(no subject)
ive been doing everything in my power to keep procrastinating to my fullest ability today. there is no longer a drop of motivation left in my system and i am fully aware of this.
i began to pack my things up today and realized how excited i am to go home and enjoy summer vacation. i miss home so much lately. i think that is the reason for alot of my actions lately.
right now jeff and i havent really been talking much and i know he doesnt know that im really upset, but that has everything to do with me not saying it to him. im frustrated but i dont want to talk about it nw. he has work and so do i. it would be another stressor that needs to be postponed until i come home.
i feel as though in some ways i have seperated myself from him among other people, and some times that scares me a bit, but at the same time i feel like i need to be focused on me and a few people in my life. i have always spread myself so thin and finally i think i am understanding what it means to have a few good friends and that is more than enough. i just feel bad because jeff is one of those people but i havent talked to him, nothing has been said between him and i in so long.... i guess i have just become lost and some days i feel bad because the one thing lately that has been stable in my life has been tim and i dont want anyone else in my life to feel like i am replacing them with him.
i guess i over think things.
im just so ready to go home.
i feel so cut off from the world when i am at school. nothing exsists but classes and university issues. i hate that.
im ready to go home and wash my car, go running, go see siu, go fishing and camping with jeff, shop with my mom, go to church (yes i even miss church!) i dont know im just missing a bit of everything from home, and so when i started packing today, i was internally wishing that tomorrow was the day they were coming to get me so we could pack up the green family van and head back for rochester, ny. im so close to the end and this is why i feel this way. i feel horrid for not being really upset or sad about leaving, but im just not.
so much has happened here this year, and at times i have trouble even believing that certain things happen. i feel as though just yesterday i was sitting on my couch watching as the two twin towers came to a thundering crash and finally lay resting on the streets of nyc. even now, for some reason, the airplanes that fly low here bother me.
i remember them they declaring war as i was standing in tim's dorm room the day i was to fly back into boston.
i remember when i came home one day and my fourth roommate had moved all of her belongings out of the quad with no warning. just like yesterday.
i remember coming back after a vacation and there in front of me was a christmas tree lit up and decorated in the living room. it was all i wanted!
i remember days when i didnt want to do anything and i would go to star market and just smell the flowers in the cooler.
i remember my teacher and i having a talk about how important it is to have someone in your life who you love and adore and respect, and why i shouldnt be away from him for more than 4 weeks at a time. who knew she would be the one to convince me of this and help me plan a suprise visit to see tim.
i remember getting my nose pierced on september 16th. nikki said it looked liek the most painful thing she had ever witnessed. silly girl. i also remember telling my mom in october. yeah... maybe i wish i didnt remember that one.
i remember chopping my hair off... i went alone. it was scary yet liberating all at once. ten inches later i was a new girl.
i remember walking into the room after work and there was tim sitting on my bed waiting to give me a hug... i needed that hug that day more than he knew.
i could go on and im sure no one really wants to hear all about every little occurance this year...
i should get to german. the more i do the faster time goes, the faster ill be home.
i began to pack my things up today and realized how excited i am to go home and enjoy summer vacation. i miss home so much lately. i think that is the reason for alot of my actions lately.
right now jeff and i havent really been talking much and i know he doesnt know that im really upset, but that has everything to do with me not saying it to him. im frustrated but i dont want to talk about it nw. he has work and so do i. it would be another stressor that needs to be postponed until i come home.
i feel as though in some ways i have seperated myself from him among other people, and some times that scares me a bit, but at the same time i feel like i need to be focused on me and a few people in my life. i have always spread myself so thin and finally i think i am understanding what it means to have a few good friends and that is more than enough. i just feel bad because jeff is one of those people but i havent talked to him, nothing has been said between him and i in so long.... i guess i have just become lost and some days i feel bad because the one thing lately that has been stable in my life has been tim and i dont want anyone else in my life to feel like i am replacing them with him.
i guess i over think things.
im just so ready to go home.
i feel so cut off from the world when i am at school. nothing exsists but classes and university issues. i hate that.
im ready to go home and wash my car, go running, go see siu, go fishing and camping with jeff, shop with my mom, go to church (yes i even miss church!) i dont know im just missing a bit of everything from home, and so when i started packing today, i was internally wishing that tomorrow was the day they were coming to get me so we could pack up the green family van and head back for rochester, ny. im so close to the end and this is why i feel this way. i feel horrid for not being really upset or sad about leaving, but im just not.
so much has happened here this year, and at times i have trouble even believing that certain things happen. i feel as though just yesterday i was sitting on my couch watching as the two twin towers came to a thundering crash and finally lay resting on the streets of nyc. even now, for some reason, the airplanes that fly low here bother me.
i remember them they declaring war as i was standing in tim's dorm room the day i was to fly back into boston.
i remember when i came home one day and my fourth roommate had moved all of her belongings out of the quad with no warning. just like yesterday.
i remember coming back after a vacation and there in front of me was a christmas tree lit up and decorated in the living room. it was all i wanted!
i remember days when i didnt want to do anything and i would go to star market and just smell the flowers in the cooler.
i remember my teacher and i having a talk about how important it is to have someone in your life who you love and adore and respect, and why i shouldnt be away from him for more than 4 weeks at a time. who knew she would be the one to convince me of this and help me plan a suprise visit to see tim.
i remember getting my nose pierced on september 16th. nikki said it looked liek the most painful thing she had ever witnessed. silly girl. i also remember telling my mom in october. yeah... maybe i wish i didnt remember that one.
i remember chopping my hair off... i went alone. it was scary yet liberating all at once. ten inches later i was a new girl.
i remember walking into the room after work and there was tim sitting on my bed waiting to give me a hug... i needed that hug that day more than he knew.
i could go on and im sure no one really wants to hear all about every little occurance this year...
i should get to german. the more i do the faster time goes, the faster ill be home.