(no subject)
i think its time for another update. im feeling mixed emotions and i need to get it out in the open.
at night, before i go to sleep, i think about life and what will become of the friendships i have and the friendships that are going to develop through out highschool. I think about how i want forever to last with me and pj. so many things run through my mind its kind of weird. i dont know where all this comes from.. it just kind of shows up. sometimes i hate growing up b|c i hate having to let go of things you love and just be in a standstill for all the rest of time, but then.. there are times where i wouldnt have life any other way & i just cant wait to get older and see the world for what it truly is. I mean think about it. Im 15 years old.. i like to think to know what life is like.. but honestly? do i really have a clue at all? these 4 years of high school and college are supposed to prepare you for the life your about to live once you get out into the "real world".. but how. Its not like were going to be in school forever. School is just like.. a cage.. were made to do thinsg we dont want to do in school.. i mean i guess thats what you have to do when you work too.. but not necessarily.. you can be doing something you love too. School doesnt exactly teach you how to get a job, which is really what you need to survive.. unless you plan on being a bum. Everyone needs a push and a shove somewhere along the line to get them moving and get them going.. but not everyone has someone to get them moving on their way. what do you think those people are gonna do, because i know i would be scared out of my pants of the world if i didnt have my family to get me going. Im afraid to die. Im afriad to leave levittown once i graduate.. i never realized.. how much i am truly afraid of. I never thought i had fears.. weird. I think about when i was little and how easy it was too.. everything was done for you, but then i think about how when i was little i couldnt wait to grow up. to be the age i am now.. and now that i am here i realized its nothing special. its just like the rest of my life. except with more perception and understanding of how painful.. or hurtful.. or perfect or wonderful everything can be. i feel like i know what im talking about.. but i dont think many people will understand this entry.. but thats life i guess.. not everything you say or do will always make sense.
at night, before i go to sleep, i think about life and what will become of the friendships i have and the friendships that are going to develop through out highschool. I think about how i want forever to last with me and pj. so many things run through my mind its kind of weird. i dont know where all this comes from.. it just kind of shows up. sometimes i hate growing up b|c i hate having to let go of things you love and just be in a standstill for all the rest of time, but then.. there are times where i wouldnt have life any other way & i just cant wait to get older and see the world for what it truly is. I mean think about it. Im 15 years old.. i like to think to know what life is like.. but honestly? do i really have a clue at all? these 4 years of high school and college are supposed to prepare you for the life your about to live once you get out into the "real world".. but how. Its not like were going to be in school forever. School is just like.. a cage.. were made to do thinsg we dont want to do in school.. i mean i guess thats what you have to do when you work too.. but not necessarily.. you can be doing something you love too. School doesnt exactly teach you how to get a job, which is really what you need to survive.. unless you plan on being a bum. Everyone needs a push and a shove somewhere along the line to get them moving and get them going.. but not everyone has someone to get them moving on their way. what do you think those people are gonna do, because i know i would be scared out of my pants of the world if i didnt have my family to get me going. Im afraid to die. Im afriad to leave levittown once i graduate.. i never realized.. how much i am truly afraid of. I never thought i had fears.. weird. I think about when i was little and how easy it was too.. everything was done for you, but then i think about how when i was little i couldnt wait to grow up. to be the age i am now.. and now that i am here i realized its nothing special. its just like the rest of my life. except with more perception and understanding of how painful.. or hurtful.. or perfect or wonderful everything can be. i feel like i know what im talking about.. but i dont think many people will understand this entry.. but thats life i guess.. not everything you say or do will always make sense.