*sigh*
Wow this is my first time on live journal in like 2 years. A lot has probably changed since then. Its a nice place to vent, because nobody reads this shit anyways! Im 19 now. I've had a gf for a year in a half, her name is katie. Which is pretty much why im writing ( to myself) you know venting...bored, and its been on my mind for awhile. we had a fight a couple weeks ago, because she claims that i was in a bad mood, which, like most of our fights was a huge misunderstanding. I put something away that she had sat up somewhere and put them in a nice and neat order on the desk, and she was like " i like how you took everything i put up there down!" and i told her she didnt have to be a bitch about it. which she claims she was joking about it, but i didnt see the smile, or her laughing or her saying "im joking" anywhere. so i took it offensively. well that apparently had pissed her off alittle more then it should have. And im not even saying that i didnt over re-act alittle bit. we both must have been moody because it pissed both of us off. she got way too offended by me telling her she didnt have to be a bitch, yet shes called me almost every name outta the book, and calls me a bitch even when shes joking, and i dont get offended i agree with her, because i know that i can be at times. so we split for a little bit, she was painting and i was stringing her sister's guitar. and she came in and was like..can you go do something so i can? usually when we're pissed at eachother we can just go in seperate rooms and be fine later on. soo thats what i thought we were doing. and apparently not. Because once again she wants to go over to her friends house. because god forbid, it kills her to have to stay away from them for a day. I got pissed because i dont have a lisense. so its not like i can just come and go when i please. i didnt know where tyler was and my sister isnt the most reliable person. so i didnt want her to have to drag me all over town looking for one of my friends. and of course all of my other friends live in columbus and cincy. so i wasnt about to make that drive. its just too far just to go hang out with someone for a couple of hours. so i finally told her that shes just too damn obsessed with her friends, that they probably want to be alone every once in awhile without her bugging them. and that she needed to start doing a better job at spending more time with me, because once again they had thrown her on first shift and i was working second. so we hardly see eachother anyways. and she just out right said that she didnt want to spend time with me. "atleast not today" is what she said. But i took great offense to that because thats just not something you say to somebody you love. no matter what kind of mood they may be in...these are things you should be prepared for when getting yourself into a long-term relationship. you cant just run to crystal and jeff every single time things get alittle bit rough. but as she says her self shes got the peter pan syndrome and she doesnt want to grow up. very true. it annoys me a lot. me and katie are two very different people. i've already went through my lazy stage, and now im trying to catch up bills and then pay 200 dollars to get my ged. she says thats being lazy. fuck that, because id rather have my sister help me or her so that i can get my ass into college and make some fucking money. i get too nervous testing around all these other people. and the waiting process takes forever and if you fail you just have to keep going through the same process again. its just a hassle. even my mom says that i should go for the online thing. anyways...shes a i wanna be gone all the time person, and even i get bored at times, but for gods sake think of something to do together, you dont have to run off with your friends just because your bored. she says all they do over there is play cards. bull shit we have like 5 decks of cards here, whats wrong with playing with me? nothing, shes just a fucking pot head. thats what i cant stand the most. its a known fact that pot brings your motivation down and makes you lazy. gee i wonder why she never wants to clean, or be responcible? and oh gee, i wonder why shes so obsessed with going over to crystal and jeffs? because they give her what she thinks she needs. what i cant stand about pot is for those two reasons above and its that people express their emotions through the drug, they think with it, or when they are not thinking might be the problem. yeah she could be doing a lot worse of a drug and pot isnt the most horrible one out there, but damn its not that great, i started to love her before she was on that shit..and i loved her for who SHE was..not for who the drug told her to be. i can hardly stand her anymore, which is an awful thing to say, but when somebody you love can see a difference in you, and its not really you they're seeing then something has to change. either i've got to leave or you've got to quit. But thats the main problem. i've asked her to quit several times. More times then i should have to. and i know she still does it because im not retarded i know how she acts when she does it. whether i can physically see it, or smell it on her i can still see that shes doing it. which is another reason why i hate when shes on first shift she does nothing but lie. she sits at home for alittle while but then she gets bored and then bam! shes over at crystal and jeff's smoking pot. Like the other day when it was snowing really bad. i know the bitch didnt sit here all day. she said she did, buut im not stupid i know where she was at.she had ALL week to go to her mom's, get some laundry done, and call time warner. do you think that got done? HELL no! because thats the responcible mature thing to do, but instead because she knows that im stuck at work all day and theres not shit i can do about it, she goes over there and gets high. and then lies to me when i got off work and says that SOMETHING happend and she couldnt get to it. or i was doing this ( the kitchen) and it took up my whole day. uh huh im sure it did. But when i got off early and tried getting ahold of her, where do u think she was at? i'll give you three guesses and the first two dont count! its a wonder. so my mom had to come and get me and bring me home. she thinks because im at work all day that i dont know what shes doing. dead fucking wrong. and we were supposed to have a compromise about which days we get to see our friends. well fuck that rule cuz it didnt get us very far. i think she might MIGHT have stayed home one day out of seven days..the rest she was gone. its just truely not fair how she thinks she can do whatever she wants. But if i were to act like i did before we met she would shit a brick. shes honestly lucky i dont have a lisense right now because i'd make it so we NEVER saw eachother and the second she bitched i'd tell her to shut the fuck up. she can be quite the hypocrite sometimes. she says right now that she wouldnt care if i was over at my friends everyday. but thats hard for me to do because im old-fashioned and i have a lot of respect for the people im in relationships with,and especially if i love them. which i love her we're just so different. i havent said anything to her about any of this yet. im just honestly trying to wait til i get my lisense back to see if i can just stay gone for awhile. let her have her fucking time to do whatever and see where things go. i dont know if it will last or not. i want things to, but in my opinion if u cant stop doing something so little for someone whom you claim to be your soul mate, and you feel like you have to lie to them, then its just not meant to be. But i dont know. we'll see in april i guess if things dont go downhill before that. we'll see!