(no subject)
I've always been full of contradictions. Some examples are:
I've always wanted love and success, yet I tend to run from both of them. I want the good, but fear the bad. I hate failure, but I don't try enough to succeed.
I've always felt both innocent and evil at the same time. Sometimes I can swear I am an angel, filled will goodness. I can almost feel my delicate wings dragging behind me on the cool earth. I feel I can flex them and almost feel my feathers rustle. But at other times I feel that I am a demon. I can almost feel that I have fangs and claws with blood dripping from them.
I both want to save and destroy the world at the same time. On one side I want for there to be mass destruction and death. I want horrible things to happen. I want for there to be tidal waves, earthquakes and volcanoes of doom. But on the other side I can't bare to see anyone sad or suffering. I went to the grocery store a few weeks ago and there were some boys collecting for the special olympics. Everyone kept passing them by and they all looked so sad. They were trying to do good and I felt bad for them so I gave them my last two dollars. I was going to use it to buy lunch, but I gave it to them instead. I'm the same way around the holidays when the little Salvation Army Santas are out. I can't pass one without giving them something even if I am broke.
At the same time I am almost virginal and a complete whore. Let's face it, I am not a virgin, but I might as well be, yet I wasn't ashamed to do the stripper thing. I keep my legs closed and am very hard to get, yet I'm not afraid to rub my tits in someones face or walk around topless. I am very open minded about sex and like to try new things, but have hardly tried half the stuff I would like to because I am so closed off.
I want to be alone and surrounded by people at the same time.
I am both a servant and a master in relationships. I will do anything I can to make those around me happy, yet at the same time I get possessive. I want to be yours, but you have to be mine too.
Putting this all together I thought I was going crazy. But after having a nice long talk with Angela, I found out that I was born under the moon sign Scorpio. She said that sometimes your moon sign can come out more in you than your sun sign. I do fulfill being a virgo well...but I have very non-virgo tendencies. I will strike out if you cross me and I may wait years to seek revenge. Both Scorpio traits, as is being a self-contradiction. Thank you Angela for letting me know I am not going loco.
She has also helped me decided that I want a purple cat paw print tattoo. She thinks I should wait on getting anything bear related till I've started to get control of my bear medicine (if in fact that is what I have). Both she and my mother think I do. It is one of the hardest to get control of, but Angela thinks I will need it when I make my way out on my own.
*thinks* I went out on St.Patrick's day. By the time I went out with Lindsey she was so tired she just wanted to go to bed. So she left and I stayed in Broad Ripple with Her brother Ronnie and his Friend Samir. I think I got along pretty well with both of them. After we got back to Lindsey's apartment Samir and I stayed up and talked for a few hours. lol. He's pretty cool.
I got my first "modeling" job scheduled for this sunday. I'm not exactly sure what I'll be doing. It has something to do with the final four and statefarm...I'm not asking many questions...I am getting paid so I don't really care. lol. I haven't told my mom yet. I'm afraid she'll make fun of me. :( I've actually been avoiding her calls. She talked to my sister this morning and asked her if I was dead. lol
I told Carlos I would call him like a week and a half ago...maybe I should call him...
I've always wanted love and success, yet I tend to run from both of them. I want the good, but fear the bad. I hate failure, but I don't try enough to succeed.
I've always felt both innocent and evil at the same time. Sometimes I can swear I am an angel, filled will goodness. I can almost feel my delicate wings dragging behind me on the cool earth. I feel I can flex them and almost feel my feathers rustle. But at other times I feel that I am a demon. I can almost feel that I have fangs and claws with blood dripping from them.
I both want to save and destroy the world at the same time. On one side I want for there to be mass destruction and death. I want horrible things to happen. I want for there to be tidal waves, earthquakes and volcanoes of doom. But on the other side I can't bare to see anyone sad or suffering. I went to the grocery store a few weeks ago and there were some boys collecting for the special olympics. Everyone kept passing them by and they all looked so sad. They were trying to do good and I felt bad for them so I gave them my last two dollars. I was going to use it to buy lunch, but I gave it to them instead. I'm the same way around the holidays when the little Salvation Army Santas are out. I can't pass one without giving them something even if I am broke.
At the same time I am almost virginal and a complete whore. Let's face it, I am not a virgin, but I might as well be, yet I wasn't ashamed to do the stripper thing. I keep my legs closed and am very hard to get, yet I'm not afraid to rub my tits in someones face or walk around topless. I am very open minded about sex and like to try new things, but have hardly tried half the stuff I would like to because I am so closed off.
I want to be alone and surrounded by people at the same time.
I am both a servant and a master in relationships. I will do anything I can to make those around me happy, yet at the same time I get possessive. I want to be yours, but you have to be mine too.
Putting this all together I thought I was going crazy. But after having a nice long talk with Angela, I found out that I was born under the moon sign Scorpio. She said that sometimes your moon sign can come out more in you than your sun sign. I do fulfill being a virgo well...but I have very non-virgo tendencies. I will strike out if you cross me and I may wait years to seek revenge. Both Scorpio traits, as is being a self-contradiction. Thank you Angela for letting me know I am not going loco.
She has also helped me decided that I want a purple cat paw print tattoo. She thinks I should wait on getting anything bear related till I've started to get control of my bear medicine (if in fact that is what I have). Both she and my mother think I do. It is one of the hardest to get control of, but Angela thinks I will need it when I make my way out on my own.
*thinks* I went out on St.Patrick's day. By the time I went out with Lindsey she was so tired she just wanted to go to bed. So she left and I stayed in Broad Ripple with Her brother Ronnie and his Friend Samir. I think I got along pretty well with both of them. After we got back to Lindsey's apartment Samir and I stayed up and talked for a few hours. lol. He's pretty cool.
I got my first "modeling" job scheduled for this sunday. I'm not exactly sure what I'll be doing. It has something to do with the final four and statefarm...I'm not asking many questions...I am getting paid so I don't really care. lol. I haven't told my mom yet. I'm afraid she'll make fun of me. :( I've actually been avoiding her calls. She talked to my sister this morning and asked her if I was dead. lol
I told Carlos I would call him like a week and a half ago...maybe I should call him...