i need something
Today hasn't been what I expected it to be, though it started out nice. It was supposed to be relaxed and fun, which some of it was- considering my state. There were just strange moments in the day, that made me angry and sad all at once; i am exhausted. My way of dealing was acting really anxious and talkative-- like during lunch. so i apologize, i wasn't going insane (yet). Certain thoughts keep running through my head; how things have changed. how i'm so tired after being with certain people. Mostly how i feel as if I'm consistently getting fucked over. I thought it was just me being emo and selfish, but i think it has become apparent, and other people got the chance to see a tidbit today, too.
I've been putting up with way too much fakeness, and altogether insincerity. Some people may think i'm just talking about one person.. but it's everywhere i turn. When did people get this idea that I am disposable, and that because I laugh and joke alot means I take everything-including abuse- lightly? I have taken ALOT of shit from alot of people, and i have gulped down what needs to be said, and made up with people- and accepted unfair apologies. I am not going to say "well no more! fuck everyone!" or anything like that, cause I know i have my own faults, and that i gotta accept the way people are. I just wanted to say that, cause I am so tired. i wish there was a solution.
By the end of the day, i was completly out of it. I dunno what came over me. Walking from my last class I just started choking and coughing. I couldn't breath; i would suck down a little air, but then the cycle would start over again. Afterward I felt so dizzy and tired. It was so scary, not breathing. I gotta get work done, then go make some money.
Love, Lily
I've been putting up with way too much fakeness, and altogether insincerity. Some people may think i'm just talking about one person.. but it's everywhere i turn. When did people get this idea that I am disposable, and that because I laugh and joke alot means I take everything-including abuse- lightly? I have taken ALOT of shit from alot of people, and i have gulped down what needs to be said, and made up with people- and accepted unfair apologies. I am not going to say "well no more! fuck everyone!" or anything like that, cause I know i have my own faults, and that i gotta accept the way people are. I just wanted to say that, cause I am so tired. i wish there was a solution.
By the end of the day, i was completly out of it. I dunno what came over me. Walking from my last class I just started choking and coughing. I couldn't breath; i would suck down a little air, but then the cycle would start over again. Afterward I felt so dizzy and tired. It was so scary, not breathing. I gotta get work done, then go make some money.
Love, Lily