been awhile
Ok so its been awhile since i updated last. been busy with work and shit. ok so basically not busy but too lazy to write. alot has happened in the past couple weeks. the david situation came to a head. he was drunk and basically said he knew i liked him so i was like whatever u like me too. then he says he is dating some girl. some girl who he doesnt really like he can just fuck and fuck over which i kinda lame. its like he wants to have his cake and eat it too. lady j said david brought her in on tuesday night and she summoned him over to her and goes "she is beautiful.....but Gussie is beautiful and she Gussie and thats awesome" and he just kinda dropped his head and said "i know" which is something i dont understand if u kno u arent with the right person why be with them u know??? thats just lame. I got my car inspected and there something wrong with some head gasket so dad said we are gonna trade my car in....which is kinda exciting i want a chevy cobalt.....but i think they only come in 5 speed. so i talked to fred at work tonight and he said he would teach me how to drive a five speed. lets see what else has happened?? hmmmm........oh the most important part jake got arrested which sucks. he has two felonies on him whihc could cause him to do 25 years in jail...and thats not cool. my parents spent a whole lot of money to get him out of jail so i mean it kinda sucks cuz they would spend like a grand to send me to college but they will spend eight to get jake outta jail and trouble even tho he got himself into this situation u know??? so whatever. i need to move out so bad its just keeps getting worse and worse and i get so angry at them all the time and i know its not right but i cant help it i just resent them so much. i feel like the made me grow up before i had to and now everything is just falling apart. like its not their fault everything falls apart u know??? but i blame them for all the disfunction in my life. like i know i prolly shouldnt but i cant stop. and they just drink it all away to where its like they dont feel it. but i do i feel it and i see it and they are part of the problem. like i need to go far away from VA but i cant its my life u know. i dont want to walk away from the people i love just becuase my parents drive me crazy it doesnt seem quite fair to me u know?? i feel like i always end up shafted they have faith in me and know i can live my life and do whatever so they just let me do whatever and like depend on me to take care of myself and like sometimes i cant. sometimes i lay in bed at night before i go to bed and just beg god to make me life better. to take away the empty feeling i have in my stomache. to make me not hate myself so much. i look at the girls at work and they are all so happy and so nice and so pretty and thin and it just makes me hate myself. i feel like a fat bitch. that has nothing but sarcasm and common sense to offer people. and i know i will prolly be better for it cuz i also dont have any fake bitches in my life like they do. they are shallow and have the fake friendships that im blessed enough not to have. but they seem so happy. for just one day i would like to know what it feels like to be like that. to be the "popular girl". i know thats horrible too because they suck they arent real people they are just drones who go thru the motions of life and will end up being 40 and living in a trailer park(or so i can hope) but that type of logic doesnt help my premenstral bash on gussie spirit tonight....ok i feel a lil better so im off to shower...night