TAI story attempt

[lilithlotr]

Please to be ignoring - work in progress. My attempt to take two different people's drafts of Chapter 6 of the TAI mystery and work them into a single narrative. Comments welcome, although really we must finish NOW.

CHAPTER SIX

Comments

[ohxamandax]

Oh my god! I love it!
Seriously I never thought it could end up being is good.
Good job!
There are just a few little things I noticed
-when it says rock bottom plunge, Rock isn't capitolized.
-and its supposed to be "no point in giving up now"

But other then that its good!

[lilithlotr]

I'll make those changes right now! We need to e-mail it ASAP, I imagine, as well as link it once we're done.

[ohxamandax]

Okay! Awesome sounds good!

[lilithlotr]

I sent it and requested our graphic, so we should be good. Once I get the graphic, too, I'll print the story and I'll make a TOP SECRET cover for it.

Shall we meet in line, and I'll give it to you guys to hand over at the M&G?

[nenfea]

I really like it! I think you did a great job combining the two. My name is Olivia, so I guess I'd like that on the graphic. I think this should be the final product, I really like it!

[lilithlotr]

Cool! I'll post the link, e-mail the copy, and also order our graphic

[themiminator]

-You changed tense at the beginning. Stay in past tense (the first sentence or so says 'are').
-Sisks=Siska? (in Guy Ripley's diary)
-In motion.* Earlier
-You changed tense again. Fix your tense changes! (Lol sorry, pet peeve.)
-Another formatting pet peeve: before starting quotation marks, you put a comma.
-YEAH PETER PAN!!!
-Um Idk if it matters but they don't really open with Attention this tour and Seed is never second... or am I wrong?

It was thoroughly enjoyable and clever! Well done! I love cleverness.

ps. I prefer present tense myself. But some are opposed to that.

[lilithlotr]

I changed as little as possible from their originals - can you mark these on the word copy for me to fix before I make our hard copy tomorrow?

[ohxamandax]

Hey guys! Only two more days! But anywhoo, what time are you guys gettin there on friday?
Jw cause im not sure how early ill be there. Hopefully pretty early but I still have to go to school that day =/

[lilithlotr]

We got totally screwed - our driver just cancelled and my other friend's car got rear-ended. So we've found someone else to drive for part of it and we're busing for part of it but we're having to cancel some later dates and move plans around. Keep your fingers crossed, but we hope to still make it by noon to Mpls

[ohxamandax]

Oh im sorry! That sucks a lot I hopefully will be there around 1230-1ish. Ill make sure to stay on the lookout for ya!