communication
I hate it when I lose a friendship by doing something stupid. Like that time in high school when I slapped my best friend with a heartless statement? The couple of weeks afterwards when she refused to speak to me taught me a lesson about other people's feelings deserving way more respect than I was giving them, and about my own tendency toward lashing out. I deserved the silent treatment, and grew from the lesson.
But losing a friend through, as far as I can tell, no fault of my own? That feels weird. It's uncomfortable and confusing, and there's nothing I can take away from it aside from, perhaps, that people are sometimes far more complicated than I thought. When someone I considered a sister suddenly uprooted her life, broke her husband's heart, and effectively went underground last year, and I only found out after the fact from her husband's friend? That was weird. When she subsequently stopped talking to me after I expressed my confusion, I wasn't sure how to react. Here was someone who had claimed that I was family, suddenly cutting me out of the loop and burning a whole bunch of bridges, and I couldn't for the life of me figure out why.
I heard snippets of news over the following months from her husband and his friend, both of whom were as confused as I, but then nothing until a few weeks ago, when suddenly her name started showing up in various social media feeds. She's apparently getting active again, which is wonderful considering the condition she was in last I saw her, but I'm still not sure I understand why some other friends are still in her good graces, and I'm not.
It's not like I'm angry or bitter. I think she made a mistake handling the divorce the way she did, but hey, I've botched more than my share of breakups, so it's not like I'm unfamiliar with extenuating circumstances. And I don't believe that a true friend is someone who simply agrees with whatever you do just because you're their friend -- that definition of "loyalty" belongs in junior high. I sure as hell want my friends to tell me when I'm being an idiot, but what separates the friends from the enemies is that the friends do it with compassion, and get the details straight first. I told her that I thought she'd made a mistake, but that I hadn't heard her side of it and was all ears, but got only silence in return.
I guess the whole thing just makes me sad, because I did take the "sister" designation seriously, and I do still care what happens to her and how she's doing. Given my history, I understand that sometimes the only viable option at the time is the messy one. I'm also willing to agree to disagree for the sake of maintaining a friendship.
So let me put this out there...
C, I love you, I miss you, and I care about you. I would very much like to sit down and talk about life again. If that's not an option, could you at least tell me what I did to get kicked out of the sisterhood? I'll be able to accept it if I know the reason.
Now then, to find out if I can sleep sitting up so the phlegm doesn't block my airway. Oh, and the new recipe came out yummy. :)
But losing a friend through, as far as I can tell, no fault of my own? That feels weird. It's uncomfortable and confusing, and there's nothing I can take away from it aside from, perhaps, that people are sometimes far more complicated than I thought. When someone I considered a sister suddenly uprooted her life, broke her husband's heart, and effectively went underground last year, and I only found out after the fact from her husband's friend? That was weird. When she subsequently stopped talking to me after I expressed my confusion, I wasn't sure how to react. Here was someone who had claimed that I was family, suddenly cutting me out of the loop and burning a whole bunch of bridges, and I couldn't for the life of me figure out why.
I heard snippets of news over the following months from her husband and his friend, both of whom were as confused as I, but then nothing until a few weeks ago, when suddenly her name started showing up in various social media feeds. She's apparently getting active again, which is wonderful considering the condition she was in last I saw her, but I'm still not sure I understand why some other friends are still in her good graces, and I'm not.
It's not like I'm angry or bitter. I think she made a mistake handling the divorce the way she did, but hey, I've botched more than my share of breakups, so it's not like I'm unfamiliar with extenuating circumstances. And I don't believe that a true friend is someone who simply agrees with whatever you do just because you're their friend -- that definition of "loyalty" belongs in junior high. I sure as hell want my friends to tell me when I'm being an idiot, but what separates the friends from the enemies is that the friends do it with compassion, and get the details straight first. I told her that I thought she'd made a mistake, but that I hadn't heard her side of it and was all ears, but got only silence in return.
I guess the whole thing just makes me sad, because I did take the "sister" designation seriously, and I do still care what happens to her and how she's doing. Given my history, I understand that sometimes the only viable option at the time is the messy one. I'm also willing to agree to disagree for the sake of maintaining a friendship.
So let me put this out there...
C, I love you, I miss you, and I care about you. I would very much like to sit down and talk about life again. If that's not an option, could you at least tell me what I did to get kicked out of the sisterhood? I'll be able to accept it if I know the reason.
Now then, to find out if I can sleep sitting up so the phlegm doesn't block my airway. Oh, and the new recipe came out yummy. :)