Fic- The Things You Hide In The Back Of Your Closet, BTR RPS, James/Logan R
Title: The Things You Hide In The Back Of Your Closet
Fandom: Big Time Rush RPS
Pairing: James/Logan
Wordcount: 4,011
Rating: R for dirty words and thoughts
Disclaimer: I do not own anything and I don't know anyone personally, this is a work of fiction, I make no money off this.
Summary: James invites Logan over to see his new hair cut and he has a plan... Logan doesn't seem to get the plan, Logan just seems to love embarrassing James. Based off the prompt: ok, so i really want some James/Logan cuddling. Maybe taking a nap together. idek. just as long as there is cuddling and fluffiness. but if anyone wants to add in some hurt/comfort as well, that's be awesome too. :)
http://community.livejournal.com/btr_fluff_meme/609.html?thread=15201#t15201
Author's Note: This fic is all dorky shenenigans and not much else. Funny story-I began writing this, like, the day James got his hair cut. Yeah. It takes me this fucking long to finish fic and get it posted sometimes, lol. All love for shisou_eimin because she waited patiently for it and beta'd and encouraged. <3
Logan tugs on the ends of James’ new short hair and his face doesn’t reveal much about what he thinks. James runs his hand through the opposite side and it’s still surprising when it reaches empty air so much quicker.
“I feel naked,” James says with a pout, shifting his weight from one foot to the other and picking at the hem of his t-shirt because he’s feeling so uneasy.
“I assure you you’re fully clothed,” Logan grins and takes his hand away motioning for James to twirl for him, which the other does. “But I’m always up for fixing that, you know,” he says, slapping James right square on the board-short-covered ass when it spins in front of him.
“You’re not even looking at my hair, asshole,” James faces Logan again, crossing his arms and unknowingly putting his really solid biceps on display, he pretends to be grumpy but his face twitches at Logan’s big cheeky grin.
“I’m easily distracted, you can’t blame me!”
“Whatever, man, you obviously don’t care about my plight, I’m going to go sulk in the corner,” James turns away to go clomp up the stairs to his bedroom but Logan catches his arm before he gets far.
“Aw, cheer up emo kid! Plus, it’s Kendall’s job to be the hipster, so you have to go back to being yourself,” Logan pinches James’s cheek like one of those overbearing funny smelling great aunts who look like one big wrinkly prune.
“God forbid we become unbalanced in our misfit band of ruffians,” James says with his mouth getting stretched awkwardly and not in a dirty way for once.
“Would you hate me right now if I started chanting ‘Rufio’?” Logan releases his grip and smooshes James’s cheeks around to make him look like a hybrid fish-chipmunk animal.
“Only if we don’t watch Hook later,” James replies rather nasally because his face is smooshed with his cheeks pushed in making his nose funny so that his nostrils don’t have a clear path anymore.
“I can get down with that plan,” Logan puts his pointer fingers to the corners of James’s mouth and pushes it up into a smile.
“Good. Right now, I need a nap,” Logan takes his hands away from James’s face and wipes them exaggeratedly on his jeans muttering about cooties, but James ignores him. “I was surfing all morning and I’m beat.”
“Why’d you tell me to come over if you just wanted to sleep?” Logan’s eyebrow quirks up in the very adorable ‘what the eff’ face James likes to make fun of.
“Oh gee, I don’t know, my housemates are gone for the day to Disney, it’s our day off, I got you the cupcake you like from Sprinkles…” James points each of these pros out, listing them off with his fingers before trailing off in hopes that Logan gets the idea.
“It’s Sunday-they don’t make Mocha so you got me a Black and White. Aw, you do care!” James shakes his head because Logan is obviously not getting the idea, but he rolls with Logan’s enthusiasm for cupcakes.
“Totally the opposite of caring, this is like- ”
“Making me watch Bring It On instead of a decent film, yeah yeah, whatever, take me to my cupcake,” Logan turns James’s shoulders towards the kitchen and gives a gentle shove.
“Is it your leader?” He asks back over his shoulder with a grin.
“Yes, it is, it rules my brain with a rich chocolaty fist, now chop chop, make with the cupcake.”
“Always soooo bossy-hey!” Logan pinches James on the ass and when James jumps ahead, dancing out of Logan’s reach, Logan moves past him into the kitchen like the pastry box on the counter is in his laser sighted crosshairs.
“Did you pretend to be healthy and get a carrot one again or did you decide that the delicious calories were worth it and go for Red Velvet?”
“Red Velvet, I figured I can work it off.”
Logan snorts and wiggles his eyebrows suggestively, “Yeah you can.”
“Eat your cupcake, horndog,” Logan nearly spits out the big mouthful of cupcake he’s just taken a bite of. He slaps at James’s shoulder and stomps his foot, curling over and trying to chew.
“Oh god,” he says finally, gasping a breath of air into his lungs. “Don’t ever try to make me laugh when I have the best tasting thing ever in my mouth. That could have ended in a chocolaty spewing disaster of epic proportions.”
“And tears. You can’t forget the tears of sadness you’d cry at the loss of tasty cupcake crumbs.”
“You’re finally starting to get it! Maybe you do appreciate cupcakes after all!”
“I only lived in San Diego with Sprinkles in driving distance for a big chunk of my life, no big deal.”
“I hear ya buddy, once they opened one in Dallas, life was never quite the same.”
The conversation lulls for a moment while they both stand, leaning on James’s fancy kitchen island with its fake marble top, slowly devouring their cupcakes.
“Y’know,” Logan says finally after his cupcake has vanished and he’s scraping the little cupcake paper with his bottom teeth to leave nothing behind. James grunts a sort of ‘uh?’ when Logan doesn’t immediately continue, not wanting to open his own mouth until he’s gotten more of his stupidly big bite out of his cheek- trying to keep up with Logan when eating his beloved cupcake was just a terrible idea.
Logan is still nonchalantly chewing on his paper when he says, “It’s really kind of adorable that you have those old pictures of me on your iPhone. Like, it’s creepy that you found them, but it’s cute that you saved them to your phone.” James is choking on his cupcake, which very quickly has become one giant dense red velvety ball in his throat as he tries to swallow quickly to object. Logan very patiently chews a new side of the cupcake paper while James struggles, slapping both hands down on the counter and exaggeratingly gulps down the lump of delicious and gasps for air.
“What?” James wheezes, he gives a weak laugh, “I never- Ciara must have, when I was sleeping!” Logan continues to watch James over his paper. The thing is, James wakes up earlier than Logan on a daily basis and the times they have crashed or fucked in one of their beds, in the morning they’ll mess around a little then James will do his whole big morning routine while Logan rolls back over to sleep. Eventually James makes sure Logan’s awake before he leaves to get to set early like he likes, and Logan always asks for five more minutes. But on set later, Logan will be fine because he’s running off of coffee and more sleep, while James needs the occasional cat nap on set and Ciara, being a growing girl, is always happy to curl up on a couch with him and snore away.
“Dude, she’s not Katie, and it would be the most random prank ever,” Logan quirks an eyebrow and James quickly turns to get a glass from the cupboard to fill with tap water and buy himself some time. “You must have had to hunt around for them, I don’t think I even knew they were on the internet.” James returns to the counter sipping his water and when he doesn’t say anything Logan prompts him. “I’m calling you out on being a dork and you have nothing to say for yourself?”
“In the face of wild accusations I prefer to stay mum,” James says calmly, sipping cool tap water and racking his brain for any excuse that wasn’t super lame.
“Mmmm, yes, I like it, the strong silent type,” Logan mocks him playfully, finally balling up the cupcake paper and beaning James in the forehead with it.
“That was uncalled for,” James says brushing at his forehead to get any stray crumb or Logan cooties away from his beautiful new haircut. Logan ignores him and has already turned away, supposedly heading for the living room.
“Bored now! Movie time!” Logan calls over his shoulder as he disappears around the corner into the hallway.
“Where are you-” James pokes his head around the corner into the hallway, pointing questioningly at the living room that was directly across from the kitchen. Logan glances back over his shoulder and begins to whistle innocently as he reaches the bottom of a flight of stairs. “Oh, don’t you even-” Logan grins and bounds up the stairs. “Logaaaan!” James swirls around the banister at the base of the stairs and runs up them two at a time. At the top of the stairs, James watches the door to his bedroom at the end of the short hallway slam shut.
“Ohhhh geeee, I have somehow stumbled into your bedroom and accidently locked the door! Silly me!” Logan yells through the door as James tries the handle only to find that it didn’t budge.
“Don’t go nosing around in my room, man! Open up!” James literally shakes the door in its frame, but the handle refuses to turn.
“What’s thiiiiis? A shoebox hidden in the back of your closet?” A muffled yell and rustling comes through the door and James starts searching with his fingertips on the top of each of the surrounding bedrooms doorframes for the emergency key.
“Stop right where you are and don’t even touch that!” James hollers as he swipes the key down from the top, of all places, of the bathroom doorframe. The rustling noises stop for a moment so James pauses in breaking into his own room to listen.
“Too late!” Logan cackles and the rustling starts again and then there’s an “OoooOOOOOOooooo” so James shoves the key in the lock, twists the handle and open the door to reveal--- Logan, laying on his bed with two plastic bags on his feet making the rustling noises, shoebox sitting unopened next to him. “Hah! Fooled you! Man, you should see your face!” Logan sits up on his elbows, laughing, and James tries to school is face into less of a slack-jawed red angry face.
“Not cool, man, not cool,” James mutters, snatching up the shoebox. While he’s trying to pull the plastic bags off Logan’s feet only using his own, Logan grabs onto the shoebox and tugs at it.
“So what’s in here?” He’s got that devious smile again, like he knows what it is but he just wants James to say it.
“Nothing, let go,” James frowns, tugging back.
“Nuh-uh, show me!” Logan yanks it towards himself again, making James lose his balance and bend awkwardly at the waist.
“Hands off,” he snaps his teeth at Logan’s fingers since his face is now so close to the box. Logan relents and lets go, flopping back down on the bed with his hands behind his head, looking cocky.
“Fine, don’t share. I bet I can guess what it is,” he challenges with a smirk and James ponders for a moment before standing up straight and smiling slowly.
“Okay, sure, what’s in here?” James shakes the box and it makes a clunking sort of noise.
“Sex toy. I’m betting on a fancy dildo, none of that cheap shit,” Logan says with supreme confidence, stretching his arms up over his head while sliding his feet, now free of the plastic bags, down from behind James’ knees along his calves until they hit the floor and only their ankles touch. James just smiles brightly.
“Nope!” Logan frowns at this perky reply, brow furrowing. “Good guess, but that, ironically, is in the combat boot box to the left,” he waves at the closet behind him.
“Then why don’t you want me to see what’s in that box?” Logan points, but doesn’t move his arms. James cradles the box to his chest and makes a guilty face.
“What? This box? Pffft, nothing! Nothing at all,” James coughs and subtly stretches backwards to pull his t-shirt hem up from the top of his board shorts in hopes to distract Logan.
“Show me your boooooox,” Drat. Logan giggles, “Heh, your box,” he falls into helpless snickering and James rolls his eyes.
“You’re a fourteen year old, I swear. Box stopped being funny forever ago,” James chides and uses this distraction to try and drop the box, but Logan notices.
“If you drop that you know I’m going to find out, show it to me willingly and you’ll at least have your dignity intact when this is over,” Logan sits up on his elbows again, then his feet hook around the backs of James’ knees again to help pull himself up to a regular sitting position.
“Just because you know my Achilles Heel doesn’t mean you can use it for evil purposes,” James frowns, touching the base of his neck with one hand for protection.
“A, it’s hardly your Achilles Heel. B, Show me your box,” A singular chuckle springs from his mouth before Logan clears his throat, “Sorry. C, it’s hardly an evil purpose. And D, Shoooow meeee youuuur boooox.” Logan’s hands latch onto the box again and he pulls at it, but James’s grip is strong.
And so the tug of war began, there were grunts of ‘Give-me-the-box’ and ‘Not-on-your-life’ and ‘Hand-it-over-bitch’ and ‘Go-fuck-yourself’ but it ends when Logan yanks hard and also uses the dirty trick of pressing the back of James’ knees with his feet, and thus James topples onto Logan. The shoebox flies up and hits the wall above their heads, and out rolls it’s secret object. Logan struggles under James, hand flailing out and capturing it while James turns into dead weight on Logan, giving up the fight and preferring to hide his head on Logan’s chest in shame.
“A Posh Spice Barbie,” Logan intones flatly and James wonders if his rosacea can cause spontaneous combustion. “I don’t- I can’t even- There are just so many jokes I can make right now I’m not sure where to start.”
“You will never let me live this down, will you?” James muffles into Logan’s chest and the response he gets is one of Logan’s hands stroking through his hair and the other holds the Posh doll near James’s face directly in his line of vision.
“You cahn’t take this one reeeeh-llhay fuh-nay thing away from me, don’t be an arse,” Logan imitates the ridiculously stony faced Victoria Beckham and waves the doll like it’s tossing its hair out of its eyes.
“That was awful. Please don’t ever pretend to be Posh Spice again or you’ll scar me for life,” James muffles again, waving a hand in a weak attempt to make the creepy looking doll leave the proximity of his face, but Logan dodges and James’s hand just falls onto Logan’s chest.
“Did you try and kiss it? Muwah muwah muwah,” The doll disappears from sight and Logan’s body wiggles a bit and James can only imagine the horror occurring to its face.
“If you’re licking her face I’m never kissing you again.” There’s a pause in Logan’s movements.
“…It’s only a little bit of spit…”
“I hate you so much right now,” James says and bites at Logan’s upper abs through his shirt.
“Ow, ow! Stop with the nipping, you fiend!” Logan hits him on the shoulder with his free hand and James stops. Posh Spice appears in his vision again, only to slap him with her tiny plastic hand. It’s so ridiculous James has to laugh, which makes Logan burst out laughing and Posh stares at the comforter with heavy lidded, too-cool-for-these-stupid-boys eyes. When their laughter subsides James props his chin on Logan’s sternum to look at him.
“What am I going to do with you?” He’s pretty sure he’s got one of those really doofy smiles on his face, the kind that you hate seeing on other couples because it’s sickening. James is really okay with that, though.
“Well…” Logan gives him a conspirital look and James thinks Logan’s finally figured out why, despite being kind of exhausted, he asked Logan over. “You could make me some microwave popcorn to go with our now required viewing of Spice World,” James drops his forehead back onto Logan’s chest with a thump. He’s not really sure if Logan’s doing this on purpose or not so he can’t be mad, but it’s getting a little irritating. “You own it right? I’m assuming you do. Is it so embarrassing you have to hide it in the back of your closet?” Logan teases, tugging gently on a lock of hair at the nape of James’s neck. James feels his face heat up again.
“Yes,” he mutters and follows it with something but he’s pressed his face into Logan’s sternum again it can’t be heard clearly.
“What’s that?” Logan teases again, pushing at James’s shoulder to slide him off so he’s only resting on one side of Logan instead of directly on top. James lets out a grumble and a very put-upon sigh, not looking at him.
“It’s in the combat boot box.” Logan shimmies out from under James, stands and gets all of one step before pausing.
“Waitaminute.” While Logan’s brain processes, James rolls over onto his back and since his legs are half off the end of the bed anyway, he slithers down onto the floor to sit against the side of the bed. “The same box with your-”
“Yes,” James cuts him off and Logan looks amused at this.
“So do you, like, really get off on the Spice Girls or-”
“No!” James kicks out at Logan’s ankles and he dances away, rustling the stray plastic bags again. “You’re the worst. It’s just where it ended up when I was hiding embarrassing things.”
“You didn’t think if anyone else found it that they wouldn’t draw the same conclusion?”
“Shut up,” James pouts, scooting himself in front of Logan and rummaging in the closet before Logan can cause any more trouble.
“I want to see the inside of combat boot box,” Logan says like an excited little kid and James tosses him a glare over his shoulder. “Aw, c’mon, pleeeaaassseee?” Logan changes tactics from aggressive to syrupy sweet- James sets his shoulders and doesn’t look back at Logan or he’ll be getting an eyeful of batting lashes and lip biting. Fingers slide through his hair and when blunt little fingernails start scratching his scalp James knows he’s doomed.
“Mmmm, no fair playing dirty,” he says but he can feel his spine starting to melt and all the blood in his body being confused about which way to go. It works itself out as James feels heat on his cheeks and he starts to feel his pulse beating harder. Logan blankets himself on James’s back and bites at the top of James’s ear.
“So fair,” Logan rumbles lowly into his ear and James shivers. The stupid idiot finally seems to be getting with the program, thank God. James tilts his body causing Logan to slide off onto the floor, rolling onto his back just as James straddles him. Logan looks up at him with one of his wonderfully dirty smirks and James is leaning down to capture his mouth when cardboard smashes into his face.
“Ow!” James rears back and sits on his heels, arms up in front of his face to ward off any further attack. “What the fuck?” He peeks out through his arms and Logan is sitting up with the combat boot box clutched to his chest, grinning like a fool.
“Victory!” Logan crows and scrambles up, running out of the room. James hears him clomping down the stairs, cackling, and he buries his head in his hands. Getting laid has never been such a trial.
When he trudges downstairs, Logan already has the TV on and the Hook dvd menu is idling. There’s a beeping of the microwave and Logan appears in the kitchen doorway next to him with an empty bowl.
“Movie time!” Logan merrily chirps and waves the empty bowl at James. “I found your hidden extra butter popcorn. Have I told you lately that I love your inner fat kid?” He disappears back into the kitchen to retrieve the popcorn and James is left to scowl as he shuffles his way to the couch.
He was saving that for a special occasion, like one of those crappy Sundays where you just curl up under a blanket and need to watch a chick flick that makes you cry. Now he’d have to stuff his face with something worse while watching A Walk To Remember. Stupid Logan and his stupid unhealthy self and his stupid no-concept-of-there-being-perfect-opportunities-to-fuck-that-were-being-wasted. James would need to retaliate someday. Maybe shove Logan in one of those ever convenient janitors’ closets in the studio? Or rile him up before he had a scene with Erin so she’d totally call him on having a boner? Erin was a beautiful young woman that way, loudly laughing at anything that amused her in the slightest so that anyone in a ten mile radius could hear. He could hear it now, ‘Oh my god, Logan! Do you have a boner?! That is so funny, I can’t believe it!’ with her peal of boisterous laughter following.
“What’s got you all dreamy grinning?” Logan asks around a mouthful of popcorn as he pushes at James to sit on the couch and not stand in front of it day-dreaming.
“Oh, nothing,” James replies, feeling better about his revenge plans but still shaking a mental fist at not getting laid today like he was counting on.
They sprawl on the overly cushy four cushioned couch, James has always been thankful because it’s hard to find a couch that he can lay on but this one was perfect, his heels just touching the opposite arm of the couch. Logan is the little spoon on the front end of the couch and that will probably never change but they both seem to be okay with that. They’ve watched Hook and cheered and laughed and teared up like manly men over it, and they’re part of the way through Spice World now.
“Are you being a Grumpasaurous?” Logan asks turning over to face James on the couch, grabbing onto his shoulder for leverage as he shifts to line up their faces, then leaving it there because he can.
“No,” James says with a pout, “I am thoroughly enjoying my Spice Girls right now.”
“Pfffft, I bet you are big guy,” Logan laughs and pats James’s chest before draping his arm over James’s hip and snuggling into his side, still facing away from the TV.
“What are you doing? Don’t you watch to watch the movie?”
“Mmmmmnope,” Logan replies with his lopsided smile, his eyes already shut.
“But the whole point- all that, in my room- you- I-” James is confused and his inner Grumpasaurous roars.
“Shhhhh,” Logan shushes him, “It’s nap time.” James grunts unhappily and huffs with impatience.
“But all day, all I wanted was to-”
“I know, but we’re going to nap instead, you’re worn out, no need to exhaust you.” Logan explains, eyes still shut calmly against all the faces James is making.
“An orgasm would help me nap,” James mutters grumpily but settles into the couch and pulls half of Logan’s weight onto him.
“And a million dollars would help a bunch of starving kids, suck it up.”
“That’s all I want you to do,” James grumbles again and Logan gives a little tug to the hair at the nape of his neck.
“Stop being a whiny bitch and take a nap, we’ll fuck later, geeze,” Logan says exasperatedly and James hums with happy approval, the promise of getting laid now in sight.
“Love you too,” he sing-songs and can feel Logan rolls his eyes against his neck.
“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Logan mutters and they settle in for a nap, being quiet for a moment before Logan speaks again,
“You know, I would have figured you for a Sporty Spice type of guy…..”
END
Fandom: Big Time Rush RPS
Pairing: James/Logan
Wordcount: 4,011
Rating: R for dirty words and thoughts
Disclaimer: I do not own anything and I don't know anyone personally, this is a work of fiction, I make no money off this.
Summary: James invites Logan over to see his new hair cut and he has a plan... Logan doesn't seem to get the plan, Logan just seems to love embarrassing James. Based off the prompt: ok, so i really want some James/Logan cuddling. Maybe taking a nap together. idek. just as long as there is cuddling and fluffiness. but if anyone wants to add in some hurt/comfort as well, that's be awesome too. :)
http://community.livejournal.com/btr_fluff_meme/609.html?thread=15201#t15201
Author's Note: This fic is all dorky shenenigans and not much else. Funny story-I began writing this, like, the day James got his hair cut. Yeah. It takes me this fucking long to finish fic and get it posted sometimes, lol. All love for shisou_eimin because she waited patiently for it and beta'd and encouraged. <3
Logan tugs on the ends of James’ new short hair and his face doesn’t reveal much about what he thinks. James runs his hand through the opposite side and it’s still surprising when it reaches empty air so much quicker.
“I feel naked,” James says with a pout, shifting his weight from one foot to the other and picking at the hem of his t-shirt because he’s feeling so uneasy.
“I assure you you’re fully clothed,” Logan grins and takes his hand away motioning for James to twirl for him, which the other does. “But I’m always up for fixing that, you know,” he says, slapping James right square on the board-short-covered ass when it spins in front of him.
“You’re not even looking at my hair, asshole,” James faces Logan again, crossing his arms and unknowingly putting his really solid biceps on display, he pretends to be grumpy but his face twitches at Logan’s big cheeky grin.
“I’m easily distracted, you can’t blame me!”
“Whatever, man, you obviously don’t care about my plight, I’m going to go sulk in the corner,” James turns away to go clomp up the stairs to his bedroom but Logan catches his arm before he gets far.
“Aw, cheer up emo kid! Plus, it’s Kendall’s job to be the hipster, so you have to go back to being yourself,” Logan pinches James’s cheek like one of those overbearing funny smelling great aunts who look like one big wrinkly prune.
“God forbid we become unbalanced in our misfit band of ruffians,” James says with his mouth getting stretched awkwardly and not in a dirty way for once.
“Would you hate me right now if I started chanting ‘Rufio’?” Logan releases his grip and smooshes James’s cheeks around to make him look like a hybrid fish-chipmunk animal.
“Only if we don’t watch Hook later,” James replies rather nasally because his face is smooshed with his cheeks pushed in making his nose funny so that his nostrils don’t have a clear path anymore.
“I can get down with that plan,” Logan puts his pointer fingers to the corners of James’s mouth and pushes it up into a smile.
“Good. Right now, I need a nap,” Logan takes his hands away from James’s face and wipes them exaggeratedly on his jeans muttering about cooties, but James ignores him. “I was surfing all morning and I’m beat.”
“Why’d you tell me to come over if you just wanted to sleep?” Logan’s eyebrow quirks up in the very adorable ‘what the eff’ face James likes to make fun of.
“Oh gee, I don’t know, my housemates are gone for the day to Disney, it’s our day off, I got you the cupcake you like from Sprinkles…” James points each of these pros out, listing them off with his fingers before trailing off in hopes that Logan gets the idea.
“It’s Sunday-they don’t make Mocha so you got me a Black and White. Aw, you do care!” James shakes his head because Logan is obviously not getting the idea, but he rolls with Logan’s enthusiasm for cupcakes.
“Totally the opposite of caring, this is like- ”
“Making me watch Bring It On instead of a decent film, yeah yeah, whatever, take me to my cupcake,” Logan turns James’s shoulders towards the kitchen and gives a gentle shove.
“Is it your leader?” He asks back over his shoulder with a grin.
“Yes, it is, it rules my brain with a rich chocolaty fist, now chop chop, make with the cupcake.”
“Always soooo bossy-hey!” Logan pinches James on the ass and when James jumps ahead, dancing out of Logan’s reach, Logan moves past him into the kitchen like the pastry box on the counter is in his laser sighted crosshairs.
“Did you pretend to be healthy and get a carrot one again or did you decide that the delicious calories were worth it and go for Red Velvet?”
“Red Velvet, I figured I can work it off.”
Logan snorts and wiggles his eyebrows suggestively, “Yeah you can.”
“Eat your cupcake, horndog,” Logan nearly spits out the big mouthful of cupcake he’s just taken a bite of. He slaps at James’s shoulder and stomps his foot, curling over and trying to chew.
“Oh god,” he says finally, gasping a breath of air into his lungs. “Don’t ever try to make me laugh when I have the best tasting thing ever in my mouth. That could have ended in a chocolaty spewing disaster of epic proportions.”
“And tears. You can’t forget the tears of sadness you’d cry at the loss of tasty cupcake crumbs.”
“You’re finally starting to get it! Maybe you do appreciate cupcakes after all!”
“I only lived in San Diego with Sprinkles in driving distance for a big chunk of my life, no big deal.”
“I hear ya buddy, once they opened one in Dallas, life was never quite the same.”
The conversation lulls for a moment while they both stand, leaning on James’s fancy kitchen island with its fake marble top, slowly devouring their cupcakes.
“Y’know,” Logan says finally after his cupcake has vanished and he’s scraping the little cupcake paper with his bottom teeth to leave nothing behind. James grunts a sort of ‘uh?’ when Logan doesn’t immediately continue, not wanting to open his own mouth until he’s gotten more of his stupidly big bite out of his cheek- trying to keep up with Logan when eating his beloved cupcake was just a terrible idea.
Logan is still nonchalantly chewing on his paper when he says, “It’s really kind of adorable that you have those old pictures of me on your iPhone. Like, it’s creepy that you found them, but it’s cute that you saved them to your phone.” James is choking on his cupcake, which very quickly has become one giant dense red velvety ball in his throat as he tries to swallow quickly to object. Logan very patiently chews a new side of the cupcake paper while James struggles, slapping both hands down on the counter and exaggeratingly gulps down the lump of delicious and gasps for air.
“What?” James wheezes, he gives a weak laugh, “I never- Ciara must have, when I was sleeping!” Logan continues to watch James over his paper. The thing is, James wakes up earlier than Logan on a daily basis and the times they have crashed or fucked in one of their beds, in the morning they’ll mess around a little then James will do his whole big morning routine while Logan rolls back over to sleep. Eventually James makes sure Logan’s awake before he leaves to get to set early like he likes, and Logan always asks for five more minutes. But on set later, Logan will be fine because he’s running off of coffee and more sleep, while James needs the occasional cat nap on set and Ciara, being a growing girl, is always happy to curl up on a couch with him and snore away.
“Dude, she’s not Katie, and it would be the most random prank ever,” Logan quirks an eyebrow and James quickly turns to get a glass from the cupboard to fill with tap water and buy himself some time. “You must have had to hunt around for them, I don’t think I even knew they were on the internet.” James returns to the counter sipping his water and when he doesn’t say anything Logan prompts him. “I’m calling you out on being a dork and you have nothing to say for yourself?”
“In the face of wild accusations I prefer to stay mum,” James says calmly, sipping cool tap water and racking his brain for any excuse that wasn’t super lame.
“Mmmm, yes, I like it, the strong silent type,” Logan mocks him playfully, finally balling up the cupcake paper and beaning James in the forehead with it.
“That was uncalled for,” James says brushing at his forehead to get any stray crumb or Logan cooties away from his beautiful new haircut. Logan ignores him and has already turned away, supposedly heading for the living room.
“Bored now! Movie time!” Logan calls over his shoulder as he disappears around the corner into the hallway.
“Where are you-” James pokes his head around the corner into the hallway, pointing questioningly at the living room that was directly across from the kitchen. Logan glances back over his shoulder and begins to whistle innocently as he reaches the bottom of a flight of stairs. “Oh, don’t you even-” Logan grins and bounds up the stairs. “Logaaaan!” James swirls around the banister at the base of the stairs and runs up them two at a time. At the top of the stairs, James watches the door to his bedroom at the end of the short hallway slam shut.
“Ohhhh geeee, I have somehow stumbled into your bedroom and accidently locked the door! Silly me!” Logan yells through the door as James tries the handle only to find that it didn’t budge.
“Don’t go nosing around in my room, man! Open up!” James literally shakes the door in its frame, but the handle refuses to turn.
“What’s thiiiiis? A shoebox hidden in the back of your closet?” A muffled yell and rustling comes through the door and James starts searching with his fingertips on the top of each of the surrounding bedrooms doorframes for the emergency key.
“Stop right where you are and don’t even touch that!” James hollers as he swipes the key down from the top, of all places, of the bathroom doorframe. The rustling noises stop for a moment so James pauses in breaking into his own room to listen.
“Too late!” Logan cackles and the rustling starts again and then there’s an “OoooOOOOOOooooo” so James shoves the key in the lock, twists the handle and open the door to reveal--- Logan, laying on his bed with two plastic bags on his feet making the rustling noises, shoebox sitting unopened next to him. “Hah! Fooled you! Man, you should see your face!” Logan sits up on his elbows, laughing, and James tries to school is face into less of a slack-jawed red angry face.
“Not cool, man, not cool,” James mutters, snatching up the shoebox. While he’s trying to pull the plastic bags off Logan’s feet only using his own, Logan grabs onto the shoebox and tugs at it.
“So what’s in here?” He’s got that devious smile again, like he knows what it is but he just wants James to say it.
“Nothing, let go,” James frowns, tugging back.
“Nuh-uh, show me!” Logan yanks it towards himself again, making James lose his balance and bend awkwardly at the waist.
“Hands off,” he snaps his teeth at Logan’s fingers since his face is now so close to the box. Logan relents and lets go, flopping back down on the bed with his hands behind his head, looking cocky.
“Fine, don’t share. I bet I can guess what it is,” he challenges with a smirk and James ponders for a moment before standing up straight and smiling slowly.
“Okay, sure, what’s in here?” James shakes the box and it makes a clunking sort of noise.
“Sex toy. I’m betting on a fancy dildo, none of that cheap shit,” Logan says with supreme confidence, stretching his arms up over his head while sliding his feet, now free of the plastic bags, down from behind James’ knees along his calves until they hit the floor and only their ankles touch. James just smiles brightly.
“Nope!” Logan frowns at this perky reply, brow furrowing. “Good guess, but that, ironically, is in the combat boot box to the left,” he waves at the closet behind him.
“Then why don’t you want me to see what’s in that box?” Logan points, but doesn’t move his arms. James cradles the box to his chest and makes a guilty face.
“What? This box? Pffft, nothing! Nothing at all,” James coughs and subtly stretches backwards to pull his t-shirt hem up from the top of his board shorts in hopes to distract Logan.
“Show me your boooooox,” Drat. Logan giggles, “Heh, your box,” he falls into helpless snickering and James rolls his eyes.
“You’re a fourteen year old, I swear. Box stopped being funny forever ago,” James chides and uses this distraction to try and drop the box, but Logan notices.
“If you drop that you know I’m going to find out, show it to me willingly and you’ll at least have your dignity intact when this is over,” Logan sits up on his elbows again, then his feet hook around the backs of James’ knees again to help pull himself up to a regular sitting position.
“Just because you know my Achilles Heel doesn’t mean you can use it for evil purposes,” James frowns, touching the base of his neck with one hand for protection.
“A, it’s hardly your Achilles Heel. B, Show me your box,” A singular chuckle springs from his mouth before Logan clears his throat, “Sorry. C, it’s hardly an evil purpose. And D, Shoooow meeee youuuur boooox.” Logan’s hands latch onto the box again and he pulls at it, but James’s grip is strong.
And so the tug of war began, there were grunts of ‘Give-me-the-box’ and ‘Not-on-your-life’ and ‘Hand-it-over-bitch’ and ‘Go-fuck-yourself’ but it ends when Logan yanks hard and also uses the dirty trick of pressing the back of James’ knees with his feet, and thus James topples onto Logan. The shoebox flies up and hits the wall above their heads, and out rolls it’s secret object. Logan struggles under James, hand flailing out and capturing it while James turns into dead weight on Logan, giving up the fight and preferring to hide his head on Logan’s chest in shame.
“A Posh Spice Barbie,” Logan intones flatly and James wonders if his rosacea can cause spontaneous combustion. “I don’t- I can’t even- There are just so many jokes I can make right now I’m not sure where to start.”
“You will never let me live this down, will you?” James muffles into Logan’s chest and the response he gets is one of Logan’s hands stroking through his hair and the other holds the Posh doll near James’s face directly in his line of vision.
“You cahn’t take this one reeeeh-llhay fuh-nay thing away from me, don’t be an arse,” Logan imitates the ridiculously stony faced Victoria Beckham and waves the doll like it’s tossing its hair out of its eyes.
“That was awful. Please don’t ever pretend to be Posh Spice again or you’ll scar me for life,” James muffles again, waving a hand in a weak attempt to make the creepy looking doll leave the proximity of his face, but Logan dodges and James’s hand just falls onto Logan’s chest.
“Did you try and kiss it? Muwah muwah muwah,” The doll disappears from sight and Logan’s body wiggles a bit and James can only imagine the horror occurring to its face.
“If you’re licking her face I’m never kissing you again.” There’s a pause in Logan’s movements.
“…It’s only a little bit of spit…”
“I hate you so much right now,” James says and bites at Logan’s upper abs through his shirt.
“Ow, ow! Stop with the nipping, you fiend!” Logan hits him on the shoulder with his free hand and James stops. Posh Spice appears in his vision again, only to slap him with her tiny plastic hand. It’s so ridiculous James has to laugh, which makes Logan burst out laughing and Posh stares at the comforter with heavy lidded, too-cool-for-these-stupid-boys eyes. When their laughter subsides James props his chin on Logan’s sternum to look at him.
“What am I going to do with you?” He’s pretty sure he’s got one of those really doofy smiles on his face, the kind that you hate seeing on other couples because it’s sickening. James is really okay with that, though.
“Well…” Logan gives him a conspirital look and James thinks Logan’s finally figured out why, despite being kind of exhausted, he asked Logan over. “You could make me some microwave popcorn to go with our now required viewing of Spice World,” James drops his forehead back onto Logan’s chest with a thump. He’s not really sure if Logan’s doing this on purpose or not so he can’t be mad, but it’s getting a little irritating. “You own it right? I’m assuming you do. Is it so embarrassing you have to hide it in the back of your closet?” Logan teases, tugging gently on a lock of hair at the nape of James’s neck. James feels his face heat up again.
“Yes,” he mutters and follows it with something but he’s pressed his face into Logan’s sternum again it can’t be heard clearly.
“What’s that?” Logan teases again, pushing at James’s shoulder to slide him off so he’s only resting on one side of Logan instead of directly on top. James lets out a grumble and a very put-upon sigh, not looking at him.
“It’s in the combat boot box.” Logan shimmies out from under James, stands and gets all of one step before pausing.
“Waitaminute.” While Logan’s brain processes, James rolls over onto his back and since his legs are half off the end of the bed anyway, he slithers down onto the floor to sit against the side of the bed. “The same box with your-”
“Yes,” James cuts him off and Logan looks amused at this.
“So do you, like, really get off on the Spice Girls or-”
“No!” James kicks out at Logan’s ankles and he dances away, rustling the stray plastic bags again. “You’re the worst. It’s just where it ended up when I was hiding embarrassing things.”
“You didn’t think if anyone else found it that they wouldn’t draw the same conclusion?”
“Shut up,” James pouts, scooting himself in front of Logan and rummaging in the closet before Logan can cause any more trouble.
“I want to see the inside of combat boot box,” Logan says like an excited little kid and James tosses him a glare over his shoulder. “Aw, c’mon, pleeeaaassseee?” Logan changes tactics from aggressive to syrupy sweet- James sets his shoulders and doesn’t look back at Logan or he’ll be getting an eyeful of batting lashes and lip biting. Fingers slide through his hair and when blunt little fingernails start scratching his scalp James knows he’s doomed.
“Mmmm, no fair playing dirty,” he says but he can feel his spine starting to melt and all the blood in his body being confused about which way to go. It works itself out as James feels heat on his cheeks and he starts to feel his pulse beating harder. Logan blankets himself on James’s back and bites at the top of James’s ear.
“So fair,” Logan rumbles lowly into his ear and James shivers. The stupid idiot finally seems to be getting with the program, thank God. James tilts his body causing Logan to slide off onto the floor, rolling onto his back just as James straddles him. Logan looks up at him with one of his wonderfully dirty smirks and James is leaning down to capture his mouth when cardboard smashes into his face.
“Ow!” James rears back and sits on his heels, arms up in front of his face to ward off any further attack. “What the fuck?” He peeks out through his arms and Logan is sitting up with the combat boot box clutched to his chest, grinning like a fool.
“Victory!” Logan crows and scrambles up, running out of the room. James hears him clomping down the stairs, cackling, and he buries his head in his hands. Getting laid has never been such a trial.
When he trudges downstairs, Logan already has the TV on and the Hook dvd menu is idling. There’s a beeping of the microwave and Logan appears in the kitchen doorway next to him with an empty bowl.
“Movie time!” Logan merrily chirps and waves the empty bowl at James. “I found your hidden extra butter popcorn. Have I told you lately that I love your inner fat kid?” He disappears back into the kitchen to retrieve the popcorn and James is left to scowl as he shuffles his way to the couch.
He was saving that for a special occasion, like one of those crappy Sundays where you just curl up under a blanket and need to watch a chick flick that makes you cry. Now he’d have to stuff his face with something worse while watching A Walk To Remember. Stupid Logan and his stupid unhealthy self and his stupid no-concept-of-there-being-perfect-opportunities-to-fuck-that-were-being-wasted. James would need to retaliate someday. Maybe shove Logan in one of those ever convenient janitors’ closets in the studio? Or rile him up before he had a scene with Erin so she’d totally call him on having a boner? Erin was a beautiful young woman that way, loudly laughing at anything that amused her in the slightest so that anyone in a ten mile radius could hear. He could hear it now, ‘Oh my god, Logan! Do you have a boner?! That is so funny, I can’t believe it!’ with her peal of boisterous laughter following.
“What’s got you all dreamy grinning?” Logan asks around a mouthful of popcorn as he pushes at James to sit on the couch and not stand in front of it day-dreaming.
“Oh, nothing,” James replies, feeling better about his revenge plans but still shaking a mental fist at not getting laid today like he was counting on.
They sprawl on the overly cushy four cushioned couch, James has always been thankful because it’s hard to find a couch that he can lay on but this one was perfect, his heels just touching the opposite arm of the couch. Logan is the little spoon on the front end of the couch and that will probably never change but they both seem to be okay with that. They’ve watched Hook and cheered and laughed and teared up like manly men over it, and they’re part of the way through Spice World now.
“Are you being a Grumpasaurous?” Logan asks turning over to face James on the couch, grabbing onto his shoulder for leverage as he shifts to line up their faces, then leaving it there because he can.
“No,” James says with a pout, “I am thoroughly enjoying my Spice Girls right now.”
“Pfffft, I bet you are big guy,” Logan laughs and pats James’s chest before draping his arm over James’s hip and snuggling into his side, still facing away from the TV.
“What are you doing? Don’t you watch to watch the movie?”
“Mmmmmnope,” Logan replies with his lopsided smile, his eyes already shut.
“But the whole point- all that, in my room- you- I-” James is confused and his inner Grumpasaurous roars.
“Shhhhh,” Logan shushes him, “It’s nap time.” James grunts unhappily and huffs with impatience.
“But all day, all I wanted was to-”
“I know, but we’re going to nap instead, you’re worn out, no need to exhaust you.” Logan explains, eyes still shut calmly against all the faces James is making.
“An orgasm would help me nap,” James mutters grumpily but settles into the couch and pulls half of Logan’s weight onto him.
“And a million dollars would help a bunch of starving kids, suck it up.”
“That’s all I want you to do,” James grumbles again and Logan gives a little tug to the hair at the nape of his neck.
“Stop being a whiny bitch and take a nap, we’ll fuck later, geeze,” Logan says exasperatedly and James hums with happy approval, the promise of getting laid now in sight.
“Love you too,” he sing-songs and can feel Logan rolls his eyes against his neck.
“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Logan mutters and they settle in for a nap, being quiet for a moment before Logan speaks again,
“You know, I would have figured you for a Sporty Spice type of guy…..”
END