself. I don't disapprove of high self-esteem, but I do disapprove of the entitlement that seems to go along with hers ("I'm so hot, I mean of course they all wanted me immediately, who wouldn't?" < Actual quote regarding the local lesbian meetup group she joined.)
I don't confront her about this because of how volatile she is. I'm not going to jail because she doesn't have the dignity to stay out of a fight, and I'm not going to have screaming matches in the parking lot and possibly get kicked out of here. I'm sure that if she were to read this, she'd probably be thinking indignantly that she's above such things, but I have witnessed to the contrary. I've seen the way she treats people who don't want to be around her. That shit isn't worth the satisfaction of telling her off, even if these are things she really needs to know about herself.
I hope she loses my number when she moves away. Until then, I'm grateful for obscenely hot weather giving me a reason not to leave my apartment.