May Topic: Addiction
She tries to hide it away from everyone by wearing a mask. She presents an image of being a good girl with a big heart. The girl that was raised in Tampa by good parents with good values. Lily isn't sure when she changed. If it was when her watcher died or when she met Aidan. Maybe it was when her body changed and she became a slayer.
She's addicted to the darkness in a way that a junkie is addicted to their drug of choice. She craves the fight of a good slay. She likes the pain and the satisfaction of nearly getting her ass kicked only to come out on top. When she is fighting there is a side of her that surfaces that contradicts the image she presents to everyone else. She wonders if anyone has really seen it surface.
Lily found the room that Angel tried to keep hidden. She found the chains and the toys and the bed. The stains that couldn't be covered by a fresh coat of paint and a new bedspread. Leaning in the doorway she pictured being the one in the chains. What would it feel like to give in to that itch that was hovering below the surface just begging to be scratched? She pictured what it would be like to have someone in those chains. She wouldn't hurt Tyler, and she couldn't hurt Aidan. They both treat her like a pretty little princess, a china doll that needs to be protected, and she lets them. It's part of the mask she wears.
Sometimes she fantasizes about Connor or Angel on either side of the chains. She pictures teaching Sarah and Fred what she is really capable of. She has a full blown fantasy of the things she would like to do to Cordelia. There is something about Spike and Buffy that she can't help picturing too. She'd love to have Sophia not treat her like she was porcelain about to shatter. Knives, whips, chains, darkness, pain and shadows. It's an addiction to the dark that nags at her in the back of her mind, and she fights every day not to give in.
She's addicted to the darkness in a way that a junkie is addicted to their drug of choice. She craves the fight of a good slay. She likes the pain and the satisfaction of nearly getting her ass kicked only to come out on top. When she is fighting there is a side of her that surfaces that contradicts the image she presents to everyone else. She wonders if anyone has really seen it surface.
Lily found the room that Angel tried to keep hidden. She found the chains and the toys and the bed. The stains that couldn't be covered by a fresh coat of paint and a new bedspread. Leaning in the doorway she pictured being the one in the chains. What would it feel like to give in to that itch that was hovering below the surface just begging to be scratched? She pictured what it would be like to have someone in those chains. She wouldn't hurt Tyler, and she couldn't hurt Aidan. They both treat her like a pretty little princess, a china doll that needs to be protected, and she lets them. It's part of the mask she wears.
Sometimes she fantasizes about Connor or Angel on either side of the chains. She pictures teaching Sarah and Fred what she is really capable of. She has a full blown fantasy of the things she would like to do to Cordelia. There is something about Spike and Buffy that she can't help picturing too. She'd love to have Sophia not treat her like she was porcelain about to shatter. Knives, whips, chains, darkness, pain and shadows. It's an addiction to the dark that nags at her in the back of her mind, and she fights every day not to give in.