Like the Inside of Your Elbow
You're half-way there. When you touch me like this, softly...sweetly running your fingers along my cheek, or absent-mindedly running your fingers through my hair, it hurts me. Because you're half-way there.
And when you do these soft, sweet, little things, it feels as though you're all the way there. In the beginning of our relationship I felt like this often--that you and I had a real, meaningful connection that could last. I look back at how that felt and it reminds me of when I was younger, and my friends and I would play that arm game. I would close my eyes, and one of them would hold my arm and lightly run their fingers, inch by inch, ever so slowly, no heavier than a feather, up towards the inside of my elbow.
"That's it, stop!" I'd state gleefully, sure that they had reached the inside of my elbow. "You're there." I'd open my eyes though, and find it was no where close. And a lot of times, relationships feel like that. Love feels like that. When you're not looking, things can feel great, like they're progressing along steadily, and you can sit back and confidently relax, because you know things are going towards that soft spot. Sometimes, you get excited, because you can feel it--it's there!
But then you open your eyes and you realize you were wrong. You start paying attention and the ugly truth shows up--you're only part way there. And it breaks your heart, because it felt so close. For a moment, you thought you were already there.
And when you do these soft, sweet, little things, it feels as though you're all the way there. In the beginning of our relationship I felt like this often--that you and I had a real, meaningful connection that could last. I look back at how that felt and it reminds me of when I was younger, and my friends and I would play that arm game. I would close my eyes, and one of them would hold my arm and lightly run their fingers, inch by inch, ever so slowly, no heavier than a feather, up towards the inside of my elbow.
"That's it, stop!" I'd state gleefully, sure that they had reached the inside of my elbow. "You're there." I'd open my eyes though, and find it was no where close. And a lot of times, relationships feel like that. Love feels like that. When you're not looking, things can feel great, like they're progressing along steadily, and you can sit back and confidently relax, because you know things are going towards that soft spot. Sometimes, you get excited, because you can feel it--it's there!
But then you open your eyes and you realize you were wrong. You start paying attention and the ugly truth shows up--you're only part way there. And it breaks your heart, because it felt so close. For a moment, you thought you were already there.