Ughhh.....
Well, I guess some days are better than others... I have been feeling alright for the most part lately. I got a new job that I love, and I got to relax a lot this weekend. But when I went to sleep last night everything changed. All I dreamed about was him. He was here, back in my life, and everything was perfect. We were so happy, and all we talked about was the baby. We talked about names, where we were going to live, and how our lives were going to be great from here on out. I woke up with a smile on my face and reached out to grab his hand only to realize that he wasnt there... I immediately started crying. I yelled at myself for getting emotional. Its not like I didnt know he was gone. Hell, it will be 3 months tomorrow... 3 months, wow... Its so hard to believe. Sometimes I feel like the pain is just too much. And then sometimes I am able to force it out of my mind. I dont know how it has been 3 months and I have yet to deal with this. It sucks that we never got to experience all the happiness we deserved together. I wish he had realized how much he had to live for. I would give anything in this world to have him back in my life. God, I cant take this... I dont think I will ever get better........