Hogwarts, 29 November to 7 December 1976
There's is still a part of her that wants to go to Dumbledore and tell him everything.
There's even a part of her that thinks (or maybe knows) that that is exactly what she should do.
Because what James and the others are doing is, in Lily's perhaps not entirely objective opinion, the most stupidly dangerous thing she's ever heard of anyone doing anywhere.
And no matter what James said, she's not sure it's necessary. She's quite sure that Dumbledore knows Remus is a werewolf and no doubt came up with thoroughly sufficient precautions to make sure he didn't run off and murder someone every full moon. And it seems arrogant -- maybe even toerag levels of arrogant -- to assume that a bunch of half-trained Hogwarts students are better equipped to deal with this than the Headmaster.
Werewolves may prefer to target humans, but Lily's fairly certain a wolf can rip a deer's throat out if it is so inclined.
Really, is it too much to ask that if he has to do this, James turn into some kind of carnivore?
So, yes, she ought to go to Dumbledore, tell him everything, and put a stop to all this before Peter Pettigrew comes running up to the castle some morning, shaky and pale and wide-eyed and says that Remus-the-wolf has killed James-the-stag.
In fact, the only way she talks herself out of telling Dumbledore that first night is the lateness of the hour. It's nearly midnight by the time she finishes alternately resolutely ignoring and obsessively evaluating her options here, and since it's still a week till the full moon, there's no point in disturbing everyone in the middle of the night.
Monday morning, she can almost convince herself that she dreamed the whole crazy thing. After all, Peter got a D on his Transfiguration OWL and could barely transfigure a biscuit into a bumblebee, so it's hard to believe he could turn himself into a rat.
Except that things with James are just a little ... off-kilter. It's not exactly awkward, it's certainly not uncomfortable, but there's a certain level of ... of cautiousness. Like he's paying just a little more attention to her than usual, or maybe it's just a slightly different kind of attention. More ... watchful.
She thinks that's the word she wants.
Watchful.
Neither of them mentions their talk in the Clock Tower, but that night she beats him at chess, easily and for the first time, and she wonders if it's because his mind's not entirely in the game or if it's some kind of apology in the weird non-language of boys.
It's not that she doesn't trust James, because she does. She can certainly appreciate how much he must trust her, to tell her all this. And, perhaps more significantly, to do so without extracting any kind of promise that she'll keep it all a secret, just an assumption that she will.
It's just that James can think things are eminently reasonable that are a little ... daring. Perhaps even foolhardy. She might go as far as reckless. Black's involvement doesn't help, because while James is reckless, Lily has occasionally wondered how Black managed to survive childhood. Or First Year. Or Second. Or ... well, you get the idea.
Remus, though ... Remus is someone Lily knows to be cautious and thoughtful and slightly less impulsive than his friends. He's someone Dumbledore trusts enough to give him the same shiny silver badge she has, after all. He knows far more about the situation than she does, or really than she ever could (if even less objective about it than she is). So Lily decides, somewhere around the time Monday becomes Tuesday, that if Remus is going along with this, if he's allowing it, then he must be reasonably certain of his own and his friends' safety. Even if she's frequently called his ability to influence the others at all into question, for something like this, with the stakes as high as they are, surely he'd put an end to it if it really were as dangerous as it sounds to Lily.
(Years from now, shortly before Harry is born, she and Remus will get onto this subject one afternoon, and he'll tell her about the guilt and the misgivings and the worry he ignored each month at Hogwarts. It will be the first, last, and only time Lily ever slaps him. But that's years from now.)
Besides, she has told James that she won't say anything. And she meant that. It's not her secret.
So she won't say anything about the Secret Animagi of Gryffindor Tower.
James stays watchful for another day or two, but by Friday he's back to flirting with her at lunch and beating her at chess, and on Saturday they finally make it into Hogsmeade on their first not-at-Hogwarts date. They wander in and out of shops, where Lily does some of her Christmas shopping and James insists on carrying her bags. They wind up at a crowded table with their friends at the Three Broomsticks.
It starts to feel like just one of those things about James that make him, well, James. He's a Gryffindor, and a Quidditch player, and an amazing kisser, and a bit of a showoff. He's got messy black hair, and beautiful hands, and a smile that could make gardenias bloom, and glasses that he wears because he's horribly farsighted. He's fiercely loyal, and frightfully clever, and devastatingly charming, and maybe just the tiniest bit mad. And, once a month, he turns himself into a stag, to keep his werewolf best friend company during the full moon.
But it's very hard to see that last as 'just one of those things about James' on Monday evening. If you can even really call it an 'evening.' It's nearly the Solstice and they're so far north. The day is short, the sun sets early and the full moon is waiting.
Lily sits in window in her room, with her knees drawn up to her chin. Her view is mostly of the lake, though she can see one small part of the Grounds that she'd expect people to pass through on their way to the Whomping Willow. She's been sitting and watching for maybe half an hour when she finally sees three figures, wrapped in cloaks and moving quickly, headed away from the castle.
After that, she discovers that she had no business using the word 'finally' after only half an hour.
She manages to at least hold her Charms book to make it look like she's revising, while her roommates are still awake. "The moon's full, there's plenty of light, I'm be fine," she tells Glynis, when Glynis asks if she wants a candle. "I won't be up much longer," Lily adds. "I just want to finish this chapter." Glynis looks at her for a second and then nods.
After they've fallen asleep, Lily gives up the pretense of the book and just sits in the window, wrapped in one of the blankets from her bed. She watches the moon make its way across the sky and watches its reflection make its way across the lake. It's a very clear, very still night.
And it's long. It's very, very long.
Finally (and this time, she thinks the word is earned), the moon sinks out of view and the eastern edge of the sky begins to grow lighter.
Some time after that, four figures make their way across that same bit of the Grounds, moving more slowly than the group that left.
Lily sighs, and slides down out of the window.
Her roommates will start to wake up soon.
Lily throws the covers back on her bed (so that it won't be completely obvious she hasn't slept at all, or even tried to) and then very, very quietly opens her trunk, lifts the trap door, and climbs down to the door to Milliways.
With any luck, she can get enough of a nap to make it through her classes today.
There's even a part of her that thinks (or maybe knows) that that is exactly what she should do.
Because what James and the others are doing is, in Lily's perhaps not entirely objective opinion, the most stupidly dangerous thing she's ever heard of anyone doing anywhere.
And no matter what James said, she's not sure it's necessary. She's quite sure that Dumbledore knows Remus is a werewolf and no doubt came up with thoroughly sufficient precautions to make sure he didn't run off and murder someone every full moon. And it seems arrogant -- maybe even toerag levels of arrogant -- to assume that a bunch of half-trained Hogwarts students are better equipped to deal with this than the Headmaster.
Werewolves may prefer to target humans, but Lily's fairly certain a wolf can rip a deer's throat out if it is so inclined.
Really, is it too much to ask that if he has to do this, James turn into some kind of carnivore?
So, yes, she ought to go to Dumbledore, tell him everything, and put a stop to all this before Peter Pettigrew comes running up to the castle some morning, shaky and pale and wide-eyed and says that Remus-the-wolf has killed James-the-stag.
In fact, the only way she talks herself out of telling Dumbledore that first night is the lateness of the hour. It's nearly midnight by the time she finishes alternately resolutely ignoring and obsessively evaluating her options here, and since it's still a week till the full moon, there's no point in disturbing everyone in the middle of the night.
Monday morning, she can almost convince herself that she dreamed the whole crazy thing. After all, Peter got a D on his Transfiguration OWL and could barely transfigure a biscuit into a bumblebee, so it's hard to believe he could turn himself into a rat.
Except that things with James are just a little ... off-kilter. It's not exactly awkward, it's certainly not uncomfortable, but there's a certain level of ... of cautiousness. Like he's paying just a little more attention to her than usual, or maybe it's just a slightly different kind of attention. More ... watchful.
She thinks that's the word she wants.
Watchful.
Neither of them mentions their talk in the Clock Tower, but that night she beats him at chess, easily and for the first time, and she wonders if it's because his mind's not entirely in the game or if it's some kind of apology in the weird non-language of boys.
It's not that she doesn't trust James, because she does. She can certainly appreciate how much he must trust her, to tell her all this. And, perhaps more significantly, to do so without extracting any kind of promise that she'll keep it all a secret, just an assumption that she will.
It's just that James can think things are eminently reasonable that are a little ... daring. Perhaps even foolhardy. She might go as far as reckless. Black's involvement doesn't help, because while James is reckless, Lily has occasionally wondered how Black managed to survive childhood. Or First Year. Or Second. Or ... well, you get the idea.
Remus, though ... Remus is someone Lily knows to be cautious and thoughtful and slightly less impulsive than his friends. He's someone Dumbledore trusts enough to give him the same shiny silver badge she has, after all. He knows far more about the situation than she does, or really than she ever could (if even less objective about it than she is). So Lily decides, somewhere around the time Monday becomes Tuesday, that if Remus is going along with this, if he's allowing it, then he must be reasonably certain of his own and his friends' safety. Even if she's frequently called his ability to influence the others at all into question, for something like this, with the stakes as high as they are, surely he'd put an end to it if it really were as dangerous as it sounds to Lily.
(Years from now, shortly before Harry is born, she and Remus will get onto this subject one afternoon, and he'll tell her about the guilt and the misgivings and the worry he ignored each month at Hogwarts. It will be the first, last, and only time Lily ever slaps him. But that's years from now.)
Besides, she has told James that she won't say anything. And she meant that. It's not her secret.
So she won't say anything about the Secret Animagi of Gryffindor Tower.
James stays watchful for another day or two, but by Friday he's back to flirting with her at lunch and beating her at chess, and on Saturday they finally make it into Hogsmeade on their first not-at-Hogwarts date. They wander in and out of shops, where Lily does some of her Christmas shopping and James insists on carrying her bags. They wind up at a crowded table with their friends at the Three Broomsticks.
It starts to feel like just one of those things about James that make him, well, James. He's a Gryffindor, and a Quidditch player, and an amazing kisser, and a bit of a showoff. He's got messy black hair, and beautiful hands, and a smile that could make gardenias bloom, and glasses that he wears because he's horribly farsighted. He's fiercely loyal, and frightfully clever, and devastatingly charming, and maybe just the tiniest bit mad. And, once a month, he turns himself into a stag, to keep his werewolf best friend company during the full moon.
But it's very hard to see that last as 'just one of those things about James' on Monday evening. If you can even really call it an 'evening.' It's nearly the Solstice and they're so far north. The day is short, the sun sets early and the full moon is waiting.
Lily sits in window in her room, with her knees drawn up to her chin. Her view is mostly of the lake, though she can see one small part of the Grounds that she'd expect people to pass through on their way to the Whomping Willow. She's been sitting and watching for maybe half an hour when she finally sees three figures, wrapped in cloaks and moving quickly, headed away from the castle.
After that, she discovers that she had no business using the word 'finally' after only half an hour.
She manages to at least hold her Charms book to make it look like she's revising, while her roommates are still awake. "The moon's full, there's plenty of light, I'm be fine," she tells Glynis, when Glynis asks if she wants a candle. "I won't be up much longer," Lily adds. "I just want to finish this chapter." Glynis looks at her for a second and then nods.
After they've fallen asleep, Lily gives up the pretense of the book and just sits in the window, wrapped in one of the blankets from her bed. She watches the moon make its way across the sky and watches its reflection make its way across the lake. It's a very clear, very still night.
And it's long. It's very, very long.
Finally (and this time, she thinks the word is earned), the moon sinks out of view and the eastern edge of the sky begins to grow lighter.
Some time after that, four figures make their way across that same bit of the Grounds, moving more slowly than the group that left.
Lily sighs, and slides down out of the window.
Her roommates will start to wake up soon.
Lily throws the covers back on her bed (so that it won't be completely obvious she hasn't slept at all, or even tried to) and then very, very quietly opens her trunk, lifts the trap door, and climbs down to the door to Milliways.
With any luck, she can get enough of a nap to make it through her classes today.