(no subject)
Got a customer story for y'all.
Yesterday a well-dressed fiftyish businessman type came in.* The following account is not exaggerated in any way.
Man: I'm looking to buy a gift for someone, something to make her livingroom smell nice, that kind of thing.
Me: Well, we have these scented oils and oil diffusers...
Man: No, no oils.
Me: We also have scented candles...
Man: I don't want to give her candles.
Me: Well then, there's always incense.
Man: Where's the incense?
[He is standing right in front of a large display of incense, staring at it.]
Me: It's, ah, right there.
Man: So what are these?
Me: That's cone incense.
Man: What's cone incense?
Me: Well, it's...it's incense in the shape of a...cone.
[Man looks baffled. So I open a box and show him.]
Me: And see? These packs include a little ceramic dish for you to burn the incense in.
Man: So -- you grow the incense in the dish?
[??!?!! grow?]
Me: No, you -- you burn the incense in the dish.
Man: How does that work?
Me: You light the tip of the cone, and blow out the flame, and the ember glows and gives off smoke.
Man: Are there instructions on the box?
Me: I don't think so.**
Man: Well, I don't know about this. How is she supposed to know what to do?
Me: Well, you can always just...tell her.
Man: No, I don't want to do that.
[??!?!!]
Man: So what's this?
Me: That's wand incense.
Man: What's that?
Me: It's incense in the shape of a wand. Well, it looks like this [opening box], these long sticks or wands of incense, and you burn it the same way, lighting the tip and then blowing out the flame.
Man: Do I burn it in that same dish?
Me: Actually, with this kind, you have to stick it up your butt. Noooo, it wouldn't really work, there's nowhere to put it... you burn it in a long incense burner, like these.
[He seems baffled until I demonstrate by inserting a stick.]
Me: And then as it burns, see? The ashes fall down onto here.
[Feeling like I'm explaining to a rather slow four-year-old]
Man: So which fragrance is the best one?
Me: Well, everyone has different favorites, it depends on what scents the person prefers--
Man: What's a popular scent for women?
Me: Again, it varies a lot, but florals might be good, like jasmine or rose.
Man: I'll take rose. I want the cones. And this card, too.
Me: Okay. That's $5.45, for a total of $5.80 with tax.
Man: Can you gift wrap this?
[Yes, he wants the whopping $2.95 box of incense gift-wrapped.]
Me: We don't offer gift wrap, but our bags are pretty and I can give you some tissue paper.
Man: That's fine. Make sure there aren't any prices on anything.
[Because you'll look like such a BIG SPENDER without them, my man, you and your solitary wee box of incense.]
Man: Oh, can she return this if she doesn't like it?
Me: Yes. Now for the love of Zod, get out of my store.
_______________________________________________________________
*This man would've been a teenager in the late 60s. Yet somehow the entire incense experience passed him by.
**I've been amazed by how many people have said, "I burned up all my incense before a friend told me you're supposed to blow out the flame, so I'm getting some more and trying again."
Yesterday a well-dressed fiftyish businessman type came in.* The following account is not exaggerated in any way.
Man: I'm looking to buy a gift for someone, something to make her livingroom smell nice, that kind of thing.
Me: Well, we have these scented oils and oil diffusers...
Man: No, no oils.
Me: We also have scented candles...
Man: I don't want to give her candles.
Me: Well then, there's always incense.
Man: Where's the incense?
[He is standing right in front of a large display of incense, staring at it.]
Me: It's, ah, right there.
Man: So what are these?
Me: That's cone incense.
Man: What's cone incense?
Me: Well, it's...it's incense in the shape of a...cone.
[Man looks baffled. So I open a box and show him.]
Me: And see? These packs include a little ceramic dish for you to burn the incense in.
Man: So -- you grow the incense in the dish?
[??!?!! grow?]
Me: No, you -- you burn the incense in the dish.
Man: How does that work?
Me: You light the tip of the cone, and blow out the flame, and the ember glows and gives off smoke.
Man: Are there instructions on the box?
Me: I don't think so.**
Man: Well, I don't know about this. How is she supposed to know what to do?
Me: Well, you can always just...tell her.
Man: No, I don't want to do that.
[??!?!!]
Man: So what's this?
Me: That's wand incense.
Man: What's that?
Me: It's incense in the shape of a wand. Well, it looks like this [opening box], these long sticks or wands of incense, and you burn it the same way, lighting the tip and then blowing out the flame.
Man: Do I burn it in that same dish?
Me: Actually, with this kind, you have to stick it up your butt. Noooo, it wouldn't really work, there's nowhere to put it... you burn it in a long incense burner, like these.
[He seems baffled until I demonstrate by inserting a stick.]
Me: And then as it burns, see? The ashes fall down onto here.
[Feeling like I'm explaining to a rather slow four-year-old]
Man: So which fragrance is the best one?
Me: Well, everyone has different favorites, it depends on what scents the person prefers--
Man: What's a popular scent for women?
Me: Again, it varies a lot, but florals might be good, like jasmine or rose.
Man: I'll take rose. I want the cones. And this card, too.
Me: Okay. That's $5.45, for a total of $5.80 with tax.
Man: Can you gift wrap this?
[Yes, he wants the whopping $2.95 box of incense gift-wrapped.]
Me: We don't offer gift wrap, but our bags are pretty and I can give you some tissue paper.
Man: That's fine. Make sure there aren't any prices on anything.
[Because you'll look like such a BIG SPENDER without them, my man, you and your solitary wee box of incense.]
Man: Oh, can she return this if she doesn't like it?
Me: Yes. Now for the love of Zod, get out of my store.
_______________________________________________________________
*This man would've been a teenager in the late 60s. Yet somehow the entire incense experience passed him by.
**I've been amazed by how many people have said, "I burned up all my incense before a friend told me you're supposed to blow out the flame, so I'm getting some more and trying again."