that's a shame.
i find it odd that i am posting 2 days in a row.
i guess i've pretty much neglected livejournal. i suppose i don't believe that my thoughts and days are important or interesting enough to share.
all i would be doing is venting my shit onto ya'll and i know for a fact that you guys don't need anymore shit in your lives.
with all this said, i'm going to be hypocritical and share a piece of my mind.
what the fuck are we doing? i'm asking, WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE DOING? fucking crazies on the street. trust is no longer a factor. it's a "trust nobody" time, nowadays.
how did all of that get fucked up? how did we end up so fucking bad that ever I, Lilian Lee, have become a pot head?
i am confessing my situation. i do not seek sympathy. i seek somebody who will explain to me why i permit myself to go day by day doing what i do.
if my parents find this i'm fucked. if anyone finds this i'm fucked. yet i do not care. why? because life for me has no reason, no point. i live to get by. i live for other people. i do not want to do anything anymore. yet, either way i lose. i feel as if my life is no longer my own. i guess that's the control you lose when drugs become a part of one's life.
i mean, the drugs i do aren't even hardcore. why am i blaming it on the drugs? oh, yeah. because it's hard to understand why one does drugs.
sometimes i feel so shitty while i'm drugged up but yet i feel more real than i normally would. i feel as if i understand everything going around me.
i understand everything yet i still question many things. this is, i guess, a control issue on my part. i never was a control freak. i never had the balls to boss people around. i walk around with a genuine smile hoping i would get one back but there's always doubt. always.
why do i torment myself with these questions and thoughts. i'm sure all of you guys do.. after all, we do live in the same century with the same mind set, no?
i guess i mentioned all of this because i assume most of you know what i mean. but that's me assuming.. once again.. there's that mother fucking doubt.
sorry for the shitty entry but i'm sure a future one will be much more easier to take on your part.
i guess i've pretty much neglected livejournal. i suppose i don't believe that my thoughts and days are important or interesting enough to share.
all i would be doing is venting my shit onto ya'll and i know for a fact that you guys don't need anymore shit in your lives.
with all this said, i'm going to be hypocritical and share a piece of my mind.
what the fuck are we doing? i'm asking, WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE DOING? fucking crazies on the street. trust is no longer a factor. it's a "trust nobody" time, nowadays.
how did all of that get fucked up? how did we end up so fucking bad that ever I, Lilian Lee, have become a pot head?
i am confessing my situation. i do not seek sympathy. i seek somebody who will explain to me why i permit myself to go day by day doing what i do.
if my parents find this i'm fucked. if anyone finds this i'm fucked. yet i do not care. why? because life for me has no reason, no point. i live to get by. i live for other people. i do not want to do anything anymore. yet, either way i lose. i feel as if my life is no longer my own. i guess that's the control you lose when drugs become a part of one's life.
i mean, the drugs i do aren't even hardcore. why am i blaming it on the drugs? oh, yeah. because it's hard to understand why one does drugs.
sometimes i feel so shitty while i'm drugged up but yet i feel more real than i normally would. i feel as if i understand everything going around me.
i understand everything yet i still question many things. this is, i guess, a control issue on my part. i never was a control freak. i never had the balls to boss people around. i walk around with a genuine smile hoping i would get one back but there's always doubt. always.
why do i torment myself with these questions and thoughts. i'm sure all of you guys do.. after all, we do live in the same century with the same mind set, no?
i guess i mentioned all of this because i assume most of you know what i mean. but that's me assuming.. once again.. there's that mother fucking doubt.
sorry for the shitty entry but i'm sure a future one will be much more easier to take on your part.