all families are psychotic, Thanksgiving edition
I suppose this is the time to give thanks, and look on the bright side. Let me show an exchange which occurred today, and reflects the dynamics of my family.
"Mom, I want to bake a pie, and get some flowers for the table."
"Why?? Don't get flowers! Waste of money!"
"But its ..." here I faltered. "Its to look nice! You know, for Thanksigiving! We have nothing, no tablecloth, no flowers, no decorations of any kind!"
"No! Waste of money! We don't need decorations, just eat!"
In our house, there's a sense of disconnect. Chris sits in the living room watching TV, or playing Xbox live in my dad's room. Mom sits in her room reading romance novels. Aunt 4 is, of course, not present. Uncle 6 is watching TV or lying on his bed. My brothers are each doing their own thing. That, is my family. Try to change it, try to go against the status quo? Good luck. I should know. I've lived in this family my whole life.
Here's another conversation.
"Aunt 4, come home at 6pm today. We'll all eat together as a family!"
"Oh, I don't eat turkey, I'm a vegetarian now. Besides, just worry about your own family, don't worry about me!"
"...........but you are family! and we can get other food, just come so we can all eat together! especially with grandma and grandpa gone, we should all be together. what, are you going to eat alone in some restaurant somewhere??"
"No its okay, everyday I eat oatmeal at my desk, and then come home after everyone's asleep and eat a tiny bit more. Its fine! I don't want turkey!"
".........well, i'm baking a pumpkin pie, don't you want to see how that turns out?"
"What are you doing that for? You can just get it for $5 at Sam's club. big one too."
"........because its fun.... the joy is in the cooking!"
"humph. and then you have to clean up too. make big mess."
******
I won't even go into the fact that we don't have photographs of our family on the walls. everything is bare and empty.
i want my aunt and mother to have female friends their own age. to join a book club, to have a hobby like gardening, cooking, scrapbooking, or play chess. maybe they can paint watercolors or travel. i want them to live full, fulfilling lives. instead, its like my family is waiting to die. that's it. the only barometer of life is change, constantly evolving. But I feel like I'm in a museum when I'm here, of things that have past and will always remain, exactly as they were.
I know my uncle is. he lives his days like a shadow, a ghost, a living corpse. as in "Dead Like Me": "Some people leave behind a kind word, a smile, or a good deed. Others leave behind only an empty space." He has absolutely no interaction with people, even with his own family. and he has diabetes, although he hasn't been diagnosed and he won't see a doctor. i know ten years from now, we'll be standing over his grave, and saying, "why didn't he live? when he could? why didn't he go out, and volunteer at the nature center, or join a biking club, or make a website?"
I try to do something, to change. i want to bake a pie with my own hands. i looked for a tablecloth yesterday, to no success. i will get some flowers today, and set out the plates nicely, and take pictures of my family eating, and demand chris film with his camcorder.
and I find meaning in DIY, in being around other people, in talking about things with substance and depth. i find meaning in cakes and pies, because these are the things that are served on the happiest days of your life.
i know i get my inability to focus on reality from my family, who avoid talking or thinking, and bury themselves in their own little worlds. each person in their little pod.
but i will call my aunt tonight at 5:30, and demand that she come home. she probably won't, but at least i'll say that i tried.
"Mom, I want to bake a pie, and get some flowers for the table."
"Why?? Don't get flowers! Waste of money!"
"But its ..." here I faltered. "Its to look nice! You know, for Thanksigiving! We have nothing, no tablecloth, no flowers, no decorations of any kind!"
"No! Waste of money! We don't need decorations, just eat!"
In our house, there's a sense of disconnect. Chris sits in the living room watching TV, or playing Xbox live in my dad's room. Mom sits in her room reading romance novels. Aunt 4 is, of course, not present. Uncle 6 is watching TV or lying on his bed. My brothers are each doing their own thing. That, is my family. Try to change it, try to go against the status quo? Good luck. I should know. I've lived in this family my whole life.
Here's another conversation.
"Aunt 4, come home at 6pm today. We'll all eat together as a family!"
"Oh, I don't eat turkey, I'm a vegetarian now. Besides, just worry about your own family, don't worry about me!"
"...........but you are family! and we can get other food, just come so we can all eat together! especially with grandma and grandpa gone, we should all be together. what, are you going to eat alone in some restaurant somewhere??"
"No its okay, everyday I eat oatmeal at my desk, and then come home after everyone's asleep and eat a tiny bit more. Its fine! I don't want turkey!"
".........well, i'm baking a pumpkin pie, don't you want to see how that turns out?"
"What are you doing that for? You can just get it for $5 at Sam's club. big one too."
"........because its fun.... the joy is in the cooking!"
"humph. and then you have to clean up too. make big mess."
******
I won't even go into the fact that we don't have photographs of our family on the walls. everything is bare and empty.
i want my aunt and mother to have female friends their own age. to join a book club, to have a hobby like gardening, cooking, scrapbooking, or play chess. maybe they can paint watercolors or travel. i want them to live full, fulfilling lives. instead, its like my family is waiting to die. that's it. the only barometer of life is change, constantly evolving. But I feel like I'm in a museum when I'm here, of things that have past and will always remain, exactly as they were.
I know my uncle is. he lives his days like a shadow, a ghost, a living corpse. as in "Dead Like Me": "Some people leave behind a kind word, a smile, or a good deed. Others leave behind only an empty space." He has absolutely no interaction with people, even with his own family. and he has diabetes, although he hasn't been diagnosed and he won't see a doctor. i know ten years from now, we'll be standing over his grave, and saying, "why didn't he live? when he could? why didn't he go out, and volunteer at the nature center, or join a biking club, or make a website?"
I try to do something, to change. i want to bake a pie with my own hands. i looked for a tablecloth yesterday, to no success. i will get some flowers today, and set out the plates nicely, and take pictures of my family eating, and demand chris film with his camcorder.
and I find meaning in DIY, in being around other people, in talking about things with substance and depth. i find meaning in cakes and pies, because these are the things that are served on the happiest days of your life.
i know i get my inability to focus on reality from my family, who avoid talking or thinking, and bury themselves in their own little worlds. each person in their little pod.
but i will call my aunt tonight at 5:30, and demand that she come home. she probably won't, but at least i'll say that i tried.